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Hypothetical chess match, Trump vs. Biden: your predictions?

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  • Hypothetical chess match, Trump vs. Biden: your predictions?

    Obviously this is intended to be a lighthearted topic. Feel free to have some fun with it

    My predictions:
    1) Trump would insist on playing as white. Aggressively. With threats to storm out of the room rather than play as black. And unlike some of my other predictions, I don't mean this in a snarky satirical sense. I mean, I literally believe (and would wager a good sum of money) that if such a chess match were to happen, any suggestion that Trump play with the black pieces would be met with outrage.

    2) I think Biden would acquiesce, play as black, and easily checkmate Trump (assuming Trump didn't first lose by making an illegal move). Trump is too stupid to play chess competently. He is, at least at present, so cognitively challenged that he would struggle to keep track of how the pieces actually move. This isn't to say I think Biden would play particularly well: you could pull any 10 year old off the street, spend 15 minutes to teach them the basic rules of chess, and most of them would be able to beat Trump.

    3) Despite this outcome, in his own mind, and in the minds of his followers, I think Trump would emerge victorious. At rallies, I think he'd boast about getting phone calls from unnamed experts around the world that congratulated him on having played the perfect game and made all the best moves.

    4) Most news sources would headline the story succinctly: "Checkmate. Biden Defeats Trump". In conservative circles, this approach to reporting would be called out as "Fake News". It would be another example of Mainstream Media showing its liberal bias by placing the emphasis of their reporting on the aspects of the story that make Trump look bad.

    5) "Unbiased" news outlets, like Fox and OAN, would emphasize the more newsworthy aspects of the story with such headlines as:
    * Trump Outmaneuvers Biden: Makes First Move.
    * Before Game Even Starts, Biden Cowers to Trump's Demands
    * Biden Resorts to Deception, Uses Nasty Trick
    * BIDEN CHEATED: Viewer Poll Results Overwhelmingly Agree
    * Trump Defies Liberal Rules, Moves Rook Diagonally
    * Did Soros Fund An Effort to Change Chess Rules?

  • #2
    Biden won't be in the debate is my prediction. If he is, the world we know that the left propped up a feeble old man with dementia and it will be yet another black eye to our country.

    Comment


    • #3
      "(Trump is not playing) the sort of three-dimensional chess people ascribe to decisions like this. More often than not he's just eating the pieces." - Anonymous former White House official, who was asked to explain some of Trump's bizarre decisions

      In a chess game between Trump and Biden, I'm confident that Trump would accompany each of his moves with a memorable Trumpism, such as:

      "My Mister Horsey is going to attack your guy with the pointy head."
      "My favorite color in the alphabet is three." - Donald J. Trump
      "The 'J' in my middle name stands for 'Jenius'" - Donald J. Trump

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Bald Ape View Post
        Obviously this is intended to be a lighthearted topic. Feel free to have some fun with it

        My predictions:
        1) Trump would insist on playing as white. Aggressively. With threats to storm out of the room rather than play as black. And unlike some of my other predictions, I don't mean this in a snarky satirical sense. I mean, I literally believe (and would wager a good sum of money) that if such a chess match were to happen, any suggestion that Trump play with the black pieces would be met with outrage.

        2) I think Biden would acquiesce, play as black, and easily checkmate Trump (assuming Trump didn't first lose by making an illegal move). Trump is too stupid to play chess competently. He is, at least at present, so cognitively challenged that he would struggle to keep track of how the pieces actually move. This isn't to say I think Biden would play particularly well: you could pull any 10 year old off the street, spend 15 minutes to teach them the basic rules of chess, and most of them would be able to beat Trump.

        3) Despite this outcome, in his own mind, and in the minds of his followers, I think Trump would emerge victorious. At rallies, I think he'd boast about getting phone calls from unnamed experts around the world that congratulated him on having played the perfect game and made all the best moves.

        4) Most news sources would headline the story succinctly: "Checkmate. Biden Defeats Trump". In conservative circles, this approach to reporting would be called out as "Fake News". It would be another example of Mainstream Media showing its liberal bias by placing the emphasis of their reporting on the aspects of the story that make Trump look bad.

        5) "Unbiased" news outlets, like Fox and OAN, would emphasize the more newsworthy aspects of the story with such headlines as:
        * Trump Outmaneuvers Biden: Makes First Move.
        * Before Game Even Starts, Biden Cowers to Trump's Demands
        * Biden Resorts to Deception, Uses Nasty Trick
        * BIDEN CHEATED: Viewer Poll Results Overwhelmingly Agree
        * Trump Defies Liberal Rules, Moves Rook Diagonally
        * Did Soros Fund An Effort to Change Chess Rules?
        Trump would lose the match in two moves, claim the game was rigged and suggest Biden be locked up.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by JimL View Post
          Trump would lose the match in two moves, claim the game was rigged and suggest Biden be locked up.
          That's actually not as nutty or far reached as a lot of things you say.
          The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Bald Ape View Post
            Obviously this is intended to be a lighthearted topic. Feel free to have some fun with it

            My predictions:
            1) Trump would insist on playing as white. Aggressively. With threats to storm out of the room rather than play as black. And unlike some of my other predictions, I don't mean this in a snarky satirical sense. I mean, I literally believe (and would wager a good sum of money) that if such a chess match were to happen, any suggestion that Trump play with the black pieces would be met with outrage.

            2) I think Biden would acquiesce, play as black, and easily checkmate Trump (assuming Trump didn't first lose by making an illegal move). Trump is too stupid to play chess competently. He is, at least at present, so cognitively challenged that he would struggle to keep track of how the pieces actually move. This isn't to say I think Biden would play particularly well: you could pull any 10 year old off the street, spend 15 minutes to teach them the basic rules of chess, and most of them would be able to beat Trump.

            3) Despite this outcome, in his own mind, and in the minds of his followers, I think Trump would emerge victorious. At rallies, I think he'd boast about getting phone calls from unnamed experts around the world that congratulated him on having played the perfect game and made all the best moves.

            4) Most news sources would headline the story succinctly: "Checkmate. Biden Defeats Trump". In conservative circles, this approach to reporting would be called out as "Fake News". It would be another example of Mainstream Media showing its liberal bias by placing the emphasis of their reporting on the aspects of the story that make Trump look bad.

            5) "Unbiased" news outlets, like Fox and OAN, would emphasize the more newsworthy aspects of the story with such headlines as:
            * Trump Outmaneuvers Biden: Makes First Move.
            * Before Game Even Starts, Biden Cowers to Trump's Demands
            * Biden Resorts to Deception, Uses Nasty Trick
            * BIDEN CHEATED: Viewer Poll Results Overwhelmingly Agree
            * Trump Defies Liberal Rules, Moves Rook Diagonally
            * Did Soros Fund An Effort to Change Chess Rules?
            Trump would call the game "Chest", and he would not have read any books on the openings and as such would likely lose in the standard 4 move checkmate taught to the earliest players.

            That is, unless he did not first employ the secret service to set up a covert system to communicate to him the responses of deep blue to each of Biden's moves.
            My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. James 2:1

            If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not  bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless James 1:26

            This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; James 1:19

            Comment


            • #7
              Biden would move his pawn to the other side and say "king me"

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Sparko View Post
                Biden would move his pawn to the other side and say "king me"
                After somebody woke him up and told him it was his turn.
                The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Biden would insist on playing as Black out of solidarity with the Black community. Trump would only move the queen, because he is from Queens and because it is the most powerful piece.
                  "I am not angered that the Moral Majority boys campaign against abortion. I am angry when the same men who say, "Save OUR children" bellow "Build more and bigger bombers." That's right! Blast the children in other nations into eternity, or limbless misery as they lay crippled from "OUR" bombers! This does not jell." - Leonard Ravenhill

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    At the start of the match Trump remarks that his queen is "yuuge" and proceeds to boast that his king is the _____est[1] ever. Meanwhile Biden becomes mesmerized by his queen, stroking and sniffing it incessantly while mistaking it for the bishop and forgetting where he is.

                    The match is called due a here to now unfathomable admixture of apathy and annoyance.






                    1. fill in the blank if you hadn't figured it out.

                    I'm always still in trouble again

                    "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                    "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                    "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Trump moves first, pawn to E3, declares himself the winner, Joe, wakes up from his nap, looks at his pieces and declares they are not black enough for him, sweeps them off the board, Trump says to the press they are fake news if they don't declare him the winner, Joe nods off again and begins to drool.
                      "What has the Church gained if it is popular, but there is no conviction, no repentance, no power?" - A.W. Tozer

                      "... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rogue06 View Post
                        Meanwhile Biden becomes mesmerized by his queen, stroking and sniffing it incessantly while mistaking it for the bishop and forgetting where he is.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Trump makes the first move declares himself the winner of all chess matches, walks away naked as his followers make admiring remarks about his beautiful and finest clothes in the world.
                          Glendower: I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
                          Hotspur: Why, so can I, or so can any man;
                          But will they come when you do call for them? Shakespeare’s Henry IV, Part 1, Act III:

                          go with the flow the river knows . . .

                          Frank

                          I do not know, therefore everything is in pencil.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Trump would announce loudly that he'd been trained by the greatest chess grand masters in the world, they're all absolutely terrific, simply the best. After a long and drawn-out game, during which Biden constantly forgets what's happening and Trump changes his strategy every 3 moves, Biden would accidentally win, then go back to sniffing the First Lady's hair. Then Trump would claim that he won. After being challenged by the press about whether he really won, Trump would claim the game ended in a draw, before declaring the match invalid based on some arcane interpretation of the rules.
                            "If you believe, take the first step, it leads to Jesus Christ. If you don't believe, take the first step all the same, for you are bidden to take it. No one wants to know about your faith or unbelief, your orders are to perform the act of obedience on the spot. Then you will find yourself in the situation where faith becomes possible and where faith exists in the true sense of the word." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Neither would win. Hillary set up a "suicide" bomb under the table and when it blows up, she comes in, after scrubbing the evidence, and declares herself the winner and that both Trump and Biden committed seppuku.
                              That's what
                              - She

                              Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals
                              - Manya the Holy Szin (The Quintara Marathon)

                              I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common
                              - Stephen R. Donaldson

                              Comment

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