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Mr peters i am very cynical but excited about marriage.

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  • #16
    One other thing I would encourage.

    We often think about the kind of spouse we want, which is fine.

    Yet we rarely think about the kind of spouse we'll be, which is what we have the most control over.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Apologiaphoenix View Post
      One other thing I would encourage.

      We often think about the kind of spouse we want, which is fine.

      Yet we rarely think about the kind of spouse we'll be, which is what we have the most control over.
      I wouldn't know anything specific. Just general stuff.
      sigpic

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      • #18
        Originally posted by thewriteranon View Post
        My first engagement ring was an aquamarine.** There are lots of girls who don't like diamonds, don't care as long as it is shiny, or just don't give a fig about the quality of the ring in general.

        **I lost my first engagement ring, and Y'hoshua, out of the goodness of his heart, bought me a new one, which is a diamond. I did not ask for it, though, and fully expected to just have a wedding band. We did eventually find my aquamarine, though, so now I have two.



        Don't sign a prenup. Obviously there is no 100% foolproof plan against divorce, but if you marry a girl who shares your views in religion and politics, and actually practices what she preaches, your likelihood of divorce is actually pretty low. Marry someone who is a serious practicing Christian. Take pre-marital counseling! It reduces your likelihood of divorce by a huge amount by heading off future arguments. Before you marry someone, talk about how many kids you want, how you want to raise your family, how you want to handle finances. That will head off the big breakup-inducing arguments. If you know before you propose that a girl doesn't want kids and you do, you already know it's not going to work out and if you keep going forward with the relationship you only have yourself to blame.

        **Also keep in mind that sentimental love is a feeling and, like all feelings, waxes and wanes. Some days you just don't feel ~*~sooo in love~*~ with your spouse, but if you realize that is a feeling that ebbs and flows, you shouldn't have anxiety about it. There is so much more awesome to marriage than butterflies or w/e.




        I am a wife who in a couple of years will be the primary earner by a very, very large margin for the foreseeable future. If you don't want to be the primary breadwinner, date girls with some level of career aspiration; don't start developing anxiety about it before you're even seeing someone.** That said, there is a lot more to family finances than whoever brings home the bacon. My dad is and has always been the primary breadwinner for our home growing up (with my mom often having part-time jobs plus her retirement from her days as a social worker), but my mom pays all the bills and does all the grocery shopping. He just gives her money and she makes sure the home is running efficiently. Don't think of being the person with the bigger paycheck = carrying all the monetary burdens of a family. When times are lean, couples weather through it together. Also, ideally one would talk to their spouse if they feel too heavily burdened.

        **I realize the irony of who is talking here.



        You could stop reading /r/redpill for one. Garbage personalities aren't limited to either gender, and bad apples don't mean all is lost. Take a step back and realize you're catastrophizing** about a sequence of events that are not even close to happening and may never happen (getting eaten alive by marriage, I mean; not just getting married generally). There are definitely guys who get screwed over, and couples who end up immensely unhappy, but there are a lot of factors that play into all of that, and there are definitely ways to control your own situation. Anecdotally, I had heard for a long time that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but, tbh, my own experience has been pretty breezy. There have been arguments, sure, but no knock-down drag-out who-is-this-person-I-married sort of things. We were open and honest with each other throughout the time we dated. We're also two very serious Christians who were able to move down the same religious path together early in our marriage, which I think has been a really wonderful thing for our marriage.

        **something I am intimately familiar with
        Very sensible, but just curious, how long have you been married?
        Last edited by JimL; 06-10-2018, 10:42 AM.

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        • #19
          She mentioned r/redpill. I don't know if you've actually mentioned that or if you read it, but if you do, absolutely stop. That subreddit has an anti-Christian worldview that will warp your view of women and marriage. It prompts its readers to ask what they can get out of women, and that's not what marriage is for.
          "I am not angered that the Moral Majority boys campaign against abortion. I am angry when the same men who say, "Save OUR children" bellow "Build more and bigger bombers." That's right! Blast the children in other nations into eternity, or limbless misery as they lay crippled from "OUR" bombers! This does not jell." - Leonard Ravenhill

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          • #20
            Originally posted by KingsGambit View Post
            She mentioned r/redpill. I don't know if you've actually mentioned that or if you read it, but if you do, absolutely stop. That subreddit has an anti-Christian worldview that will warp your view of women and marriage. It prompts its readers to ask what they can get out of women, and that's not what marriage is for.
            I dont read redpill. I just know of the arguements.
            sigpic

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            • #21
              Originally posted by TheWall View Post
              I dont read redpill. I just know of the arguements.
              Okay, I didn't see you mention anything about it but she said to stop reading it so I wasn't sure if there was something I missed.

              It does bother me that several professing Christians on this forum have defended red pill thinking.
              "I am not angered that the Moral Majority boys campaign against abortion. I am angry when the same men who say, "Save OUR children" bellow "Build more and bigger bombers." That's right! Blast the children in other nations into eternity, or limbless misery as they lay crippled from "OUR" bombers! This does not jell." - Leonard Ravenhill

              Comment


              • #22
                Prenups.

                TRUST

                Marriage is build on trust. Marry somebody you know you can trust.

                It's amazing how many people marry somebody they met where the other person was being unfaithful to their spouse. What on EARTH makes anybody think such a person is going to be loyal to THEM?

                If you really have trust (I trust my wife with my life) you don't need a prenup. You don't have to always wonder what she's doing. It's easy for you to leave everything "open book" - like computer email and passwords...

                Trust is one of those things which, when broken, is the most difficult of things to repair.

                Marry somebody you know you can trust - and that means getting to know them over a decent period of time.

                I purposely give my wife ZERO reason not to trust me.
                The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post
                  Prenups.

                  TRUST

                  Marriage is build on trust. Marry somebody you know you can trust.

                  It's amazing how many people marry somebody they met where the other person was being unfaithful to their spouse. What on EARTH makes anybody think such a person is going to be loyal to THEM?

                  If you really have trust (I trust my wife with my life) you don't need a prenup. You don't have to always wonder what she's doing. It's easy for you to leave everything "open book" - like computer email and passwords...

                  Trust is one of those things which, when broken, is the most difficult of things to repair.

                  Marry somebody you know you can trust - and that means getting to know them over a decent period of time.

                  I purposely give my wife ZERO reason not to trust me.
                  One of my employers from a few decades ago divorced his wife and married the woman he was cheating with (she was also cheating on her husband) and he would cheat on her any chance he got. They got divorced when he discovered she was also cheating.



                  [Honey, where did I put my shocked face?

                  It's right next to your jar of duh
                  ]
                  Last edited by rogue06; 06-10-2018, 05:06 PM.

                  I'm always still in trouble again

                  "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                  "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                  "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                  Comment


                  • #24


                    Originally posted by rogue06 View Post
                    [Honey, where did I put my shocked face?

                    It's right next to your jar of duh
                    ]


                    When I was driving long distances a lot more, I used to hear Dr Laura on the radio. FREQUENTLY, a caller would be complaining about something like....

                    Caller: My husband spends all his time at the race tack messing around with cars and drinking beer....
                    Dr Laura: Where did you guys meet?
                    Caller: At the race track, BUT.....

                    The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Cow Poke View Post






                      When I was driving long distances a lot more, I used to hear Dr Laura on the radio. FREQUENTLY, a caller would be complaining about something like....

                      Caller: My husband spends all his time at the race tack messing around with cars and drinking beer....
                      Dr Laura: Where did you guys meet?
                      Caller: At the race track, BUT.....

                      Reminds me of the old saying that a woman marries a man hoping to change him. A man marries a woman hoping that she'll never change.

                      I'm always still in trouble again

                      "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                      "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                      "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by KingsGambit View Post
                        Okay, I didn't see you mention anything about it but she said to stop reading it so I wasn't sure if there was something I missed.

                        It does bother me that several professing Christians on this forum have defended red pill thinking.
                        I don't think most of them are, but I ain't them. Tell them what specific problems you see in what they say. Personally I think from my experience that folks are just tired of the insanity proposed by third wave feminism.
                        sigpic

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by TheWall View Post
                          I don't think most of them are, but I ain't them. Tell them what specific problems you see in what they say. Personally I think from my experience that folks are just tired of the insanity proposed by third wave feminism.
                          I can't link to many examples because of the language they use, but this article is a good overview of the movement: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-r...-reddit-2013-8 Note the emphasis mentioned in the article of sex. Much of it is about how to get women into bed for casual sex. The mention of "game" is another red flag - they see women as trophies to be conquered rather than as potential partners in Christ. The rampant sexism also goes without saying.

                          It doesn't make any sense to me to jump to that extreme just because intersectional feminists are crazy. That's like finding you disagree with the Republican Party and deciding to become a Communist instead.

                          I just clicked on the "glossary of terms" on the Red Pill subreddit. There is horrific language I can't link to it, but there is a lot of talk about "sexual strategy" on there, and it ain't within the context of marraige. Absolutely nothing any Christian should be involved in.
                          "I am not angered that the Moral Majority boys campaign against abortion. I am angry when the same men who say, "Save OUR children" bellow "Build more and bigger bombers." That's right! Blast the children in other nations into eternity, or limbless misery as they lay crippled from "OUR" bombers! This does not jell." - Leonard Ravenhill

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by KingsGambit View Post
                            I can't link to many examples because of the language they use, but this article is a good overview of the movement: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-r...-reddit-2013-8 Note the emphasis mentioned in the article of sex. Much of it is about how to get women into bed for casual sex. The mention of "game" is another red flag - they see women as trophies to be conquered rather than as potential partners in Christ. The rampant sexism also goes without saying.

                            It doesn't make any sense to me to jump to that extreme just because intersectional feminists are crazy. That's like finding you disagree with the Republican Party and deciding to become a Communist instead.

                            I just clicked on the "glossary of terms" on the Red Pill subreddit. There is horrific language I can't link to it, but there is a lot of talk about "sexual strategy" on there, and it ain't within the context of marraige. Absolutely nothing any Christian should be involved in.
                            I wasn't suffering to people on the Reddit when I said folks were annoyed. I know of the arguments because they are brought up when third when feminist claim men don't have anything legally that burdens them.
                            sigpic

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Looking into that article I see that I certainly don't agree with "game" and while I see double standards I certainly don't feel comfortable with the idea of mgtow.
                              sigpic

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Not all red pill is the same. The red pill I know is very pro-marriage. I'm a member on a closed forum of Red Pill advocates, both men and women. They more or less are disciples of Athol Kay. ("Married Man's Sex Life" and "Mindful Action Plan"). Both are good reads. He is not a Christian though, so, not all of his material is suitable for a Christian marriage. It's not all new material, he pulls ideas from William Harley's work "His Needs Her Needs", among several others. His philosophy is that a household is like a ship, the man needs to be the Captain, the wife the First officer. XO's on ships have a lot of power and say so, only answering to the Captain himself. I can tell you when I went too far to the blue pill side, my wife did lose some attraction to me. As I've stepped (back) up as Captain, my marriage has improved tremendously. Not all women are the same, but my wife prefers "large and in charge".
                                Last edited by Littlejoe; 06-11-2018, 12:38 AM.
                                "What has the Church gained if it is popular, but there is no conviction, no repentance, no power?" - A.W. Tozer

                                "... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen

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