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Thread: Gut Kicked

  1. #1
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Gut Kicked

    We have a man who was in our Church who was a Deputy Sheriff. I may have discussed this elsewhere, so I'll keep it to the Reader's Digest version.

    He obviously has anger issues, and was the jailer on duty when an inmate, who was incredibly quarrelsome and a genuine troublemaker, did his best to provoke (let's call him Jim) by threatening to kill Jim's family when he got out of jail. He even named the street Jim lives on, indicating he knows exactly where Jim lives.

    Jim lost his temper and punched the guy in the head. Absolutely no excuse, no mistaking he hit the guy, it was on video. No provocation justifies that.

    I attended the trial, and testified on his behalf. He had been very active in my church, I knew he had anger issues, and was working with him on that. I knew that Jim would probably lose his TCOLE license, and never be in law enforcement again, and was prepared for that. The trial was during the Ferguson fury, and the judge - improperly in my opinion - not only ordered that Jim lose his TCOLE license, but that he be confined to county jail for one year, no possibility of 'good behavior'. The judge stated that he felt it was necessary "to send a message". It was quite a media event with Quannel X from Houston attending the trial, also. (believe it or not, Quannel and I are actually friends) That's not what the judicial system is all about, but let's leave that alone.

    Appeals ran out, and Jim was arrested and taken to jail just before Thanksgiving. About 3 months ago, Jim had lost his temper in our Church on a work day, and caused quite a little tempest within our membership. I spent a couple weeks managing that, getting everybody calmed down, and meeting with Jim, but Jim was bitter at me for 'not doing more'. I don't know what "more" I could have done. You would not believe the things I, and our Church, have done to help him and his family.

    From prison, I received - about a week and a half ago - a letter from Jim apologizing for all the problems he caused, his anger, his accusations against me, etc. It was a great relief, because I have been a friend to Jim through all this.

    I called the Sheriff (another county, because they wouldn't put him in the same jail he used to work) to ask if I could come visit Jim. There was no visitation, but since I'm a police chaplain, that opened the door.

    I went and had a really good visit with Jim, and I left greatly relieved that we were friends again, and talked through the "old issues".

    Today, I got another letter from Jim, filled with anger, accusing me of abandoning him, not doing enough for him, allowing "certain people" to run my Church (it's not MY church, and these "certain people" are ones that Jim blew up against anc caused the big scene) and telling me I coudln't visit him anymore.

    It is such a gut kick, and I truly feel stabbed in the back. I've been sitting here for the last couple hours just thinking how to even respond. His family - wife and three kids - still attend here, and for a while, you could tell they bought into his narrative that I, somehow, didn't do enough for him. The last couple weeks, the family seems to be suddenly "OK", attending events, and treating me like they did before all this happened.

    Then this letter. I realize it could be that Jim had a bad day, or week, and is in a dark place. I'm preaching on the Joy of Christmas in the morning, and I can't get this letter out of my head.

    I appreciate your prayers.

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  2. #2
    Oops....... mossrose's Avatar
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    Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

  3. Amen Jedidiah amen'd this post.
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    Must...have...caffeine One Bad Pig's Avatar
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    Lord, have mercy.

    I'm going to guess that his issues don't have anything to do with you at all, but you can't keep hate concealed in your heart and not have it periodically manifest. Passions are never rational. In your place, I'd take this to God, saying something like, "God, I can't do this. Give me the words to say, and help me to love him as you love us who have turned our backs on You." I know you know this, but God became Incarnate, suffered, and died for those who spitefully got Him sentenced to death.
    Enter the Church and wash away your sins. For here there is a hospital and not a court of law. Do not be ashamed to enter the Church; be ashamed when you sin, but not when you repent. St. John Chrysostom

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  5. Amen Cow Poke, Cerebrum123 amen'd this post.
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    tWebber TheWall's Avatar
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    God help this guy.

  7. Amen Cow Poke amen'd this post.
  8. #5
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by One Bad Pig View Post
    Lord, have mercy.

    I'm going to guess that his issues don't have anything to do with you at all, but you can't keep hate concealed in your heart and not have it periodically manifest. Passions are never rational. In your place, I'd take this to God, saying something like, "God, I can't do this. Give me the words to say, and help me to love him as you love us who have turned our backs on You." I know you know this, but God became Incarnate, suffered, and died for those who spitefully got Him sentenced to death.
    I'm drawn to these kinds of guys, OBP, it's kinda like a mission or something. It's almost like I take "lost causes" as a challenge, because Christ never saw me as a lost cause, even though I tried. It was just a real - like I said - kick in the gut to get this letter.

    Thanks

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  9. Amen Cerebrum123 amen'd this post.
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    tWebber Teallaura's Avatar
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    Okay, I know nothing but what you wrote - and what it's like to struggle with anger. I'm on the other end of the spectrum - I rarely have outbursts - but it is something I struggle with - a lot.

    Forget the letters - he's raging and he's on the 'no real control' end of the spectrum. My guess is he's raging at the injustice and the loss of control. That he reversed so suddenly with no apparent cause is concerning. Anger is self-destructive - usually by way of destroying those around you as well - but that irrationality is usually momentary. His lasted long enough to write and mail the letter. I'd be concerned that he is a danger to himself and to others. That rage is winning the battle.

    His anger is directed everywhere - it's probably mostly at himself but men usually have trouble admitting that to themselves - they project blame so they don't have to. While he's in that state, ignore what he says because he hasn't worked it out enough to know what he really means yet.

    Again, I'd be most concerned about him becoming a danger to himself and others. He's not able to cope - and he'll likely lash out at whatever is available, including himself if he has no other recourse.

    It sounds like he needs professional help now. Oh, and your judge is a moron.

  11. Amen Christianbookworm amen'd this post.
  12. #7
    Evolution is God's ID rogue06's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teallaura View Post
    Okay, I know nothing but what you wrote - and what it's like to struggle with anger. I'm on the other end of the spectrum - I rarely have outbursts - but it is something I struggle with - a lot.

    Forget the letters - he's raging and he's on the 'no real control' end of the spectrum. My guess is he's raging at the injustice and the loss of control. That he reversed so suddenly with no apparent cause is concerning. Anger is self-destructive - usually by way of destroying those around you as well - but that irrationality is usually momentary. His lasted long enough to write and mail the letter. I'd be concerned that he is a danger to himself and to others. That rage is winning the battle.

    His anger is directed everywhere - it's probably mostly at himself but men usually have trouble admitting that to themselves - they project blame so they don't have to. While he's in that state, ignore what he says because he hasn't worked it out enough to know what he really means yet.

    Again, I'd be most concerned about him becoming a danger to himself and others. He's not able to cope - and he'll likely lash out at whatever is available, including himself if he has no other recourse.

    It sounds like he needs professional help now. Oh, and your judge is a moron.
    It seems like he feels helpless and is lashing out at everyone and everything rather than taking responsibility for his own actions.

    I'm always still in trouble again

  13. #8
    tWebber Teallaura's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rogue06 View Post
    It seems like he feels helpless and is lashing out at everyone and everything rather than taking responsibility for his own actions.
    Maybe 'as well as' - there may be times when he knows some of the responsibility is his.

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    tWebber
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    3 For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures --1 Corinthians 15:3-4 (borrowed with gratitude from 37818's sig)

  15. Amen Cow Poke amen'd this post.
  16. #10
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by One Bad Pig View Post
    Lord, have mercy.

    I'm going to guess that his issues don't have anything to do with you at all, but you can't keep hate concealed in your heart and not have it periodically manifest. Passions are never rational. In your place, I'd take this to God, saying something like, "God, I can't do this. Give me the words to say, and help me to love him as you love us who have turned our backs on You." I know you know this, but God became Incarnate, suffered, and died for those who spitefully got Him sentenced to death.
    So, I spent a couple hours last night composing a letter in response, which I reread this morning. I will now delete that letter without printing it, and work on a more proper response.

    Thanks, all.

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  17. Amen Teallaura, One Bad Pig amen'd this post.

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