Marriage & Beliefs

[The Remonstrant]

These questions are so hard to answer in the abstract. I was never in this position; my first serious girlfriend has been my wife for, um, a while. Like most Christians, she's not as doctrinally inclined as the people who hang out on this board. It would be difficult to marry someone who strongly holds differences on some things. I'm glad I am married to a Calvinist, but I wouldn't have ruled out a friendly Arminian automatically.

Thanks for your thoughts, RBerman. I suppose there would have to be a kind of a "testing of the waters" as it were, wouldn't there? It just seems to me that a staunch Arminian would ultimately not have been a good choice of a mate for someone who adheres to the Westminster Confession of Faith, however lovely she might be.

[RBerman]

Thanks for your thoughts, RBerman. I suppose there would have to be a kind of a "testing of the waters" as it were, wouldn't there? It just seems to me that a staunch Arminian would ultimately not have been a good choice of a mate for someone who adheres to the Westminster Confession of Faith, however lovely she might be.

If one party were not particularly staunch, it probably would not be a big area of conflict. Even if both were staunch, it might still work. So many other factors play into a successful marriage, and conflict resolution skills are crucial regardless of the particular issue at stake.

[KingsGambit]

While orthodoxy is important, I think orthopraxy is worthy of a mention as well. In fact, I would argue in most cases it would be the first thing one would look for in a potential mate before learning their specific theological stances.

[Catholicity]

While orthodoxy is important, I think orthopraxy is worthy of a mention as well. In fact, I would argue in most cases it would be the first thing one would look for in a potential mate before learning their specific theological stances.

Agreed.

[foudroyant]

With all due respect, I think Foud has a rather "It's all about me" worldview. But I will be happy to be corrected on that.

What I try to obey:
1. Be ravished with love for my wife (Proverbs 5:19).
2. Attempt to love my wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).
3. I am not to hold any kind of bitterness against my wife (Colossians 3:19).
4. I am to have a special honor for my wife in my heart (1 Peter 3:7).

[Cow Poke]

What I try to obey:
1. Be ravished with love for my wife (Proverbs 5:19).
2. Attempt to love my wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).
3. I am not to hold any kind of bitterness against my wife (Colossians 3:19).
4. I am to have a special honor for my wife in my heart (1 Peter 3:7).

I shall abide by the OP's wishes and refrain from....

[foudroyant]

Cool.

[The Remonstrant]

While orthodoxy is important, I think orthopraxy is worthy of a mention as well. In fact, I would argue in most cases it would be the first thing one would look for in a potential mate before learning their specific theological stances.

Yes, I believe I hinted at this in the first sentence of the opening post when I mentioned the importance of one's character:

I recognize a potential spouse's character is of utmost importance and do not seek to minimize this consideration, but where do you personally draw clear doctrinal lines as to what is acceptable or unacceptable to you personally before seeking or choosing a marriage partner? [Emphasis added.]

[KingsGambit]

Yes, I believe I hinted at this in the first sentence of the opening post when I mentioned the importance of one's character:

Indeed. I suspect it can be easy for those of us who are very theologically inclined to be tempted to overlook that sort of thing, as basic as it really is.

My stance, when I was single, was more or less not to minor all that much on the particulars of theology, but it was important that a prospective mate be open to theology/scholarly work/etc. and open to putting this kind of thing into practice. It's surprising how many professing Christians out there will acknowledge what they read in the Bible but simply diverge. I remember being on one first date in the past where the person indicated that she could not date me because as a seminary student, she knew she would be in a pastoral role for homosexuals, and my acknowledgement that homosexual activity is sinful could not be overcome (I still do not understand the logic of this), and another where the person began talking about how "some areas are gray" in theology. In context, I knew she was referring to the exact same issue.

Maybe it's just the way my mind works, I don't know.

[Ana Dragule]

I'd want someone who'd at least be willing to attend church with me, even if she didn't convert to Orthodoxy; I believe worshiping together is quite important, and I see the stress on couples who attend different churches. I'm flexible on anything that hasn't been dogmatically defined by the seven Ecumenical Councils.

Does that mean always attend the same church or often enough willing?

[One Bad Pig]

Does that mean always attend the same church or often enough willing?

Sticking with one would be far preferable.

[Paula]

I think my spouse's adherence to core Christianity would be the ultimate line in the sand for me. That having been said, as far as preference, I would naturally want a spouse that has similar secondary beliefs. This is more for sake of compatibility. While issues can be worked through, there is enough problems in life without adding to them.