Tell Your Dumb Jokes Here

[Cow Poke]

Well, then again, I once met someone who drove to a town that was 40 miles each way to buy gas because it was a nickel a gallon cheaper. I tried to explain to him that if he had no other reason to go there he was losing money but he was a real moron.

Or maybe they had a really pretty cashier at that gas station.

[rogue06]

One hot summer day several years back, Tex and Austin were digging away in a ditch. Meanwhile, Ralph is up under the shade of a tree sipping on a cool drink.

Tex looks over to Austin and asks him, "Why are we down here digging in the hot Sun while Ralph is being cool up there?"

Austin grumbles, "I don't know, Why don't you go ask him?"

Tex climbs up out of the ditch, wipes the sweat from his face, and walks up to Ralph and asks, "Why are you up here in the shade drinking a cool drink and me and Austin are over in the ditch digging in the hot sun?"

Ralph looks up at Tex after taking a long sip on his drink and says with a shrug, "because I'm the one with the smarts."

"What's that?" Tex asked cautiously.

Ralph stands up and puts his hand in front of the tree and tells Tex, "hit my hand as hard as you can."

Tex swings his fist at Ralph’s hand but Ralph moves his hand and Tex slams his fist into the side of a tree.

"%$#&@ #%@#!" screamed Tex clutching his sore hand.

Ralph, says "I knew to pull my hand away, that’s called having smarts."

Tex sullenly climbed back down into the ditch. As soon as he gets to the bottom Austin asks, "Well, what did he say?"

Tex responds, "Its cause he has smarts."

"What the tarnation is that? Austin asks.

Tex puts his hand in front of his face and tells him, "Hit my hand as hard as you can."

[rogue06]

A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the paper was "IDIOT."

Without a moments hesitation the preacher looked up at the congregation smiled and said, "I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I will see a man sign his name and forget to write the letter."

[rogue06]

A blonde wakes up because of the smoke alarm and discovers that his house is on fire. Shee immediately dials 911.

"Yes may I help you?" the dispatcher asks.

The blonde replies, "Like, my house is, like on fire!!!"

"How do we get there?" the dispatcher asks

The blonde answers, "Duh, like by big red truck."

[rogue06]

And speaking of... did you hear about the blonde who couldn't figure out how to dial 911?


She couldn't find the #11 button.

[rogue06]

A blonde Texan decided to start a chicken farm, so he figured he'd go out and buy a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for yet another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.

"I think I finally figured out what I was doing wrong," said our blonde Texan. "I'm planting them too deep."

[rogue06]

A blonde man walks up to the door of a bar, rolling a wheel along with him. The bouncer says, “Hey, what are you doing with that?”

“Last time I came here," explained the blonde. "they said we had to have proper ID and a tire.”

[rogue06]

A minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen young boys that had surrounded a dog.

Concerned that the boys were hurting the dog, he immediately went over and asked them what they were doing with the dog.

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

The minister was, of course, a bit shocked. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.

He then launched into a long sermon against lying, starting, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute after he finished

Just as the minister thought he had gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

[rogue06]

A group of small children found a dead sparrow while playing. Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they found a small box, dug a hole in the back yard, and prepared to dispose of the deceased bird.

The minister's 6 year old son was picked to say a prayer.

And so with great dignity, he intoned, "Glory be to the Father... and unto the Son... and into the hole he goes."

[Cow Poke]

There was this honest lawyer....

[moreta]

259.5 you mean

he has done some especially high-speed driving, including in Top Gear Series 9, taking a Bugatti Veyron to its top speed of 253 mph (407 km/h) which is nearly one-third of the speed of sound at sea level and later on taking a Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Super Sport edition to 260 mph (417 km/h). wiki

Depends on which part of the sentence you read.

[Pilgrim]

Corduroy pillows are making headlines everywhere!

[moreta]

Every day the concierge service at work displays a "joke of the day" on their desk. I just walked down the hall to get it so I could share it with all you lovely people. Unfortnately, the joke is on me. There isn't one today.

[rogue06]

Bill borrowed his friends Volkswagen, while his own car was being repaired. But when he got into it he discovered much to his chagrin that it wouldn't start. So he got out and raised the hood and looked down dismayed.

Another neighbor who also owned a VW happened to be driving by and noticed Bill having car trouble so he stopped and offered his assistance.

Bill looked up and said, "I'm not sure there is a whole lot you can do. Someone stole the engine."

"Don’t worry," the neighbor replied. “I have an extra in my trunk you can borrow."

[rogue06]

Bubba and Cletus were sitting on the front porch enjoying a beer, or five, when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod drove by.

"I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery," Bubba said with a belch.

"Do what?" asked Cletus.

"Send my grass out to be mowed," answered Bubba.