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In the Rec Room we share jokes, interesting stories, and speculate about trout's manties. Serve up some Spam in many different flavors and sizes, and just take some time off from study and have fun.

If you need to refresh yourself on the decorm, now would be a good time. Forum Rules: here
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  • The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
    The auditor said, “Well, sir, you havean extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” saysGrandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
    The auditor thinks for a moment andsaid, “Okay. Go ahead.” Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that Ican bite my own eye.”
    The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.” Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
    The auditors jaw drops.
    Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
    Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes thebet.
    Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
    “Want to go double or nothing?”Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get adrop anywhere in between.”
    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
    “Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
    “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d behappy about it!”
    "What has the Church gained if it is popular, but there is no conviction, no repentance, no power?" - A.W. Tozer

    "... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen

    Comment


    • A Police Officer radio's into Headquarters.

      Officer: "Sarge, we have a situation"

      Sarge: "Yes, go ahead."

      Officer: "A woman has apparently shot her husband for walking across the floor she had just mopped"

      Sarge: "Ok, have you placed her under arrest and secured the scene?"

      Officer: "No sir....you see, the floor is still wet"
      "What has the Church gained if it is popular, but there is no conviction, no repentance, no power?" - A.W. Tozer

      "... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Chrawnus View Post
        Q: How many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?

        A: None. Once a Finn has noticed that a light bulb is made of glass and has the shape of a bottle, he'll try to open it.



        Q: No, seriously, how many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?

        A: Five. One to hold the bulb and four to drink enough vodka for the room to start spinning.
        This is funny.
        I DENOUNCE DONALD J. TRUMP AND ALL HIS IMMORAL ACTS.

        Comment


        • *OBAMA RATED 5th BEST PRESIDENT IN OUR HISTORY*

          Texas A&M Study Calls Obama 5th Best President in America.
          From a total of 44 US Presidents, Obama is rated as the fifth best.
          The A&M's Public Relations Office released this statement:
          After almost six years in office, Americans have rated President
          Obama the fifth best President ever.
          These are the details according to Texas A&M:
          *1. Ronald Reagan & Abraham Lincoln tied for first*
          *2. Twenty three presidents tied for second*
          *3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third*
          *4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth, and*
          *5. Obama came in fifth*
          Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

          Comment


          • What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

            I blame my shelf.
            That's what
            - She

            Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals
            - Manya the Holy Szin (The Quintara Marathon)

            I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common
            - Stephen R. Donaldson

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Jedidiah View Post
              *OBAMA RATED 5th BEST PRESIDENT IN OUR HISTORY*

              Texas A&M Study Calls Obama 5th Best President in America.
              From a total of 44 US Presidents, Obama is rated as the fifth best.
              The A&M's Public Relations Office released this statement:
              After almost six years in office, Americans have rated President
              Obama the fifth best President ever.
              These are the details according to Texas A&M:
              *1. Ronald Reagan & Abraham Lincoln tied for first*
              *2. Twenty three presidents tied for second*
              *3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third*
              *4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth, and*
              *5. Obama came in fifth*
              "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

              "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

              My Personal Blog

              My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

              Quill Sword

              Comment


              • A fellow goes into his local veterinarian and says “Dr. — I've got a world famous champion horse, but I can't get the birds to stop nesting in his mane — what should I do?”

                The veterinarian says, “Very simple — pick up a box of yeast on your way home, sprinkle it in your horses mane, and the birds will go away.”

                The horse owner does as he's told, buys a box of yeast on the way home, sprinkles it in his horse's mane, and instantly all the birds fly away never to return!

                The horse owner is ecstatic, rushes back to the veterinarian, and says, “It's a miracle Dr. — your recommendation worked after every other treatment I could think of had failed but tell me, what is the rationale for this strange treatment?”

                The veterinarian says, “Very simple — yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.”
                Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

                Comment


                • What is the difference between a green apple and a red apple?

                  They are both red except for the green one.
                  Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

                  Comment


                  • A Rangers fan, a Yankees fan and a Red Sox fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Red Sox fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for the SOX!", he yells and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Rangers fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for TEXAS!" and pushes the Yankee fan off the mountain.
                    "What has the Church gained if it is popular, but there is no conviction, no repentance, no power?" - A.W. Tozer

                    "... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen

                    Comment


                    • 0000000000jk.jpg

                      I'm always still in trouble again

                      "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                      "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                      "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                      Comment


                      • There's a band called 1023MB.


                        They haven't had any gigs yet.

                        I'm always still in trouble again

                        "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                        "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                        "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by rogue06 View Post
                          There's a band called 1023MB.


                          They haven't had any gigs yet.
                          :giggle:
                          The greater number of laws . . . , the more thieves . . . there will be. ---- Lao-Tzu

                          [T]he truth I’m after and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance -— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

                          Comment


                          • When the man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died, the undertakers had trouble keeping the body in the casket.

                            They'd put the right leg in and..........well, you know the rest.


                            Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

                            Comment


                            • 0000000000jk.jpg

                              I'm always still in trouble again

                              "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
                              "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
                              "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

                              Comment


                              • veeb.jpg
                                That's what
                                - She

                                Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals
                                - Manya the Holy Szin (The Quintara Marathon)

                                I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common
                                - Stephen R. Donaldson

                                Comment

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