Tell Your Dumb Jokes Here

[Alcoth]

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, a young man led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? How's it work?"

"Watch this," said the guy. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"

[Alcoth]

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

[Alcoth]

A bear walks into a bar.

The bear says to the bartender "I'll have a beer................... and some peanuts."

The bartender says "Sure buddy, but, why the big paws?"

[Rational Gaze]

An Arab, an Indian and an Iranian are the only three survivors of a shipwreck. However, as they are floating, they are attacked by a shark. The shark eats and kills the Arab and the Iranian but swims away. The Indian man cries out: "Oh God, why did you save me?!" and as the shark is swimming away it replies: "I ate one of you guys last year, and my backside is still burning!"

[Alcoth]

[rogue06]

Got this in an email today...





1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital = 1 IV League

[Alcoth]

Funny stuff rogue

[Jellibean]

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

Great food but no atmosphere.

[Rational Gaze]

How about that martian ale, eh? I heard it pops the eyes right out of your head.

[Alcoth]

A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Can I have a bag of helicopter flavor chips?" The barkeep says, "Sorry, we only have plain."

[Alcoth]

A skeleton walks into a bar, says to the bartender "I'll have a beer and a mop."

[Alcoth]

A blond was out shopping and came across a shiny silver Thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold."
"Wow", said the blond, "That's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day..
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied..... ..."Two Popsicles and some coffee."

[rogue06]

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

[princesa]

A blond was out shopping and came across a shiny silver Thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold."
"Wow", said the blond, "That's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day..
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied..... ..."Two Popsicles and some coffee."

ha!

[Alcoth]

Ms.Battle: "Henry,I hope I didn't see you copying Casey's math test."

Henry: "I hope you didn't too."