We need advice from smart/married people!

[QuantaFille]

As some of you know, Rational Gaze and I are spending the summer together after deciding to start a relationship.
Neither one of us has ever been in a relationship before. We don't know what we're doing, and we're having to make some decisions that affect the rest of our lives. We are mostly sure so far that we want to get married, but we have no idea when or where. I live in Texas currently, with plans to move back to Utah to finish school as soon as I can. He's still living in England, and when he goes back after this summer he's starting the 3rd and final year of his bachelor's degree. There is a Master's program at the University of Southampton that he wants to go for. He can either go full time for one year, or part time for two. We had already briefly discussed the logistics of getting married, and all we decided was that we'd wait until at least one of us was done with school, and that we'd get married wherever was easiest for our families to travel to.
He will finish school before I do (I have two years to go, and at least another year before I can get myself back to Utah). It will be at least another two years before he finishes, if he completes the Master's program in one year.
That is at least two more years of a long distance relationship. I believe that a relationship strong enough to survive that is worth the wait, but why go through that if we don't have to?

I guess what I am asking, is should we stick to our original plan and wait until he's done with school? Or should we wait until he's got his Bachelor's, and then marry, and go ahead and move to southern England whilst he does his Master's part time and works part time, and I would get a job, and after he graduated we'd move to Utah so I can finish school? We need someone with more life experience than we have to give us advice. What are the pros and cons of our available options? Are there options we're overlooking?

We only want advice from a Christian perspective, please.

Thanks.

[Darth Executor]

Or should we wait until he's got his Bachelor's, and then marry, and go ahead and move to southern England whilst he does his Master's part time and works part time, and I would get a job, and after he graduated we'd move to Utah so I can finish school?

I'd go with this option if it's financially viable. Why spend more time alone than you have to?

[QuantaFille]

I'd go with this option if it's financially viable. Why spend more time alone than you have to?

Because we figured it'd be best to have finished school and thus have a better job when we get married in order to start out on stable footing financially, but this might not be the case. We don't know. With the job market what it is, there's no guarantee that either of us will be able to find a good job right out of school, anyway. There may be the option to live with his family anyway whilst he's enrolled at university, if we can't find a relatively cheap place to live.

[Pilgrim]

Why do you have to go to Utah for school?

[Darth Executor]

Because we figured it'd be best to have finished school and thus have a better job when we get married in order to start out on stable footing financially, but this might not be the case. We don't know. With the job market what it is, there's no guarantee that either of us will be able to find a good job right out of school, anyway. There may be the option to live with his family anyway whilst he's enrolled at university, if we can't find a relatively cheap place to live.

How are you paying for school?

[Raphael]

(will post a reply later....head too stuffy with a cold for me to think straight)

[Little Shepherd]

Why do you have to go to Utah for school?

There are very few good luthier schools in the country. The one in Utah happens to be one of the best. It's also more affordable, and would take her less distance away from her family than the alternatives.

[QuantaFille]

Why do you have to go to Utah for school?

Because that is where my school is. I started there and only did one year out of three before I had to move back in with my parents for a while. There are only three schools in the US that teach what I want to take, and this one is not only the best reputation-wise, but also the least expensive and is relatively close to home.

How are you paying for school?

I can't get grants or federal loans, so I am paying entirely with a loan from the local credit union. He's getting federal aid and loans, and the amount he'll owe back on his loans is very small compared to mine. I even considered not going back to school, just so we wouldn't owe so much back on student loans. Even if I don't go back to school, I still want to move to Utah. A lot of the rest of my family is leaving this area anyway and heading that direction, so I won't be too far away to visit.
If I don't go back to school though, it'll be hard for me to follow the career I want, which is one that I could easily do from home whilst raising kids. If we end up where both of us have to work, just about anything else I could do would be outside the home, which would not be ideal if we had kids already.

(will post a reply later....head too stuffy with a cold for me to think straight)

Take your time. Feel better!

Thanks for the replies so far.

[Little Shepherd]

How about:
Have him do the one-year thing while you stay with his family. He'll focus on school. You'll focus on working and saving up what you can. That'll get him in a good position for finding at least a teaching job or something in the US.

If you can't stay with his family, I might just suggest biting the bullet and waiting the extra year for him to finish school. He'll need at least a Masters to have any chance of getting a decent job over here. History's a really congested field, so that might not even be enough to be honest. Music gives him more options. If all else fails, there are always people wanting to learn to play instruments, so he can do that while waiting for something better. It would also be a job that would make it really easy for him to transplant when you move back to Mormotopia. And you have a decent enough job so you can use that time, again, to save up as much as possible.

For a wedding, I suggest New York City.

[QuantaFille]

There are very few good luthier schools in the country. The one in Utah happens to be one of the best. It's also more affordable, and would take her less distance away from her family than the alternatives.

I was still typing my post when you posted this. But yes, that is exactly why I have to go back to Utah for school.

[QuantaFille]

How about:
Have him do the one-year thing while you stay with his family. He'll focus on school. You'll focus on working and saving up what you can. That'll get him in a good position for finding at least a teaching job or something in the US.

He would be with his family too, commuting to Southampton for classes.

If you can't stay with his family, I might just suggest biting the bullet and waiting the extra year for him to finish school. He'll need at least a Masters to have any chance of getting a decent job over here. History's a really congested field, so that might not even be enough to be honest. Music gives him more options. If all else fails, there are always people wanting to learn to play instruments, so he can do that while waiting for something better. It would also be a job that would make it really easy for him to transplant when you move back to Mormotopia.

He's planning on getting a PhD. once he moves here permanently. That should open up some job possibilities as well.

And you have a decent enough job so you can use that time, again, to save up as much as possible.

I'm still going to be working here for one more year either way.

[Rational Gaze]

He's getting federal aid and loans

The UK doesn't have a federal government, but yes, I will be getting loans from Her Majesty's government. For the MA program, I can apply for a grant. Since I am saving as much of my student loans as possible, I should have enough for travel and other things if the grant does not cover everything. Either way, my total student loan fees that I have to pay back for my BA alone is only £9000, so when I get a decent job I won't have to pay back much in comparison to you, dear.

If you can't stay with his family, I might just suggest biting the bullet and waiting the extra year for him to finish school.

If it turns out my mum can't house both of us, then we'd have to look into renting a flat nearby (that is what my sister and cousin did.) The Isle of Wight is not particularly expensive, the only problem is that jobs are scarcer and pay less than the rest of the UK. I'd also point out that I don't particularly want to stay on the Isle of Wight all of my life. I have been trying to escape it. Even if Quanta didn't have two years of "school" left, I'd still want to move to the US.

I should add that my mum wants to get a 'supported lodger' and that space might be an issue. Although, my mum has been trying to apply for the supported lodger scheme for quite some time, and it does not look like it will happen any time soon. I have messaged my mum on Facebook (I would have called, but there is no landline here, and the mobile rates are exorbitant... that and I am mortally afraid of making important phone calls) and so need to hear back from her.

[QuantaFille]

The UK doesn't have a federal government, but yes, I will be getting loans from Her Majesty's government.

You know what I mean.

If it turns out my mum can't house both of us, then we'd have to look into renting a flat nearby (that is what my sister and cousin did.) The Isle of Wight is not particularly expensive, the only problem is that jobs are scarcer and pay less than the rest of the UK. I'd also point out that I don't particularly want to stay on the Isle of Wight all of my life. I have been trying to escape it. Even if Quanta didn't have two years of "school" left, I'd still want to move to the US.

We don't necessarily have to live on the IoW. Somewhere near Southampton would be fine, as long as I can find a job and an affordable place to live.

I have messaged my mum on Facebook (I would have called, but there is no landline here, and the mobile rates are exorbitant... that and I am mortally afraid of making important phone calls) and so need to hear back from her.

Not to mention, it was midnight for her at the time.

[Rational Gaze]

History's a really congested field, so that might not even be enough to be honest.

Well, my plan is to get into apologetics. I am doing a joint BA in History and Music right now, and I plan to do my dissertation on the historicity of Jesus' resurrection. I am planning on doing an MA in Jewish History and Culture:
http://www.southampton.ac.uk/humanit...d_culture.page

[Little Shepherd]

Well, my plan is to get into apologetics.

That's a good ambition, but that's another seriously congested field. Well, it's something that involves various seriously congested fields such as history, theology, and philosophy. It's more likely than not that you're going to have to do something else to pay the bills while looking for such a job, using your spare time to keep up with the latest developments in the field, write and submit articles for publication, look for speaking engagements, etc. You know Theonomy, right? That's what he's had to do for years since getting his doctorate.

As for plans to get your doctorate, if that's the case I'd seriously suggest that Quanta move there while you're pursuing that. Unless you can get a really good scholarship, it would be incredibly expensive for you to get it from a US university. I can't imagine it would be cheap to get it in the UK either, but as a citizen you're certain to have financial options there that you wouldn't have here.

Quanta, since you're paying out of pocket anyway, at least look into luthier schools in England. I know you want to go back to Utah, but you want to get married now so you should at least see if you have the option to pursue your career in a location that would allow your husband to continue his schooling as well. Minimum disruption of life goals and all that.