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Gut Kicked

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  • Gut Kicked

    We have a man who was in our Church who was a Deputy Sheriff. I may have discussed this elsewhere, so I'll keep it to the Reader's Digest version.

    He obviously has anger issues, and was the jailer on duty when an inmate, who was incredibly quarrelsome and a genuine troublemaker, did his best to provoke (let's call him Jim) by threatening to kill Jim's family when he got out of jail. He even named the street Jim lives on, indicating he knows exactly where Jim lives.

    Jim lost his temper and punched the guy in the head. Absolutely no excuse, no mistaking he hit the guy, it was on video. No provocation justifies that.

    I attended the trial, and testified on his behalf. He had been very active in my church, I knew he had anger issues, and was working with him on that. I knew that Jim would probably lose his TCOLE license, and never be in law enforcement again, and was prepared for that. The trial was during the Ferguson fury, and the judge - improperly in my opinion - not only ordered that Jim lose his TCOLE license, but that he be confined to county jail for one year, no possibility of 'good behavior'. The judge stated that he felt it was necessary "to send a message". It was quite a media event with Quannel X from Houston attending the trial, also. (believe it or not, Quannel and I are actually friends) That's not what the judicial system is all about, but let's leave that alone.

    Appeals ran out, and Jim was arrested and taken to jail just before Thanksgiving. About 3 months ago, Jim had lost his temper in our Church on a work day, and caused quite a little tempest within our membership. I spent a couple weeks managing that, getting everybody calmed down, and meeting with Jim, but Jim was bitter at me for 'not doing more'. I don't know what "more" I could have done. You would not believe the things I, and our Church, have done to help him and his family.

    From prison, I received - about a week and a half ago - a letter from Jim apologizing for all the problems he caused, his anger, his accusations against me, etc. It was a great relief, because I have been a friend to Jim through all this.

    I called the Sheriff (another county, because they wouldn't put him in the same jail he used to work) to ask if I could come visit Jim. There was no visitation, but since I'm a police chaplain, that opened the door.

    I went and had a really good visit with Jim, and I left greatly relieved that we were friends again, and talked through the "old issues".

    Today, I got another letter from Jim, filled with anger, accusing me of abandoning him, not doing enough for him, allowing "certain people" to run my Church (it's not MY church, and these "certain people" are ones that Jim blew up against anc caused the big scene) and telling me I coudln't visit him anymore.

    It is such a gut kick, and I truly feel stabbed in the back. I've been sitting here for the last couple hours just thinking how to even respond. His family - wife and three kids - still attend here, and for a while, you could tell they bought into his narrative that I, somehow, didn't do enough for him. The last couple weeks, the family seems to be suddenly "OK", attending events, and treating me like they did before all this happened.

    Then this letter. I realize it could be that Jim had a bad day, or week, and is in a dark place. I'm preaching on the Joy of Christmas in the morning, and I can't get this letter out of my head.

    I appreciate your prayers.
    The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

  • #2




    Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

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    • #3
      Lord, have mercy.

      I'm going to guess that his issues don't have anything to do with you at all, but you can't keep hate concealed in your heart and not have it periodically manifest. Passions are never rational. In your place, I'd take this to God, saying something like, "God, I can't do this. Give me the words to say, and help me to love him as you love us who have turned our backs on You." I know you know this, but God became Incarnate, suffered, and died for those who spitefully got Him sentenced to death.
      Enter the Church and wash away your sins. For here there is a hospital and not a court of law. Do not be ashamed to enter the Church; be ashamed when you sin, but not when you repent. – St. John Chrysostom

      Veritas vos Liberabit<>< Learn Greek <>< Look here for an Orthodox Church in America<><Ancient Faith Radio
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      I recommend you do not try too hard and ...research as little as possible. Such weighty things give me a headache. - Shunyadragon, Baha'i apologist

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      • #4
        God help this guy.
        sigpic

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        • #5
          Originally posted by One Bad Pig View Post
          Lord, have mercy.

          I'm going to guess that his issues don't have anything to do with you at all, but you can't keep hate concealed in your heart and not have it periodically manifest. Passions are never rational. In your place, I'd take this to God, saying something like, "God, I can't do this. Give me the words to say, and help me to love him as you love us who have turned our backs on You." I know you know this, but God became Incarnate, suffered, and died for those who spitefully got Him sentenced to death.
          I'm drawn to these kinds of guys, OBP, it's kinda like a mission or something. It's almost like I take "lost causes" as a challenge, because Christ never saw me as a lost cause, even though I tried. It was just a real - like I said - kick in the gut to get this letter.

          Thanks
          The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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          • #6
            Okay, I know nothing but what you wrote - and what it's like to struggle with anger. I'm on the other end of the spectrum - I rarely have outbursts - but it is something I struggle with - a lot.

            Forget the letters - he's raging and he's on the 'no real control' end of the spectrum. My guess is he's raging at the injustice and the loss of control. That he reversed so suddenly with no apparent cause is concerning. Anger is self-destructive - usually by way of destroying those around you as well - but that irrationality is usually momentary. His lasted long enough to write and mail the letter. I'd be concerned that he is a danger to himself and to others. That rage is winning the battle.

            His anger is directed everywhere - it's probably mostly at himself but men usually have trouble admitting that to themselves - they project blame so they don't have to. While he's in that state, ignore what he says because he hasn't worked it out enough to know what he really means yet.

            Again, I'd be most concerned about him becoming a danger to himself and others. He's not able to cope - and he'll likely lash out at whatever is available, including himself if he has no other recourse.

            It sounds like he needs professional help now. Oh, and your judge is a moron.
            "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

            "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Teallaura View Post
              Okay, I know nothing but what you wrote - and what it's like to struggle with anger. I'm on the other end of the spectrum - I rarely have outbursts - but it is something I struggle with - a lot.

              Forget the letters - he's raging and he's on the 'no real control' end of the spectrum. My guess is he's raging at the injustice and the loss of control. That he reversed so suddenly with no apparent cause is concerning. Anger is self-destructive - usually by way of destroying those around you as well - but that irrationality is usually momentary. His lasted long enough to write and mail the letter. I'd be concerned that he is a danger to himself and to others. That rage is winning the battle.

              His anger is directed everywhere - it's probably mostly at himself but men usually have trouble admitting that to themselves - they project blame so they don't have to. While he's in that state, ignore what he says because he hasn't worked it out enough to know what he really means yet.

              Again, I'd be most concerned about him becoming a danger to himself and others. He's not able to cope - and he'll likely lash out at whatever is available, including himself if he has no other recourse.

              It sounds like he needs professional help now. Oh, and your judge is a moron.
              It seems like he feels helpless and is lashing out at everyone and everything rather than taking responsibility for his own actions.

              I'm always still in trouble again

              "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
              "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
              "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

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              • #8
                Originally posted by rogue06 View Post
                It seems like he feels helpless and is lashing out at everyone and everything rather than taking responsibility for his own actions.
                Maybe 'as well as' - there may be times when he knows some of the responsibility is his.
                "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

                "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

                My Personal Blog

                My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

                Quill Sword

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                • #9
                  3 For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures --1 Corinthians 15:3-4 (borrowed with gratitude from 37818's sig)

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by One Bad Pig View Post
                    Lord, have mercy.

                    I'm going to guess that his issues don't have anything to do with you at all, but you can't keep hate concealed in your heart and not have it periodically manifest. Passions are never rational. In your place, I'd take this to God, saying something like, "God, I can't do this. Give me the words to say, and help me to love him as you love us who have turned our backs on You." I know you know this, but God became Incarnate, suffered, and died for those who spitefully got Him sentenced to death.
                    So, I spent a couple hours last night composing a letter in response, which I reread this morning. I will now delete that letter without printing it, and work on a more proper response.

                    Thanks, all.
                    The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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                    • #11

                      I don't think he's truly angry at you, but you're one he can take it out on without fearing any real loss. If he was completely out of control he probably would have ended up coming to blows with someone in the jail. He definitely needs help though.

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                      • #12
                        Isn't there a Proverb about this kind of situation? Something about people with great anger needing to face consequences, for if you rescue them, you will have to do it again. Proverbs is really, really pragmatic.
                        If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

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                        • #13
                          I think this actually helps to talk through this with people who don't have a preference one way or another. Most of the people in my Church have a definite opinion on this. Some love Jim, and accept him as a flawed person with a defect in the area of anger management (I've been in that camp) and others see him as a little tyrant control freak who got what he deserves.

                          Interestingly, the Assistant District Attorney is also a member of my Church, and it's his office that prosecuted Jim - but Dan (we'll call him that) has been remarkably neutral in all of this, and had recused himself from the case from Day 1 because of the fact that he's a member of the same Church with Jim.

                          So, having considered your input, prayed a lot about this, and giving it a lot more thought, some additional facts have come into view.

                          Jim was tried in County A, and found guilty of official misconduct (we'll call it that) in the incident where he lost his temper and punched the inmate. (It would be easy to make the case that the inmate "asked for it", but the law is the law)

                          Since it's not commonly acceptable to confine a law enforcement person in the same facility where they served, Jim was remanded into custody of Sheriff B of County B.

                          Jim had become convinced, apparently, that once he was outside the jurisdiction of County A, he would quickly accrue "good conduct" points, and serve half or less of his one year term. Consequently, his wife initiated a letter writing campaign to Sheriff B to allow Jim to get out early - as early as before Christmas, in fact. I was also asked, by the wife (who had been terribly angry at me concerning another matter involving her husband) to write a letter to Sheriff B on Jim's behalf, making a case for his early release.

                          Something in me told me this campaign was misplaced, as I believed that Sheriff B was only the "custodian" of Jim, but that the actual legal controlling authority as to Jim's confinement was, indeed, Sheriff A. I confirmed that with the District Attorney's office, and on my visit to Jim in jail a couple weeks ago, let him know that the efforts should be directed to Sheriff A, not B. But there's another factor - before Sheriff B became Sheriff of County B, he was, indeed, the chief investigator for County A, and is the one who actually built the case against Jim for the DA's office.

                          Now for the timing.

                          The first letter from Jim - the one where he was apologetic and even repentant - came at the same time his wife was starting this letter writing campaign.

                          The second letter from Jim - the gut-kick letter - where he lashes out and blasts me, comes after I informed him that Sheriff A was the legal controlling authority in determining the actual length of Jim's actual jail time, and that Sheriff B was simply the "custodian" and had no real say, other than in a consulting role (yes, he was a model prisoner, or no, the guy has been a real pain in the....).

                          I really do not want to believe that the first letter was manipulative in hopes of having me write a more gracious letter to the Sheriff. I want to believe it was sincere and heartfelt. That hope is beginning to fade.

                          I'm beginning to think that Jim is just, by nature, an angry and troubled person who often knows how to "work the system", but has finally got caught by it, and is angry that he has - as some of you point out - no control.

                          I have reason to believe that Sheriff A has every intent of Jim serving "day for day" the entire 1 year sentence, and I think this reality is beginning to sink in (or maybe already has) on Jim.

                          I still feel I need to respond in writing to Jim, as I'm no longer permitted to visit him in jail, but I'm praying about the content of that letter, that it will be done in the spirit, not in the flesh.



                          edit: Accidentally used real name
                          Last edited by Cow Poke; 12-18-2017, 08:05 AM.
                          The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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                          • #14
                            The timing does seem to suggest an attempt at manipulation and having failed that the mask came off again

                            I'm always still in trouble again

                            "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                            "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                            "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by rogue06 View Post
                              The timing does seem to suggest an attempt at manipulation and having failed that the mask came off again
                              I still don't want to believe that, and I think I'm going to send him copies of both letters, and ask that. I'm just trying to figure out a way to do it that doesn't sound like an indictment - but that actually gets him to think.

                              (but, yeah, as much as I don't want to believe that, it's sure looking that way)
                              The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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