We need advice from smart/married people!

[QuantaFille]

As for plans to get your doctorate, if that's the case I'd seriously suggest that Quanta move there while you're pursuing that. Unless you can get a really good scholarship, it would be incredibly expensive for you to get it from a US university. I can't imagine it would be cheap to get it in the UK either, but as a citizen you're certain to have financial options there that you wouldn't have here.

That's true. Something to consider.

Quanta, since you're paying out of pocket anyway, at least look into luthier schools in England. I know you want to go back to Utah, but you want to get married now so you should at least see if you have the option to pursue your career in a location that would allow your husband to continue his schooling as well. Minimum disruption of life goals and all that.

There used to be a lutherie school in Wales, I think it was. Even if it was still there, I'm not commuting that far. The next closest ones are in Germany and Italy. I'm not commuting that far, either.

[Rational Gaze]

As for plans to get your doctorate, if that's the case I'd seriously suggest that Quanta move there while you're pursuing that.

Well, the University of Southampton does offer an MPhil/PhD History Research Program that takes up to 4 years full time, or up to 7 years part-time: http://www.southampton.ac.uk/postgra...mphil_phd.html

I'll probably go for the full-time option then.

[princesa]

I wish the both of you a happy journey whatever your decision.
I wanted to marry right away and we both didn't finish our degrees beforehand. We allowed life to get in the way and it took lots of struggle and years to obtain it finally. (because we had children and other responsibilities in between). I lived with my mother in law for a bit too but that did not last long (bad dynamic). The best method of a young couple to start off is (in my opinion based on my terrible experience)to not live with anyone else but each other when married. That's number one. Number two, I would suggest having degrees before having children. Sorry if that offends I only offer it b/c of the unforgettably hard time we had. In this market (I live in NY) we are competing with people with their Masters, their MBA's,...a bachelor is almost a given, employers will give preference to someone with a masters over a BA, especially when experience comes into play. Patience, number 3, in all things, which I'm sure you both have. Looking back, I've always said to myself "If only we had our advanced degrees first, enjoyed our marriage with just the two of us for a few years, things might have turned out different". I'm in a great place in my marriage now and have learned to let go of regret and appreciate my wonderful family but it was at a cost. God bless you both.

[ApologiaPhoenix]

Distance learning can help also. Toodles and I are planning on my getting my Master's from Pretoria distance learning.

[Sparko]

Not that I have much practical experience in such things but here is what I think:

I think that one or both of you should finish your degrees, no matter what, before getting married. School is important and sometimes marriage can (like Princesa said) get in the way. My brother got married while him and his wife were still in school. Then of course they had to buy a house, and oops, along comes baby. All of a sudden they had responsibilities and needed jobs and both dropped out of school. They ended up with a big student loan debt for the years they were in school and no degrees and fairly low paying jobs to boot.

I also don't think you should live together until you ARE married. That might mean remaining apart longer, but it will keep down temptation, and avoid the problems I mentioned above that can happen.

and....

congratulations!

[Rational Gaze]

I also don't think you should live together until you ARE married.

Quanta and I both already agree on that. :-)

[Rational Gaze]

Distance learning can help also.

We have considered that option, but I don't think Southampton do that, although I could be wrong. Obviously, I don't have to do an MA and PhD at Southampton, but it would be preferable.

[Sparko]

We have considered that option, but I don't think Southampton do that, although I could be wrong. Obviously, I don't have to do an MA and PhD at Southampton, but it would be preferable.

Hey I just realized sumthin! You is trying to steal our 'merican wimminfolk!

[QuantaFille]

Not that I have much practical experience in such things but here is what I think:

Your advice is still valuable.

I think that one or both of you should finish your degrees, no matter what, before getting married.

If we wait for him to get his PhD., we're talking about waiting six years. If we wait until he at least has his Master's, that's two years. It will be at least three for me, assuming the credit union gives me the loan this time and I can go back to school a year from now.
Either way, we certainly won't be having kids until we know we're ready financially.

They ended up with a big student loan debt for the years they were in school and no degrees and fairly low paying jobs to boot.

I've already done years of low-paying jobs, and I am ready to be done with that. One or both of us will finish school if it kills us.

I also don't think you should live together until you ARE married. That might mean remaining apart longer, but it will keep down temptation, and avoid the problems I mentioned above that can happen.

That's a given. I did say I wanted advice from a Christian perspective, and what I meant was no one telling us to just move in together first.
Besides, if we did move in together before marriage, the one who does the moving-in won't be able to work in the other's country legally without being married to a citizen. It would defeat the purpose. There would be no practical reason to do it.

and....

congratulations!

Thanks!

Hey I just realized sumthin! You is trying to steal our 'merican wimminfolk!

Hey, I'm part Brit, and I've lived in the UK before.
I'm more like a Brit/American hybrid. I drink tea like any Brit you've ever seen.

[Rational Gaze]

Hey I just realized sumthin! You is trying to steal our 'merican wimminfolk!

I do want to move to the US, you know.

[Little Shepherd]

Given the time tables, I might just say to get your luthier training while he works on his advanced degrees in England. That way you'll both be finished with everything education-related in 6 years' time. If everything goes well, that means you'll be married when he's 1 year into his PhD program and you're already finished with luthier school. If you try to do it some other way, you're looking at cumulative time -- 8 or 9 years instead of 6 before you're both done. I understand you want to get married sooner rather than later, but it looks like a couple years will really help alleviate some stress, and possibly some expenses too.

[Rational Gaze]

Given the time tables, I might just say to get your luthier training while he works on his advanced degrees in England.

Indeed.

[Sparko]

I think Quanta should make me a guitar for practice.

[QuantaFille]

I think Quanta should make me a guitar for practice.

That's not what I'm going to school for.
If it was, there are schools that teach guitar-making aaaaaalllll over the place. I could do that anywhere.

But...
I have also considered not going back to school at all. I might be able to get by on my own with what training I have, if I'm not going to be trying to get a job in someone else's shop. I could set up my own workshop at home. If I go back, that's $20,000+ in school loans I will have to pay back. I want to be in a good position financially before we have kids, and that's a lot of debt when we're just starting out in our careers.
Then again, if I finish, I would have a better foundation experience-wise, and may be able to charge more for my work if I have my certificate.

Thanks for all the input and advice so far, everyone.

[williamson8]

Hello and congratulations on your decision to marry. I'm new to this site and this is my first post. I hope it's alright if I put in my two cents worth.

First, while I remember, I totally agree with advice that another member gave in relation to living together as a newly married couple. If possible, avoid sharing with anyone else. There are enough adjustments to make in those first few years without having the added burden of other people in your place of residence. However, sometimes we do have to make sacrifices to get ahead. Just really think this one through.

As far as degrees go, I would suggest that it is your fiancee's study that should be the priority and that other matters should accommodate the completion of his degree. If you are able to continue your study then you have the option of doing that in whatever way is available. However, I would certainly recommend that you and your fiancee figure out exactly what direction he will be going in and then work out yours. Scripture tells us that a man should provide for his family, so I believe you would be best to help him achieve that goal.

Something you need to consider is that when you have children you may decide to be a full-time-stay-home-mum and/or you may eventually even choose to home school. You may feel a calling or conviction to remain at home. This means you would be out of the work force for a very long time. I know this could sound like a very unlikely event, but it is possible. I know everyone is different, but I guess my point is that when babies come along your plans to return to work could go out the window.

So, in light of this, I guess you need to weigh up how much benefit you will get from your degree. Are the years of study and college debt worth it? In Australia, we have a system where we only pay back our university debt once we earn over a certain amount of money, so it's not a huge problem if one decides to stay home. I'm not sure how your system works and if you will have to service your debt regardless of your income. If you do, then that is a serious consideration. I think you mentioned quite a lengthy period of study for your degree, so it would be useful to look at how old you will be when you finish your degree and at what age you might want to start a family. There are a lot of "ifs" and "buts", but it may help to look at the value of your degree in the long term. For a man who will be working full time for decades, it is definitely worth the time, cost, and lost earning potential in the years of study. But, the reality of a christian woman is that it may not be.

Do you have christian parents who can guide you on this? Do you have someone from church who would give you Godly counsel? It would be worthwhile seeking their wisdom. And, of course, asking God for wisdom. These are big decisions and this is a very exciting time in your life! I wish you all the best.

Kind regards,
Lyndell

Just for your info - I'm a home school mum of six children and have been married for 15 years. I was previously a school teacher before having children. Never would have thought I'd have six kids, let alone home school them! All things are possible :-)