I can be a very petty person. There is a part of me that wants to impress people. To be admired. That is not bad, but there is a part of me that wants to show people up. To be the man who when people call me a failure is the guy who passes with flying colors. I was pretty vindictive as a kid. Honestly sometimes I wake up estatic that i dont have super powers because I could do something i would regret. I find it draining sometimes. I often wonder if we could see ourselves the way that God sees us would we be happy knowing God desires that we know and love him? That he loves us? Sometimes that thought is scary. That we are loved can be scary sometimes because love means you are willing to share someones pain. I sometimes wonder if I am a nuisance to the people i love and that makes me want to cry. I do believe C.S Lewis was right when he said to love is to be vulnerable.
I wonder what exactly do you pray for in this situation? Is it wrong to pray for feelings of satisfaction? Some days I am so happy and such it feels crushing a little when it is over. I love reading the bible and going to church but afterwords sometimes i feel drained. I like playing games but sometimes i just feel so awkward its like I am constantly expecting to fail.
I feel better saying this.
I wonder what exactly do you pray for in this situation? Is it wrong to pray for feelings of satisfaction? Some days I am so happy and such it feels crushing a little when it is over. I love reading the bible and going to church but afterwords sometimes i feel drained. I like playing games but sometimes i just feel so awkward its like I am constantly expecting to fail.
I feel better saying this.
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