How Much Social Grace do U Have?

[princesa]

I'll not wallow in pity and assume I'm the only one who's ever fallen into that awkward phone conversation where I've just babbled incoherencies out of sheer nervousness to fill a pause ...or when I tell a random person on the elevator at work that I wear black on Mondays 'cause I'm mourning the weekend and he gives me the "odd" look you give strange people. Well he started it by saying 'Mondays are tough'. Wuss.

I just find it strange and wonder whether or not I am alone in this particular peculiarity of being an absolute social butterfly on one occasion and a complete awkward geeky teenlike friendless alien the next, some weeks later. I'm an introvert who can walk up to people with ease and chat, depending on the day. This is where I ask, does that sound familiar? Is that you too? People have commented on my great conversations and my friendliness! and yet, I can babble awkwardly to fill a space and then feel like crap after hanging up and saying "why can't i be like I was last week?"

One thing stands out as playing a key factor. My mental health. I can tell when I'm feeling "off" and when someone engages me in conversation I tend to be "fake", fake happy tone in my voice and then things typically get awkward from there because as I'm listening to their banter my eyes are betraying me and I feel like the words "Ugh. Will this conversation end, I'm not up for it!" are being displayed on my pupils since they tend to stop talking as if reading my pleading eyes.

But when I'm in my healthy state of mind I have a more "whatever" type of outlook. I am calm with the person I'm talking to, I smile a genuine smile, am friendly and even if I goof up in something I've said, the charming way in which I've said it automatically cancels out any awkwardness and I know I am forgiven the social faux pas.

Does this sound anything like you or is it more like the personality of that neighbor you try to avoid bumping into?

[Cow Poke]

As for the "fake" happiness -- I'm not so good at faking, so I just say "I'm well, thanks" and change the subject.

Something my wife pointed out to me early in my marriage is that I can't fake liking people I don't like. And I like most people, but I can't pretend to have a good conversation with somebody who I really don't enjoy being around.

I generally always in good health and generally always in a positive mood -- and when I'm not, I tend to avoid people entirely.

[princesa]

As for the "fake" happiness -- I'm not so good at faking, so I just say "I'm well, thanks" and change the subject.

Something my wife pointed out to me early in my marriage is that I can't fake liking people I don't like. And I like most people, but I can't pretend to have a good conversation with somebody who I really don't enjoy being around.

I generally always in good health and generally always in a positive mood -- and when I'm not, I tend to avoid people entirely.

My days are such that I can't ever avoid people, I'm outside almost from sun up to sun down surrounded by people. I have to be fake when I feel like crap and i'm no good at it most times either which is the reason for some awkward moments I think. On those days when I walk sideways if I were really to act like I felt I would say very sarcastic and hurtful things, the best I can strive for during those times are quiet and awkward, the alternative is far worse.

[Andius]

I'll not wallow in pity and assume I'm the only one who's ever fallen into that awkward phone conversation where I've just babbled incoherencies out of sheer nervousness to fill a pause ...or when I tell a random person on the elevator at work that I wear black on Mondays 'cause I'm mourning the weekend and he gives me the "odd" look you give strange people. Well he started it by saying 'Mondays are tough'. Wuss.

I think almost all of us have been in that situation, in one incarnation or another. Your not alone Princesa. ;)

I just find it strange and wonder whether or not I am alone in this particular peculiarity of being an absolute social butterfly on one occasion and a complete awkward geeky teenlike friendless alien the next, some weeks later. I'm an introvert who can walk up to people with ease and chat, depending on the day. This is where I ask, does that sound familiar? Is that you too? People have commented on my great conversations and my friendliness! and yet, I can babble awkwardly to fill a space and then feel like crap after hanging up and saying "why can't i be like I was last week?"

Mmhhh, sounds like simple plain old fashioned nervousness princess. For introverts, silence is perfectly acceptable (especially in public spaces), I know it has been for me. I wouldn't say it is me, since I have a very peculiar nature, since I have been mostly introvert most of my life, but overtime I acquired loads extroverted qualities as well. I enjoy the company of many (since I love parties ), and I also enjoy my moments of solitude as well. I can maneuver conversations effectively, and retain silence as well. I can easily jump into any nature that suits me and the context, a roaring pot of joy, and a calculative man of Yoda like qualities, it has been a question of will power for me (being formerly introverted-only). Mental sickness? Not necessarily. You can turn such duality to your advantage? ;) (Especially since I have come to admire the way our resident Aspies have converted their so-called weakness into strength ).

One thing stands out as playing a key factor. My mental health. I can tell when I'm feeling "off" and when someone engages me in conversation I tend to be "fake", fake happy tone in my voice and then things typically get awkward from there because as I'm listening to their banter my eyes are betraying me and I feel like the words "Ugh. Will this conversation end, I'm not up for it!" are being displayed on my pupils since they tend to stop talking as if reading my pleading eyes.

Mental health or not, one can learn to muster one's will in properly expressing emotion, fake or genuine. Where I work and come from, I have had to learn to keep a strong poker face, wether it's keeping my cool when something angers me, or feign complacency in business negotiations, it's a skill that one obtains over time. Where I come from, there are instances where internal feelings are irrelevant, only external feelings matter(the visible expressions). It ultimately is a matter of control, because one never knows when allowing your feelings to betray you, you may end up offending the other in unwarranted fashion, and such offenses... can sometimes be costly.

But when I'm in my healthy state of mind I have a more "whatever" type of outlook. I am calm with the person I'm talking to, I smile a genuine smile, am friendly and even if I goof up in something I've said, the charming way in which I've said it automatically cancels out any awkwardness and I know I am forgiven the social faux pas.

Which is why we wub wu here in Tweb.

Does this sound anything like you or is it more like the personality of that neighbor you try to avoid bumping into?

Actually, it's more of matter that has solution. You can learn to hybridize your intro-extro verted dimensions of your personality, learn to control your mental "on" and "offs", learn to wield a proper "poker face". From my experience, it wasn't easy, but I think that it can be done.

[Cow Poke]

Actually, it's more of matter that has solution. You can learn to hybridize your intro-extro verted dimensions of your personality, learn to control your mental "on" and "offs", learn to wield a proper "poker face". From my experience, it wasn't easy, but I think that it can be done.

I'm still marveling at the jargon!

[princesa]

I think almost all of us have been in that situation, in one incarnation or another. Your not alone Princesa. ;)



Mmhhh, sounds like simple plain old fashioned nervousness princess. For introverts, silence is perfectly acceptable (especially in public spaces), I know it has been for me. I wouldn't say it is me, since I have a very peculiar nature, since I have been mostly introvert most of my life, but overtime I acquired loads extroverted qualities as well. I enjoy the company of many (since I love parties ), and I also enjoy my moments of solitude as well. I can maneuver conversations effectively, and retain silence as well. I can easily jump into any nature that suits me and the context, a roaring pot of joy, and a calculative man of Yoda like qualities, it has been a question of will power for me (being formerly introverted-only). Mental sickness? Not necessarily. You can turn such duality to your advantage? ;) (Especially since I have come to admire the way our resident Aspies have converted their so-called weakness into strength ).



Mental health or not, one can learn to muster one's will in properly expressing emotion, fake or genuine. Where I work and come from, I have had to learn to keep a strong poker face, wether it's keeping my cool when something angers me, or feign complacency in business negotiations, it's a skill that one obtains over time. Where I come from, there are instances where internal feelings are irrelevant, only external feelings matter(the visible expressions). It ultimately is a matter of control, because one never knows when allowing your feelings to betray you, you may end up offending the other in unwarranted fashion, and such offenses... can sometimes be costly.



Which is why we wub wu here in Tweb.



Actually, it's more of matter that has solution. You can learn to hybridize your intro-extro verted dimensions of your personality, learn to control your mental "on" and "offs", learn to wield a proper "poker face". From my experience, it wasn't easy, but I think that it can be done.

i like this. Will re-read this and possibly pm you a few intrusive questions. thank you!

[Sparko]

This thread sux.

[Cow Poke]

This thread sux.

I don't like you, and I can't fake it.

[Sparko]

I don't like you, and I can't fake it.

You just are not trying hard enough.

I wuv you CP!

[Cow Poke]

You just are not trying hard enough.

I wuv you CP!

OK, it worked!


(I'm faking it)

[princesa]

oh for the love of......

[Andius]

I'm still marveling at the jargon!

I have fun inventing words. ^^

i like this. Will re-read this and possibly pm you a few intrusive questions. thank you!

I'll await the pm's. Feel free to send my way when you fancy the inquiry

oh for the love of......

Boys will be boys princesa, hehe.

[Darth Executor]

I'll not wallow in pity and assume I'm the only one who's ever fallen into that awkward phone conversation where I've just babbled incoherencies out of sheer nervousness to fill a pause ...or when I tell a random person on the elevator at work that I wear black on Mondays 'cause I'm mourning the weekend and he gives me the "odd" look you give strange people. Well he started it by saying 'Mondays are tough'. Wuss.

I just find it strange and wonder whether or not I am alone in this particular peculiarity of being an absolute social butterfly on one occasion and a complete awkward geeky teenlike friendless alien the next, some weeks later. I'm an introvert who can walk up to people with ease and chat, depending on the day. This is where I ask, does that sound familiar? Is that you too? People have commented on my great conversations and my friendliness! and yet, I can babble awkwardly to fill a space and then feel like crap after hanging up and saying "why can't i be like I was last week?"

One thing stands out as playing a key factor. My mental health. I can tell when I'm feeling "off" and when someone engages me in conversation I tend to be "fake", fake happy tone in my voice and then things typically get awkward from there because as I'm listening to their banter my eyes are betraying me and I feel like the words "Ugh. Will this conversation end, I'm not up for it!" are being displayed on my pupils since they tend to stop talking as if reading my pleading eyes.

But when I'm in my healthy state of mind I have a more "whatever" type of outlook. I am calm with the person I'm talking to, I smile a genuine smile, am friendly and even if I goof up in something I've said, the charming way in which I've said it automatically cancels out any awkwardness and I know I am forgiven the social faux pas.

Does this sound anything like you or is it more like the personality of that neighbor you try to avoid bumping into?

I'm more of a "don't talk because you'll end up like Kramer" type of person.

[princesa]

I'm more of a "don't talk because you'll end up like Kramer" type of person.

L O L. I can't see the video at work but thanks for making me laugh with that comment!!!! i'll check it out when i get home

[Xmansmommy]

My days are such that I can't ever avoid people, I'm outside almost from sun up to sun down surrounded by people. I have to be fake when I feel like crap and i'm no good at it most times either which is the reason for some awkward moments I think. On those days when I walk sideways if I were really to act like I felt I would say very sarcastic and hurtful things, the best I can strive for during those times are quiet and awkward, the alternative is far worse.

Just like CP, I am unable to fake it. I can't fake friendships and I can't fake happiness. I learned that lesson nearly 20 years ago in a very profound way. Since then, I have no problems telling people that I'm not doing so well when I'm not. It's ok to be that honest. Sometimes even with complete strangers. And for those that aren't strangers it also tends to weed out those who are only asking to make small talk anyway. Those who really don't care won't dig too deep if you simply say that you're "doing ok" or "I'm surviving" or even, "not so well." They will respond according to their level of care for you but it does tend to nip disingenuous dialogue in the bud. And I've learned that that is ok too.

I've always been an extrovert but I think the older I get, the more I'm becoming introverted. I'm not entirely sure why that is (I have a few theories LOL) but I've noticed it in myself and whenever I take the personality type tests I recognize it by how I answer the questions.

Princesa, I hope that you stay true to who you are and allow yourself some social distance when you truly aren't feeling it and that you don't beat yourself up for it when it happens.