Submit Your Candidates for March Screwballs of the Month

[jpholding]

Same rules, except they must be from March 1-31.

[Xerxes]

From this thread: http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...5&page=1&pp=16

In response to the verse,

John 17:3

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent."

Jayrok replies,

Satan knows both God and Jesus Christ.. is he saved?

[jpholding]

JAYROK said that???

I need to talk to that boy....

[Cynic Sage]

This is one from a brother from the unorthodox theology forum.

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48283

Don't forget about the atheistic Jews in Israel. Jesus came to them and by golly, they missed it, although scripture is plain as day He was not only going to come them, but rain down WRATH on them after He came

Atheistic Jews in 1st century AD.

[Cynic Sage]

I have deleted this post because the subjetcwould be too controversial.

[Slayer-2004]

how about posts made by muslims ?

Yank no disrespect, but the Quran has nevr been contradicted and never will!!
So even if someone doesn't believe in the Quran, it is still a fact and a book of science.

Peace Out.

http://gawaher.com/forum/Homosexuality-t7160.html

[jpholding]

Why not? Nadir Ahmed would have made the list a dozen times if I'd been doing this last year.

[Failsafe]

"http://www.community.thebeastmovie.com/"

Take your pick from here man. Almost everyone on this forum is a Christ myther and are looking foward to a movie that will promote the Christ myth (among idiots).

[Anthem]

http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com...dpost&p=527574

"or the gospels were quoting from clement, more likely, since they were written in 381 c.e."

that had me rolling.

[Cynic Sage]

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=50136

Our Good Friend^TM Steven Carr-doesn't-do-his-homeWork:

Psalm 89
8 O LORD God Almighty, who is like you?
You are mighty, O LORD , and your faithfulness surrounds you.
9 You rule over the surging sea;
when its waves mount up, you still them.

Is this true?

Does God still the mounting waves of a surging sea?

Poetry dude, poetry, not a science lesson.

I always wondered about the claim that God was mighty.

It seems it is just poetic licence.....

God doesn't rule over the sea. That is just poetry.

Nic-sounding words, though.

WOW....like that was soooo cool. A couple of lines from a Psalm, a question, and *poof* a conclusion drawn out of thin air that God doesn't "rule over" the sea.

neat trick

Do another one, pleeeezzzz....

firstsunday continues his hilarious 'Contradict his previous post' game, dragging the reputation of Christians for logical thought into the gutter.

When asked if the lines were true, he says they are poetry.

When asked if they are false, he says they are true.

Does God still the waves, yes or no?

[Sheepdog]

alright, about time i to get around and do a couple of submissions.

In the KJV of 2 Thess. a colon is placed immediately behind the beginning of Paul's statement of exactly what "the lie" or "delusion" consists of.

You may also be quite startled to see that you and most believe that delusion.

11And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
12 That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

You see, you believe the lie.

As is the practice with self righteousness, the very statement of what "the lie is" will be projected upon "others."

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...12&postcount=2

There is enough in this one post for 4 submissions. First, smaller focuses in on what the KJV says, as if that translation alone settles the issue. Second, he makes a point about where the colon is in the KJV, which is mindboggling when one considers that the Greek has no punctuation. Third, smaller manages to insult myself and all Christians with a blanket statement about us believing the lie commented on in 2Th. 2. And fourth, absolutely nothing smaller says here has any relevance to the thread topic at all.

Have you ever seen someone work so hard to look so goofy?

"That" indicates the lie in either case Dee Dee. The transcriber of the KJV points it out further perhaps not in the way they expected to either.

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...31&postcount=5

Apparently the translators of the KJV are inspired, and they didn't even know it!!!

In each person there is a Child/offspring of God that is being fashioned, a vessel of honor. And in each there is a vessel of destruction. One being judged and eventually destroyed. God deals with each of these positions in entirely different ways in "each person." He carefully crafts each one.

He could look at Peter and speak to satan in Peter. There was satan. There was Peter.

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...05&postcount=9

every person is really made of two people, one good, the other evil. seriously, Holding, i don't think either of us could make up something this goofy. i know you're pretty creative too.

Let's not typecast the term. You should know by now many Uninversalists believe in every eternal damnation scripture and do not mitigate them. They are meant for the devil and his messengers who also happen to occupy the flesh of all mankind (save one of course.)

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...8&postcount=18

hmm.... doesn't sound very universalistic, to me.

You'd have to be a genuine Pollyanna to overlook the certifiable "fact" that God uses lies, sends lies, and causes lies sheep. It is no surprise that some get so blinded by their own doctrines they can't deal with the facts.

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...8&postcount=30

uhhh... what the heck is a pollyanna?

There is always a twofold meaning to most scriptures. This is one reason Paul called The Word a "two edged" sword. One edge is written against satan and his messengers, one side is written "for" God's children whom ALL OF MANKIND are. If any man believes the lie they will spout the lie, that "ALL" who were bad will perish. This is not true. The "cause" will perish. The CAPTIVE WILL NOT perish.

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...8&postcount=27

I don't know why, but i keep imagining a pre-apostacy Farrell Till. but anyways, i can't begin to parse how badly smaller has maligned the "two edge sword" metaphore in Hewbrews 4:12. this individual is worse at handling the scripture texts than some of the usual suspects.

[jpholding]

uhhh... what the heck is a pollyanna?

It's from before your time, I'm afraid...it means, "A person regarded as being foolishly or blindly optimistic" and it comes from the heroine of a novel.

[Sheepdog]

ok. thanks

[Cynic Sage]

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...t=50030&page=1

Jimbo returns from Ireland with a brand-spanking new polemical tool.

And if you think serious christians are so bad in power (How many did Calvin execute ? 1 ?) look at what atheists in power have done. Mao killed 10's of millions as did Stalin. Both of whom where fanatical atheists like yourself. If history is anything to go by it is atheists in power who think they know best that are the most dangerous not serious Christians.

Neither of these mass murderers believed in little green leprachauns. I am assuming that you don't believe in little green leprachauns either. So you, Jason, and Stalin and Mao are all fanatical alittlegreenleprachaunists! If history is anything to go by, alittlegreenleprachaunists like yourself are mass murdering fanatics when they get into power!!!! (sarcasm)

Jimbo

The whole "pink unicorn" thing was getting kind of boring, it's nice to see something new once in a while.

[Cynic Sage]

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sho...3&page=1&pp=16

FormerFundy, on why Xtians shouldn't laugh at religious satire.

I'm going to see Jon Stewart do stand-up in Chicago in a week. I stinkin' excited. Wooooooooo!

You know that he makes fun of your God and your Christianity on a regular basis on his show don't you? He is no friend of Christianity.

I'm sorry you have no sense of humor.

I have a great sense of humor and I enjoy it immensely but that is because I agree with Jon Stewart. Belief in God is silly. If I were a believer in God, I would be offended.

Well we're going to have to disagree. I love him

Apparently you love him more than your god, which is fine with me but somewhat problematic for you

" Darnit, no fair, the jokes are about YOU PEOPLE, you're suppossed to cry and whine like we do when jokes are made about us."