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In the Rec Room we share jokes, interesting stories, and speculate about trout's manties. Serve up some Spam in many different flavors and sizes, and just take some time off from study and have fun.

If you need to refresh yourself on the decorm, now would be a good time. Forum Rules: here
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  • Originally posted by DesertBerean View Post
    I didn't get that one.
    He left off the rest of the joke...
    If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

    Comment


    • Apparently. ..
      Watch your links! http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/fa...corumetiquette

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Christianbookworm View Post
        He left off the rest of the joke...
        You're a Congressman and work for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

        "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

        "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, spent HUGE amounts of money at tax payer expense with no concern, and you don't know a thing about cows ... this is a herd of sheep.

        Now give me back my dog.

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        • Originally posted by DesertBerean View Post
          I didn't get that one.
          Sorry about that. I seem to have left off a whole bunch of it. Have to see if I can find it again.

          Try this one:

          A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote, mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a cloud of dust towards him.

          The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

          Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

          The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Singular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

          The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

          Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

          Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

          "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

          He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amusedly as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

          Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

          The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

          "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government," says Bud.

          "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

          "No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here, even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. Then you tried to show me how much smarter you are than me. And you don't know a darn thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

          "Now give me back my dog."
          Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

          Comment


          • An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer’s clinic. “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.”
            Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
            So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
            This is what transpired.
            Dr Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please help me??
            Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
            Dr Young: Aaagh !! “This is Gasoline!”
            Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
            Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
            Dr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
            Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
            Dr Young: “Oh no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”
            Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
            Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
            Dr Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see !!!!
            Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so — “Here’s your $1000 back.”
            Dr Young: “But this is only $500…”
            Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
            Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer ” !!!!
            "What has the Church gained if it is popular, but there is no conviction, no repentance, no power?" - A.W. Tozer

            "... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen

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            • I once realized I was dating a Communist.

              I guess I should have seen the red flags earlier.
              "I am not angered that the Moral Majority boys campaign against abortion. I am angry when the same men who say, "Save OUR children" bellow "Build more and bigger bombers." That's right! Blast the children in other nations into eternity, or limbless misery as they lay crippled from "OUR" bombers! This does not jell." - Leonard Ravenhill

              Comment


              • Originally posted by KingsGambit View Post
                I once realized I was dating a Communist.

                I guess I should have seen the red flags earlier.
                200.gif

                I'm always still in trouble again

                "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                Comment


                • What does one call a retired soldier driving a fancy car?

                  A Corps vet in a Corvette.
                  ~ Russell ("MelMak")

                  "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

                  Fight spam!

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by The Melody Maker View Post
                    What does one call a retired soldier marine driving a fancy car?

                    A Corps vet in a Corvette.
                    FIFY n/c


                    I feel like I'm channeling a certain singular naughty swine today

                    I'm always still in trouble again

                    "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                    "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                    "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                    Comment


                    • My friend gave me his EpiPen when he was dying. It must have been very important to him that somebody take good care of it for him.
                      "I am not angered that the Moral Majority boys campaign against abortion. I am angry when the same men who say, "Save OUR children" bellow "Build more and bigger bombers." That's right! Blast the children in other nations into eternity, or limbless misery as they lay crippled from "OUR" bombers! This does not jell." - Leonard Ravenhill

                      Comment


                      • A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the empire state building.
                        "Don't jump" he says, "you have too much potential."
                        Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

                        Comment


                        • Then there was the fellow who was surprised upon looking at a calendar opened up to the fifth month, exclaiming "May tricks!" (Matrix.)

                          Made that up myself a couple of days ago.
                          ~ Russell ("MelMak")

                          "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

                          Fight spam!

                          Comment


                          • Alright, so one of the perks of being an archivist is finding old jokes now and then. Here's the gist of one I found in a letter from the 1920s:

                            An illiterate man wanted to enter the ministry. He went to the minister of his church to be examined. He said he couldn't read but he loved the Bible - especially the New Testament, especially the Gospel of Mark, and especially the parables. In fact, his favorite part of the Bible was the Parable of the Good Samaritan. So, to examine him, his minister asked him to tell that favored parable. And here's what the man said:

                            "Once upon a time, a man was going from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he fell among thorns. The thorns grew up and choked him, and he went on and didn't have any money. And he met the Queen of Sheba, and she gave him one thousand talents of gold and one hundred changes of raiment. And he got in a chariot and drove furiously. And when he was driving under a big juniper tree, his hair got caught in a limb of the tree and hung there, and he hung there many days, and the ravens brought him food to eat and water to drink, and he ate five thousand loaves and two small fishes. And one night, while he was hanging there, asleep, his wife Delilah came along and cut off his hair, and he dropped. And he fell on the stony ground. But he got up and went on, and it began to rain, and it rained forty days and forty nights, and he hid himself in a cave, and he lived on locusts and wild honey. Then he went on until he met a servant who said, 'Come, take supper at my house.' And he made an excuse and said, 'No, I won't, I married a wife and can't go.' And the servant went out in the highways and the hedges and compelled him to come in. And after supper, he went on and came to Jericho. And when he got there, he looked up and saw Queen Jezebel sitting down, way up high in a window, and she laughed at him. And he said, 'Throw her down out of there,' and they threw her down. And he said, 'Throw her down out of there again,' and they threw her down again. And he said, 'Throw her down some more,' and they threw her down seventy times seven. And of the fragments, they picked up twelve baskets full, and they said, 'Blessed are the piece-makers.' Now whose wife do you think she'll be in the judgment?"
                            "The Jesus Christ who saves sinners is the same Christ who beckons his followers to serious use of their minds for serious explorations of the world." - Mark Noll

                            "It cannot be that the people should grow in grace unless they give themselves to reading." - John Wesley

                            "Wherever men are still theological, there is still some chance of their being logical." - G. K. Chesterton

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                            • boulder.png
                              Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Jedidiah View Post
                                [ATTACH=CONFIG]24352[/ATTACH]
                                I'm gonna pretend that I didn't get it and go on with my day.





                                PS: Keep up the good work

                                I'm always still in trouble again

                                "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                                "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                                "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                                Comment

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