Where are all the single women hiding?

[Tobias Reiper]

I gave my input in Rational Gaze's "I Don't Know How To Attract Women" thread. Now I have an equally vital question. Where do you find women to try to attract? I'm getting pretty disillusioned with the entire online thing but if I knew how to meet single women offline I wouldn't have had to rely on online dating in the first place.

I lucked out last week and an attractive young lady (probably a little too young, as she's a good seven years younger than me) came up to me outside of a building I'm helping my brother fix up and started talking to me. That's a once in a lifetime thing, especially in an area where everyone's either your cousin or married.

I've learned not to put all of your hopes in one woman until things become exclusive, and I can already tell that all of the things that seemed cute in that first conversation will become annoying after about a year, so I'm keeping my options open in case she never talks to me again or it turns out we're just not each others' type.

So if things don't work out with this gal what are my options? At first the pet department at Wal-Mart seemed promising. Women seem to love coming to the rescue of a poor bewildered cat owner, especially since they seem to think that men don't have it in them to care for a pet on their own.

Unfortunately, when I was pretending not to already know that Special Kitty gives her diarrhea, 9 Lives causes her to gain too much weight, and Sergent's flea and tick shampoo causes her to scratch until she goes from calico to Egyptian hairless I'd take a glance and notice a ring on the left hand of the woman helping me pick out cat food and flea shampoo. Or there would be no ring but her boyfriend would come up and offer his two cents.

I don't go to bars or night clubs. I have enough drunks around me. I don't want to have to pay a cover charge to be around more. The only single women in the church I grew up in are 70+ year old widows. Won't be anything wrong with 70+ year old widows in 40 years, but at the age of 30 I'd really rather find someone around my own age and I really don't want to be single by the time I reach 70.

I've been to some churches with more people my own age but I seemed to be the only single there. I may have jumped to conclusions since I'd see a woman with kids and just assumed her husband didn't attend church, was at work, or had matters he had to attend to and overlooked divorcées or other single mothers, but given problems I had with the preaching at those churches I won't be back to check.

So what are the options when you refuse or can't go the traditional routes? Work has never been an option because I either end up in jobs with older married women or male dominated fields.

[Sheepdog]

After High School and college, it gets extremely hard to find single women.

Yeah don't waste your money with online dating. The women are picky and unrealistic in their expectations. Put up a profile at okcupid.com ... it's free so why not? But don't spend too much time searching for women online.

Any coffee shops in your area? How about mom and pop diners? One suggestion is to go to businesses like such, they usually employ college age and post-college women, who are often single. The last gal I dated was a waitress at a bar I went to a couple of times.

Most people meet their sig-others through friends. Any prospects among your friend-of-a-friends?

It's sort of like job hunting, in order to find one you have to put yourself out into the big wide world, and get into social situations you know you will be uncomfortable with.

[Pilgrim]

I gave my input in Rational Gaze's "I Don't Know How To Attract Women" thread. Now I have an equally vital question. Where do you find women to try to attract? I'm getting pretty disillusioned with the entire online thing but if I knew how to meet single women offline I wouldn't have had to rely on online dating in the first place.

I lucked out last week and an attractive young lady (probably a little too young, as she's a good seven years younger than me) came up to me outside of a building I'm helping my brother fix up and started talking to me. That's a once in a lifetime thing, especially in an area where everyone's either your cousin or married.

I've learned not to put all of your hopes in one woman until things become exclusive, and I can already tell that all of the things that seemed cute in that first conversation will become annoying after about a year, so I'm keeping my options open in case she never talks to me again or it turns out we're just not each others' type.

So if things don't work out with this gal what are my options? At first the pet department at Wal-Mart seemed promising. Women seem to love coming to the rescue of a poor bewildered cat owner, especially since they seem to think that men don't have it in them to care for a pet on their own.

Unfortunately, when I was pretending not to already know that Special Kitty gives her diarrhea, 9 Lives causes her to gain too much weight, and Sergent's flea and tick shampoo causes her to scratch until she goes from calico to Egyptian hairless I'd take a glance and notice a ring on the left hand of the woman helping me pick out cat food and flea shampoo. Or there would be no ring but her boyfriend would come up and offer his two cents.

I don't go to bars or night clubs. I have enough drunks around me. I don't want to have to pay a cover charge to be around more. The only single women in the church I grew up in are 70+ year old widows. Won't be anything wrong with 70+ year old widows in 40 years, but at the age of 30 I'd really rather find someone around my own age and I really don't want to be single by the time I reach 70.

I've been to some churches with more people my own age but I seemed to be the only single there. I may have jumped to conclusions since I'd see a woman with kids and just assumed her husband didn't attend church, was at work, or had matters he had to attend to and overlooked divorcées or other single mothers, but given problems I had with the preaching at those churches I won't be back to check.

So what are the options when you refuse or can't go the traditional routes? Work has never been an option because I either end up in jobs with older married women or male dominated fields.

Not to be a jerk but if you can't find a woman online, you're not going to have much more luck in the real world. Seriously, there are a gazillion women on online dating forums just waiting for the first guy to be nice to them.

[Pilgrim]

After High School and college, it gets extremely hard to find single women.

Yeah don't waste your money with online dating. The women are picky and unrealistic in their expectations. Put up a profile at okcupid.com ... it's free so why not? But don't spend too much time searching for women online.

Any coffee shops in your area? How about mom and pop diners? One suggestion is to go to businesses like such, they usually employ college age and post-college women, who are often single. The last gal I dated was a waitress at a bar I went to a couple of times.

Most people meet their sig-others through friends. Any prospects among your friend-of-a-friends?

It's sort of like job hunting, in order to find one you have to put yourself out into the big wide world, and get into social situations you know you will be uncomfortable with.

If you're approaching women as if they're just another job application that might be part of your problem. Seriously, I've never understood the issue with finding a women to date. Maybe the trick is that I was never really looking that hard.

[Tanakh Keeper]

Thinking back, though I met some women in bars, they were all one-daters. Almost every women that I developed a relationship with, I met at a Jewish singles event. The one exception was a woman I met through a newspaper ad. In each of them, at the start we had some shared interest other than just being together.

Though I haven't looked in a few decades, I heard that women get less picky the older they are.

[Tobias Reiper]

Not to be a jerk but if you can't find a woman online, you're not going to have much more luck in the real world. Seriously, there are a gazillion women on online dating forums just waiting for the first guy to be nice to them.

The issue there is I only use the free ones, specifically okcupid and Plenty of Fish. You get into the free ones and it's mostly women who are looking to "hook up." Over 90% (I've actually run the numbers based on archives of my correspondence with these women, I'm not just pulling a number out of the air), even if they didn't put "intimate encounter" in the Looking For field, tried to turn the conversation sexual and lost interest when they realized I wasn't going to let it go that way. The other ~10% lost interest when they found out I don't have a college education.

If you're approaching women as if they're just another job application that might be part of your problem. Seriously, I've never understood the issue with finding a women to date. Maybe the trick is that I was never really looking that hard.

I don't take that approach. When I'm looking for a job I'll just take anything that comes along until I can find a better job. When approaching a woman I evaluate them if I have a chance, online through a profile (in which case I even have my best friend look them over and give me her assessment) or if their looks draw me in I'll observe them for a little (not hiding behind bushes gawking, just going about my business while maintaining an awareness of them) to look for red flags. If they don't kick an animal out of their way or yell at a guy in a wheelchair for almost running over their foot I'll start working up the nerve to approach them.

One of the issues with me finding a woman to date is that I don't live in a large area. I know plenty of single women who aren't just looking to "hook up" but the vast majority of them are my cousins. I even talked to a woman online for a while, we were planning on meeting, then I found out that she's the granddaughter of my great-uncle. She's far enough removed that according to state law we can marry and on a biological level we wouldn't have to worry about our kids coming out with flippers, but around here the policy is that if one of your parents can't date their parents (which her dad is my dad's first cousin, so even if one of them were female they still couldn't have dated) then that generation is as off limits to you as your own first cousins, regardless of what law and biology say.

[rogue06]

Maybe the trick is that I was never really looking that hard.

That is an excellent point. Women generally can sense desperation and flee. I've had some of my best luck when I wasn't even really looking.

If you have sisters or "just friends" see if you can go out with them some night. Let them know what you're doing and they might even help (though don't count on it). A man surrounded by a bunch of women can suddenly become a lot more interesting to other women than a guy obviously alone.

[Pilgrim]

The issue there is I only use the free ones, specifically okcupid and Plenty of Fish. You get into the free ones and it's mostly women who are looking to "hook up." Over 90% (I've actually run the numbers based on archives of my correspondence with these women, I'm not just pulling a number out of the air), even if they didn't put "intimate encounter" in the Looking For field, tried to turn the conversation sexual and lost interest when they realized I wasn't going to let it go that way. The other ~10% lost interest when they found out I don't have a college education.

Another red flag right there. You're on a quest to find the most important relationship of your life. You think that comes on the cheap? You get out of your search what you're willing to invest in it.

[Pilgrim]

That is an excellent point. Women generally can sense desperation and flee. I've had some of my best luck when I wasn't even really looking.

If you have sisters or "just friends" see if you can go out with them some night. Let them know what you're doing and they might even help (though don't count on it). A man surrounded by a bunch of women can suddenly become a lot more interesting to other women than a guy obviously alone.

This is true. If you're already in the company of women you've passed a sort of test in the eyes of many women. Well, that or they'll think you're gay. But by the time they realize you aren't they've fallen hopelessly in love with you! ;)

[Raphael]

for me, it was when I stopped looking.

I had a large number of girls who were friends (but not girlfriends), I was one of the leaders for the Youth at our church and I was often the chaperone for lots of the girls when they wanted to do something like go to movies or go to a rugby game as I wasn't busy pursuing them and they knew that I would keep an eye out for them. I was content to be single and wasn't looking to get involved in any relationships (granted I had a relationship end badly six months before then, it's never pleasant when someone you've been dating for two years starts cheating on you).

And then my beloved entered the scene, and the rest is as they say, history. we were married just over a year later, 8 years ago in September and have 3 beautiful girls (I will be getting several shotguns before they get to dating age).

Oh, and the girls I was good friends with, remain good friends of both my beloved and I. they're kinda like younger sisters to us, and two were bridesmaids at our wedding.

ETA: you will battle to find single wimminz around here, they're all hiding from Manwe.

[shadowmaster]

Isn't this the fraternity?

[shadowmaster]

Thinking back, though I met some women in bars, they were all one-daters. Almost every women that I developed a relationship with, I met at a Jewish singles event. The one exception was a woman I met through a newspaper ad. In each of them, at the start we had some shared interest other than just being together.

Though I haven't looked in a few decades, I heard that women get less picky the older they are.

bald is good also

[rogue06]

(I will be getting several shotguns before they get to dating age).

Forget the shotguns. For REAL intimidation you need this little toy that Rogue Tech Arms & Bait Shop developed to help counter any brony invasion.

[Raphael]

Forget the shotguns. For REAL intimidation you need this little toy that Rogue Tech Arms & Bait Shop developed to help counter any brony invasion.

What are your bulk discounts like?

[shadowmaster]

What are your bulk discounts like?

Why is a woman here?