June 25th 2004, 02:47 PM #1
You Might Be A Southern Baptist If...
YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST IF...
- You think John the Baptist started the SBC.
- You think God's presence is strongest on the back three pews.
- You think "Amazing Grace" is the national anthem.
- You judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.
- Your definition of fellowship has something to do with food.
- You ever wondered when Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong would get paid off.
- You honestly believe that the Apostle Paul spoke King James English.
- You think worship music has to be loud.
- You think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers.
- You judge the quality of a service by its length.
- You ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken and interpret that feeling as a call to preach.
- You believe that you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven.
- You have never sung the third verse of any hymn.
- You have ever put an IOU in the offering plate.
- You think someone who says "Amen" while the preacher is preaching might be a Charismatic.
- You complain that the pastor only works one day and then he works too long.
- You clapped in church and felt guilty about it all week.
- You are old enough to get a senior discount at the pharmacy, but not old enough to promote to the Senior Adult Sunday School; you think the only promotion after that is the cemetery.
- You are upset that Joshua brought down the wall of Jericho and think that the deacons should recommend that the church pay for it to prevent a general ruckus.
- You are upset that the last hymn in the new hymnal is numbered "666."
- You shudder with fear at the sight of a homosexual.
- You happen to know that Lottie Moon is not a member of the Unification Church.
- You wonder when they are ever going to get that Cooperative Program thing paid for.
June 26th 2004, 03:18 PM #2
June 26th 2004, 03:27 PM #3
Re: You Might Be A Southern Baptist If...
My fav is still:
Your Committee on how to rule Committees is fighting again...
By Da Lone-Warrior in forum Ecclesiology 201Replies: 5Last Post: May 31st 2006, 04:28 PM
By Amazing Rando in forum Comparative Religions 101Replies: 37Last Post: November 29th 2005, 04:34 PM
By Calvinist4Him in forum Theology 201Replies: 16Last Post: April 4th 2005, 01:40 AM