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Thread: Jokes

  1. #381
    Evolution is God's ID rogue06's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Melody Maker View Post
    Someone ought to put his picture on a beverage mug and call it a "Franken stein".
    From the 2016 election




    And if Franken had teamed up with Jill Stein for 2020...


    I'm always still in trouble again

    "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" -- starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)

  2. #382
    Thanks Old Man... Bill the Cat's Avatar
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    This couple goes to Russia to tour the Kremlin...

    As they near a Russian Guard, it begins to precipitate, and in typical couple fashion, a disagreement breaks out.
    The husband says it is raining and the wife says it is sleeting. So they agree to ask the guard, whose name is Rudolph.
    The guard declares that it is just rain. The husband looks at the wife and says...





    Rudolph the Red Knows rain, dear....






    Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals --- Manya the Holy Szin --- The Quintara Marathon ---

    I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common --- Stephen R. Donaldson ---

  3. Amen The Melody Maker, Magenta amen'd this post.
  4. #383
    Oops....... mossrose's Avatar
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    Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes a large portion of noodles into his bowl, and tops it with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with the consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.

    Meanwhile, Luke is using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping food all over.

    Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says,

    "Use the forks, Luke."


    Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

  5. Amen The Melody Maker, Jedidiah, Magenta amen'd this post.
  6. #384
    Professor KingsGambit's Avatar
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    A teacher fell asleep in class. One of her students came up and asked her if she was sleeping.

    "No, I was talking to God" she said.

    The next day, the student fell asleep in class. The teacher walked up and woke him up.

    "Are you sleeping?" she asked.

    "No, I was talking to God."

    "And what did God tell you?"

    "That he didn't talk to you yesterday."
    For what was given to everyone for the use of all, you have taken for your exclusive use. The earth belongs not to the rich, but to everyone. - Ambrose, 4th century AD

    All cruelty springs from weakness. - Seneca the Younger

  7. #385
    tWebber Magenta's Avatar
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    What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
    One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

    People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones.
    But people in Abu Dhabi do!

  8. Amen The Melody Maker, KingsGambit amen'd this post.
  9. #386
    Professor KingsGambit's Avatar
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    Facebook is hiring. There's no need to provide a resume - they already have all your information.
    For what was given to everyone for the use of all, you have taken for your exclusive use. The earth belongs not to the rich, but to everyone. - Ambrose, 4th century AD

    All cruelty springs from weakness. - Seneca the Younger

  10. Amen Littlejoe amen'd this post.

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