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Thread: Jokes

  1. #371
    Theologyweb's Official Grandfather Jedidiah's Avatar
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    A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the empire state building.
    "Don't jump" he says, "you have too much potential."
    Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

  2. Amen KingsGambit, The Melody Maker amen'd this post.
  3. #372
    Professor The Melody Maker's Avatar
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    Then there was the fellow who was surprised upon looking at a calendar opened up to the fifth month, exclaiming "May tricks!" (Matrix.)

    Made that up myself a couple of days ago.
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

    Fight_spam!

  4. #373
    tWebber JB DoulosChristou's Avatar
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    Alright, so one of the perks of being an archivist is finding old jokes now and then. Here's the gist of one I found in a letter from the 1920s:

    An illiterate man wanted to enter the ministry. He went to the minister of his church to be examined. He said he couldn't read but he loved the Bible - especially the New Testament, especially the Gospel of Mark, and especially the parables. In fact, his favorite part of the Bible was the Parable of the Good Samaritan. So, to examine him, his minister asked him to tell that favored parable. And here's what the man said:

    "Once upon a time, a man was going from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he fell among thorns. The thorns grew up and choked him, and he went on and didn't have any money. And he met the Queen of Sheba, and she gave him one thousand talents of gold and one hundred changes of raiment. And he got in a chariot and drove furiously. And when he was driving under a big juniper tree, his hair got caught in a limb of the tree and hung there, and he hung there many days, and the ravens brought him food to eat and water to drink, and he ate five thousand loaves and two small fishes. And one night, while he was hanging there, asleep, his wife Delilah came along and cut off his hair, and he dropped. And he fell on the stony ground. But he got up and went on, and it began to rain, and it rained forty days and forty nights, and he hid himself in a cave, and he lived on locusts and wild honey. Then he went on until he met a servant who said, 'Come, take supper at my house.' And he made an excuse and said, 'No, I won't, I married a wife and can't go.' And the servant went out in the highways and the hedges and compelled him to come in. And after supper, he went on and came to Jericho. And when he got there, he looked up and saw Queen Jezebel sitting down, way up high in a window, and she laughed at him. And he said, 'Throw her down out of there,' and they threw her down. And he said, 'Throw her down out of there again,' and they threw her down again. And he said, 'Throw her down some more,' and they threw her down seventy times seven. And of the fragments, they picked up twelve baskets full, and they said, 'Blessed are the piece-makers.' Now whose wife do you think she'll be in the judgment?"
    "The Jesus Christ who saves sinners is the same Christ who beckons his followers to serious use of their minds for serious explorations of the world." - Mark Noll

    "It cannot be that the people should grow in grace unless they give themselves to reading." - John Wesley

    "Wherever men are still theological, there is still some chance of their being logical." - G. K. Chesterton

  5. Amen Jedidiah, Sparko amen'd this post.
  6. #374
    Theologyweb's Official Grandfather Jedidiah's Avatar
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    Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

  7. Amen The Melody Maker, Zymologist amen'd this post.
  8. #375
    Evolution is God's ID rogue06's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jedidiah View Post
    I'm gonna pretend that I didn't get it and go on with my day.





    PS: Keep up the good work

    I'm always still in trouble again

  9. Amen Jedidiah amen'd this post.
  10. #376
    Professor KingsGambit's Avatar
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    Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween.

    I guess they don't like strangers ringing their doorbell.
    I want something good to die for to make it beautiful to live.

  11. Amen Darth Executor amen'd this post.
  12. #377
    Professor KingsGambit's Avatar
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    An elderly termite walks into a bar and asks, "Where is the bar tender?"
    I want something good to die for to make it beautiful to live.

  13. Amen Jedidiah, LostSheep amen'd this post.

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