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Mr peters i am very cynical but excited about marriage.

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  • Mr peters i am very cynical but excited about marriage.

    I despise the idea of having to biy a diamond. I despise the idea of getting screwed over by prenups or in court. I despise the idea that i will have to carry the burdens of an entire family monetarily most likely. Yet i cant hate marriage. I know it is a good thing. I want to understand how you can be so happy about it. How the married people here are so happy. I just see so many ways it could eat me alive.
    sigpic

  • #2
    Originally posted by TheWall View Post
    I despise the idea of having to biy a diamond.
    My first engagement ring was an aquamarine.** There are lots of girls who don't like diamonds, don't care as long as it is shiny, or just don't give a fig about the quality of the ring in general.

    **I lost my first engagement ring, and Y'hoshua, out of the goodness of his heart, bought me a new one, which is a diamond. I did not ask for it, though, and fully expected to just have a wedding band. We did eventually find my aquamarine, though, so now I have two.

    Originally posted by TheWall View Post
    I despise the idea of getting screwed over by prenups or in court.
    Don't sign a prenup. Obviously there is no 100% foolproof plan against divorce, but if you marry a girl who shares your views in religion and politics, and actually practices what she preaches, your likelihood of divorce is actually pretty low. Marry someone who is a serious practicing Christian. Take pre-marital counseling! It reduces your likelihood of divorce by a huge amount by heading off future arguments. Before you marry someone, talk about how many kids you want, how you want to raise your family, how you want to handle finances. That will head off the big breakup-inducing arguments. If you know before you propose that a girl doesn't want kids and you do, you already know it's not going to work out and if you keep going forward with the relationship you only have yourself to blame.

    **Also keep in mind that sentimental love is a feeling and, like all feelings, waxes and wanes. Some days you just don't feel ~*~sooo in love~*~ with your spouse, but if you realize that is a feeling that ebbs and flows, you shouldn't have anxiety about it. There is so much more awesome to marriage than butterflies or w/e.


    Originally posted by TheWall View Post
    I despise the idea that i will have to carry the burdens of an entire family monetarily most likely.
    I am a wife who in a couple of years will be the primary earner by a very, very large margin for the foreseeable future. If you don't want to be the primary breadwinner, date girls with some level of career aspiration; don't start developing anxiety about it before you're even seeing someone.** That said, there is a lot more to family finances than whoever brings home the bacon. My dad is and has always been the primary breadwinner for our home growing up (with my mom often having part-time jobs plus her retirement from her days as a social worker), but my mom pays all the bills and does all the grocery shopping. He just gives her money and she makes sure the home is running efficiently. Don't think of being the person with the bigger paycheck = carrying all the monetary burdens of a family. When times are lean, couples weather through it together. Also, ideally one would talk to their spouse if they feel too heavily burdened.

    **I realize the irony of who is talking here.

    Originally posted by TheWall View Post
    Yet i cant hate marriage. I know it is a good thing. I want to understand how you can be so happy about it. How the married people here are so happy. I just see so many ways it could eat me alive.
    You could stop reading /r/redpill for one. Garbage personalities aren't limited to either gender, and bad apples don't mean all is lost. Take a step back and realize you're catastrophizing** about a sequence of events that are not even close to happening and may never happen (getting eaten alive by marriage, I mean; not just getting married generally). There are definitely guys who get screwed over, and couples who end up immensely unhappy, but there are a lot of factors that play into all of that, and there are definitely ways to control your own situation. Anecdotally, I had heard for a long time that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but, tbh, my own experience has been pretty breezy. There have been arguments, sure, but no knock-down drag-out who-is-this-person-I-married sort of things. We were open and honest with each other throughout the time we dated. We're also two very serious Christians who were able to move down the same religious path together early in our marriage, which I think has been a really wonderful thing for our marriage.

    **something I am intimately familiar with

    "Fire is catching. If we burn, you burn with us!"
    "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay here and cause all kinds of trouble."
    Katniss Everdeen


    Christ our Passover has been sacrificed for us. Therefore let us keep the feast.

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    • #3
      Thank you writeranon.
      sigpic

      Comment


      • #4
        I agree with all she said. Allie's stone isn't a diamond. We also didn't sign a pre-nup. Never touched one of those things. Divorce is not an option. We're two committed Christians until death do us part.

        Read some good Christian writers on marriage.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Apologiaphoenix View Post
          I agree with all she said. Allie's stone isn't a diamond. We also didn't sign a pre-nup. Never touched one of those things. Divorce is not an option. We're two committed Christians until death do us part.

          Read some good Christian writers on marriage.
          I have read some of them. Bill and pam farnell for instance are pretty good. I wpuld want if i do meet a girl for divorce to never even be muttered. As a child of divorce i am well aware of how bad it is.
          sigpic

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          • #6
            When one of my friends from my High School days got engaged she mentioned in an off-handed sort of way that if it didn't work out she could always get divorced. Given that attitude I was not the least bit surprised that the marriage didn't even make it a full year.

            If you go into a marriage already thinking about divorce it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy in many ways

            I'm always still in trouble again

            "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
            "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
            "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

            Comment


            • #7
              I dont read redpill.
              sigpic

              Comment


              • #8
                Don't ruin my rhetorical flair.

                "Fire is catching. If we burn, you burn with us!"
                "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay here and cause all kinds of trouble."
                Katniss Everdeen


                Christ our Passover has been sacrificed for us. Therefore let us keep the feast.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by thewriteranon View Post
                  Don't ruin my rhetorical flair.
                  Ok. I just know some of the arguements from hearing them.
                  sigpic

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Here's what you do, sweet pea.

                    Stop thinking about marriage. Keep working on getting a place of your own, finishing school, finding a job or career that will satisfy you, seek God's will for your life first of all.

                    When it's time to actually think about marriage, you will be grounded in all these things. A woman, a ring, and the rest will fall into place and you will be ready for it then.

                    And your whole outlook will change. I know this.



                    Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Mossy is right. Enjoy your life as it is right now. No really enjoy it. And in the future, forget everything else. From someone whose actually been married twice, I never did sign a prenup, either time. Marriage is not easy. It is not. Just enjoy what you have right now and the rest will follow sometime down the road when and if you meet the right woman you want to buy a ring for.
                      A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
                      George Bernard Shaw

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Catholicity View Post
                        Mossy is right.
                        Whoa there. Let's not get all cray cray here

                        I'm always still in trouble again

                        "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                        "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                        "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by TheWall View Post
                          I despise the idea of having to biy a diamond. I despise the idea of getting screwed over by prenups or in court. I despise the idea that i will have to carry the burdens of an entire family monetarily most likely. Yet i cant hate marriage. I know it is a good thing. I want to understand how you can be so happy about it. How the married people here are so happy. I just see so many ways it could eat me alive.
                          Don't concern yourself with getting married. Marriage is not something that should be a goal in and of itself. The Lord works as he sees fit.

                          Come September 1 my wife and I will have been married for 54 years. There have been plenty of arguments and problems along the way, but I would not trade the love of my life for anything else. My wife is the greatest gift the Lord has put into my life next to salvation.

                          You do not need a diamond, that is just something that jewelers have cooked up to squeeze money from you. All you need is love/commitment.
                          Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by rogue06 View Post
                            Whoa there. Let's not get all cray cray here


                            Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by rogue06 View Post
                              Whoa there. Let's not get all cray cray here
                              That implies we aren't already.

                              Comment

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