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Thread: Gut Kicked

  1. #11
    Professor Cerebrum123's Avatar
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    I don't think he's truly angry at you, but you're one he can take it out on without fearing any real loss. If he was completely out of control he probably would have ended up coming to blows with someone in the jail. He definitely needs help though.

  2. Amen Teallaura amen'd this post.
  3. #12
    tWebber Christianbookworm's Avatar
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    Isn't there a Proverb about this kind of situation? Something about people with great anger needing to face consequences, for if you rescue them, you will have to do it again. Proverbs is really, really pragmatic.
    If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

  4. #13
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    I think this actually helps to talk through this with people who don't have a preference one way or another. Most of the people in my Church have a definite opinion on this. Some love Jim, and accept him as a flawed person with a defect in the area of anger management (I've been in that camp) and others see him as a little tyrant control freak who got what he deserves.

    Interestingly, the Assistant District Attorney is also a member of my Church, and it's his office that prosecuted Jim - but Dan (we'll call him that) has been remarkably neutral in all of this, and had recused himself from the case from Day 1 because of the fact that he's a member of the same Church with Jim.

    So, having considered your input, prayed a lot about this, and giving it a lot more thought, some additional facts have come into view.

    Jim was tried in County A, and found guilty of official misconduct (we'll call it that) in the incident where he lost his temper and punched the inmate. (It would be easy to make the case that the inmate "asked for it", but the law is the law)

    Since it's not commonly acceptable to confine a law enforcement person in the same facility where they served, Jim was remanded into custody of Sheriff B of County B.

    Jim had become convinced, apparently, that once he was outside the jurisdiction of County A, he would quickly accrue "good conduct" points, and serve half or less of his one year term. Consequently, his wife initiated a letter writing campaign to Sheriff B to allow Jim to get out early - as early as before Christmas, in fact. I was also asked, by the wife (who had been terribly angry at me concerning another matter involving her husband) to write a letter to Sheriff B on Jim's behalf, making a case for his early release.

    Something in me told me this campaign was misplaced, as I believed that Sheriff B was only the "custodian" of Jim, but that the actual legal controlling authority as to Jim's confinement was, indeed, Sheriff A. I confirmed that with the District Attorney's office, and on my visit to Jim in jail a couple weeks ago, let him know that the efforts should be directed to Sheriff A, not B. But there's another factor - before Sheriff B became Sheriff of County B, he was, indeed, the chief investigator for County A, and is the one who actually built the case against Jim for the DA's office.

    Now for the timing.

    The first letter from Jim - the one where he was apologetic and even repentant - came at the same time his wife was starting this letter writing campaign.

    The second letter from Jim - the gut-kick letter - where he lashes out and blasts me, comes after I informed him that Sheriff A was the legal controlling authority in determining the actual length of Jim's actual jail time, and that Sheriff B was simply the "custodian" and had no real say, other than in a consulting role (yes, he was a model prisoner, or no, the guy has been a real pain in the....).

    I really do not want to believe that the first letter was manipulative in hopes of having me write a more gracious letter to the Sheriff. I want to believe it was sincere and heartfelt. That hope is beginning to fade.

    I'm beginning to think that Jim is just, by nature, an angry and troubled person who often knows how to "work the system", but has finally got caught by it, and is angry that he has - as some of you point out - no control.

    I have reason to believe that Sheriff A has every intent of Jim serving "day for day" the entire 1 year sentence, and I think this reality is beginning to sink in (or maybe already has) on Jim.

    I still feel I need to respond in writing to Jim, as I'm no longer permitted to visit him in jail, but I'm praying about the content of that letter, that it will be done in the spirit, not in the flesh.



    edit: Accidentally used real name
    Last edited by Cow Poke; 12-18-2017 at 01:05 PM.

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  5. Amen LostSheep, Teallaura amen'd this post.
  6. #14
    Evolution is God's ID rogue06's Avatar
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    The timing does seem to suggest an attempt at manipulation and having failed that the mask came off again

    I'm always still in trouble again

    You're by far the worst poster on TWeb -- starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)

  7. #15
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rogue06 View Post
    The timing does seem to suggest an attempt at manipulation and having failed that the mask came off again
    I still don't want to believe that, and I think I'm going to send him copies of both letters, and ask that. I'm just trying to figure out a way to do it that doesn't sound like an indictment - but that actually gets him to think.

    (but, yeah, as much as I don't want to believe that, it's sure looking that way)

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

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    tWebber Teallaura's Avatar
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    Or it may have been the disappointment talking.

    ing

  9. #17
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    one of our Charter Members stopped by this morning, and shared his opinion that Jim may be bi-polar.

    He says Jim has gone through this a number of times in the past --- perfectly OK for a while, then angry and resentful and self-destructive.

    I really don't know bi-polar from polar express, but it's interesting that this guy thinks this is nothing new. And sitting in a jail cell for 23 hours a day can cause you to really overthink.

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  10. Amen Teallaura amen'd this post.
  11. #18
    radical strawberry
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cow Poke View Post
    one of our Charter Members stopped by this morning, and shared his opinion that Jim may be bi-polar.
    I don't know Jack, either, but from your description, this was my first thought.

  12. Amen Teallaura amen'd this post.
  13. #19
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lao tzu View Post
    I don't know Jack, either, but from your description, this was my first thought.
    So, seriously, because even though you're a total jerk, I do respect your opinion a little bit occasionally when there's not a full moon....

    I'm thinking about making copies of both letters, and mailing them to him with a cover letter that explains that the first one appeared totally sincere, reflective, conciliatory, and he took full responsibility for his actions, assuring he's on the right path. (That was just word vomit trying to get started in a right direction) The second letter, however, shows a man in deep denial, blaming everybody else for his own situation, and is self destructive. (still thinking through that)

    First - the idea itself - comparing and contrasting. I have a feeling he totally forgot what he wrote in that first letter. I'm thinking that, maybe, if he were to see both letters side by side, it might "turn on the light" that there's a problem on the planet.

    I realize you're getting this only from my perspective, and I'm keeping that in mind in trying to fairly lay out the facts.

    My relationship to him has been very good prior to this last letter - we had weekly meetings with a few other men in my Church, and he was always there. He was a worker / doer, very much involved in the Church activities.

    Sometimes I wonder if all of that was because he knew that "judgment" was hanging over his head, and was trying to demonstrate 'good behavior'.

    He actually began attending our Church after his bad action at the jail. He was suspended pending review, then there was the indictment, then a long time before trial (mind you, this was all in the Ferguson riots era) then over a year before sentencing -- another 6 months or so before they finally remanded him to custody.....

    I really like this guy, but I'm beginning to think this was all an effort on his part to give himself some credibility for a "good behavior" early release from jail. I don't want to think that.

    I'm more inclined to think maybe he truly is bi-polar, at least to some extent, and sitting in jail gives him lots of time to brood and simmer and....

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  14. #20
    radical strawberry
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    The fact you were "gut kicked" says you'd badly misread his behavior. That's what needs to be examined.

    Maybe it's because you're awful at reading people, but my original suspicion was a medical condition that makes this guy unusually hard to read. Or maybe, as you suspect, the church attendance, help, and conciliatory letter were just investments he's outraged to discover aren't going to pay off.

    I can't empathize with someone sitting in jail lashing out at someone trying to help them. Something's seriously wrong there, way beyond my personal experience.

    Bipolar fits the bill, but so does entitlement.


    Maybe you just wanted him to be better than he is.

    That's the right mistake to make, considering the alternatives.

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