How Much Social Grace do U Have?

[princesa]

Just like CP, I am unable to fake it. I can't fake friendships and I can't fake happiness. I learned that lesson nearly 20 years ago in a very profound way. Since then, I have no problems telling people that I'm not doing so well when I'm not. It's ok to be that honest. Sometimes even with complete strangers. And for those that aren't strangers it also tends to weed out those who are only asking to make small talk anyway. Those who really don't care won't dig too deep if you simply say that you're "doing ok" or "I'm surviving" or even, "not so well." They will respond according to their level of care for you but it does tend to nip disingenuous dialogue in the bud. And I've learned that that is ok too.

I've always been an extrovert but I think the older I get, the more I'm becoming introverted. I'm not entirely sure why that is (I have a few theories LOL) but I've noticed it in myself and whenever I take the personality type tests I recognize it by how I answer the questions.

Princesa, I hope that you stay true to who you are and allow yourself some social distance when you truly aren't feeling it and that you don't beat yourself up for it when it happens.

Thanks Xman, I appreciate your insight. In case I wasn't clear, I'm not faking friendships.

Faking happiness is something many people do when you're at a grocery store and someone says hello, you smile and say hello and talk about the weather. I'm not going to put my hand up and say "hey buddy, I know you just said hi but let me just tell you that I"m not feeling well so don't go trying to start any small talk with me okay". If I were REALLY being authentic I would say just that. But sometimes you do fake it until you make it home because talking about it is worse and unnecessary. Sometimes I may want to and maybe I have said it to others, like "I've had better days" but usually I just go with the flow. As far as at work, when you deal with corporate america you can't get in the habit of saying you're not doing so well or you're surviving everyday as you might get a visit from HR. So while "faking it" sounds so horrible on one level it's the reality for many of us who just don't want to show people how bummed you are. I haven't read my OP in a bit but perhaps I misconstrued what I meant if what was taken was the fact that I "fake" feelings. It goes beyond that. I think to be awkward IS ME sometimes and to be extroverted IS ME sometimes. Depends on the day, depends on the mood. I'm sure that's the same for most of us.

[Cow Poke]

It goes beyond that. I think to be awkward IS ME sometimes and to be extroverted IS ME sometimes. Depends on the day, depends on the mood. I'm sure that's the same for most of us.

I really do try, as much as possible, to be consistent in my mood and outward appearance. It helps others deal with me. For the most part, I am even tempered and I try to be kind and considerate. Part of the equation is how people perceive us, and I try to allow them to give me the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand, I know some people who are consistently negative and complaining. I do my best just to avoid them.

[princesa]

I really do try, as much as possible, to be consistent in my mood and outward appearance. It helps others deal with me. For the most part, I am even tempered and I try to be kind and considerate. Part of the equation is how people perceive us, and I try to allow them to give me the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand, I know some people who are consistently negative and complaining. I do my best just to avoid them.

yeah, it's not so hard to be consistent in outward appearance, most people always look calm on the outside and are friendly etc...I also try to avoid people who are negative, talk too much or are self centered attention seekers.

[Astra49]

It goes beyond that. I think to be awkward IS ME sometimes and to be extroverted IS ME sometimes. Depends on the day, depends on the mood. I'm sure that's the same for most of us.


*

Princesa, what you have written here is how I often feel.

I have just moved back to a small village of about 3,000 residents, many of whom I know on a superficial level, some on a more personal level.

Some days when I go shopping, looking quite daggy in old jeans, a shirt and hair flying,I might go into the vegetable store, I will greet everyone there, up front with a" how are you all to day? Wow, what a day" and start a conversation with anyone and everyone, and EVERYONE talks back as though they know me. No problems at all.

Then the other night got all dressed up,and perfumed etc, and I went to a Christmas function, with lots of people there, most I knew fairly well and I really didn't want to be part of the conversation around me at all. I felt almost disjointed and not at all there. In my previous life I always dealt with people from many walks of life, with ease, I wonder if you get to a stage in life when you do sit back and let life wash all around you a bit?

[Darth Executor]

I really do try, as much as possible, to be consistent in my mood and outward appearance. It helps others deal with me. For the most part, I am even tempered and I try to be kind and considerate. Part of the equation is how people perceive us, and I try to allow them to give me the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand, I know some people who are consistently negative and complaining. I do my best just to avoid them.

Then why do you keep stalking me? Don't think I didn't see you in that van yesterday.

[Cow Poke]

Then why do you keep stalking me? Don't think I didn't see you in that van yesterday.

The Lord hath assigned me to thee.

[princesa]

Then why do you keep stalking me? Don't think I didn't see you in that van yesterday.

The Lord hath assigned me to thee.

lol, Merry Christmas to two of my favorite people on Tweb. You both give me the warm fuzzies.

[Cow Poke]

lol, Merry Christmas to two of my favorite people on Tweb. You both give me the warm fuzzies.

Gorsh

And a Happy New Year to you!

[Xmansmommy]

Thanks Xman, I appreciate your insight. In case I wasn't clear, I'm not faking friendships.

Hey Princesa, thanks for the kind words. I'm sorry that I haven't got back to this sooner. The holidays were a very busy time for me and I'm glad they're over. For what it's worth, I didn't get the impression that you were faking friendships. I merely intended to share a little about who I am is all.

Faking happiness is something many people do when you're at a grocery store and someone says hello, you smile and say hello and talk about the weather. I'm not going to put my hand up and say "hey buddy, I know you just said hi but let me just tell you that I"m not feeling well so don't go trying to start any small talk with me okay". If I were REALLY being authentic I would say just that. But sometimes you do fake it until you make it home because talking about it is worse and unnecessary. Sometimes I may want to and maybe I have said it to others, like "I've had better days" but usually I just go with the flow.

When I'm not able to fake it or talk about it, I'll say something like you said.

As far as at work, when you deal with corporate america you can't get in the habit of saying you're not doing so well or you're surviving everyday as you might get a visit from HR.

True.

So while "faking it" sounds so horrible on one level it's the reality for many of us who just don't want to show people how bummed you are. I haven't read my OP in a bit but perhaps I misconstrued what I meant if what was taken was the fact that I "fake" feelings. It goes beyond that. I think to be awkward IS ME sometimes and to be extroverted IS ME sometimes. Depends on the day, depends on the mood. I'm sure that's the same for most of us.

I'd venture to guess that is true.

Regardless, I hope that you're having a good new year thus far and that today is a good day.

[Epaphras]

I'll not wallow in pity and assume I'm the only one who's ever fallen into that awkward phone conversation where I've just babbled incoherencies out of sheer nervousness to fill a pause ...or when I tell a random person on the elevator at work that I wear black on Mondays 'cause I'm mourning the weekend and he gives me the "odd" look you give strange people. Well he started it by saying 'Mondays are tough'. Wuss.

I just find it strange and wonder whether or not I am alone in this particular peculiarity of being an absolute social butterfly on one occasion and a complete awkward geeky teenlike friendless alien the next, some weeks later. I'm an introvert who can walk up to people with ease and chat, depending on the day. This is where I ask, does that sound familiar? Is that you too? People have commented on my great conversations and my friendliness! and yet, I can babble awkwardly to fill a space and then feel like crap after hanging up and saying "why can't i be like I was last week?"

One thing stands out as playing a key factor. My mental health. I can tell when I'm feeling "off" and when someone engages me in conversation I tend to be "fake", fake happy tone in my voice and then things typically get awkward from there because as I'm listening to their banter my eyes are betraying me and I feel like the words "Ugh. Will this conversation end, I'm not up for it!" are being displayed on my pupils since they tend to stop talking as if reading my pleading eyes.

But when I'm in my healthy state of mind I have a more "whatever" type of outlook. I am calm with the person I'm talking to, I smile a genuine smile, am friendly and even if I goof up in something I've said, the charming way in which I've said it automatically cancels out any awkwardness and I know I am forgiven the social faux pas.

Does this sound anything like you or is it more like the personality of that neighbor you try to avoid bumping into?

All this does sound somewhat familiar...but guys don't generally get PMS so it doesn't apply to me so much.

[ikaika777]

Reduce or limit refined carbohydrates and sugar intake,
Avoid caffeine and other stimulants, Limit dairy products and red meat....

Looks like ObamaAntichrist is back with another sockpuppet account.

[Cow Poke]

Looks like ObamaAntichrist is back with another sockpuppet account.

Where?

[Adrift]

Where?

Did ikaika's account get hacked or something? Because he has the exact same post with the exact same quote in this old thread on Michael Jackson as well. I have no idea where he's citing that Amery person from since the poster isn't in either thread. If you google the exact phrase that ikaika is quoting there's a number of spammy hits.

Weird stuff.

Course, its also possible that ikaika is just cracking up or something.

[Sparko]

I banned the spambot Armery and deleted his posts.

[Cerebrum123]

Did ikaika's account get hacked or something? Because he has the exact same post with the exact same quote in this old thread on Michael Jackson as well. I have no idea where he's citing that Amery person from since the poster isn't in either thread. If you google the exact phrase that ikaika is quoting there's a number of spammy hits.

Weird stuff.

Course, its also possible that ikaika is just cracking up or something.

Actually the quoted material is a little different in that thread.