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In the Rec Room we share jokes, interesting stories, and speculate about trout's manties. Serve up some Spam in many different flavors and sizes, and just take some time off from study and have fun.

If you need to refresh yourself on the decorm, now would be a good time. Forum Rules: here
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  • Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
    I DENOUNCE DONALD J. TRUMP AND ALL HIS IMMORAL ACTS.

    Comment


    • They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.

      I'm always still in trouble again

      "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
      "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
      "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

      Comment


      • Day 17

        I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.
        -- Pavlov’s DogXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

        I'm always still in trouble again

        "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
        "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
        "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

        Comment


        • A man goes into a dog pound looking for a guard dog.

          The pound watchman takes him back into the area with the dogs.

          They come across a Rottweiler chewing on a board.

          "Wow! That looks like a tough dog" the man says

          The watchman says, "that's nothing, follow me"

          They come across a pit bull chewing on a metal bar

          The man says "WOW!! Now THAT is what I am talking about!"

          The watchman says "he's not the one you need. Follow me."

          They come to the last cage in the building where a Chihuahua lays while licking his private parts.

          The man says "WHAT??? Are you kidding me? A Chihuahua???"

          The watchman said "We had a break-in earlier, and Pedro there is getting the taste out of his mouth"
          That's what
          - She

          Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals
          - Manya the Holy Szin (The Quintara Marathon)

          I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common
          - Stephen R. Donaldson

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          • I play the bagpipes and get various gigs for doing so.
            Once I was asked by a friend of mine who is a funeral director to play at a small service in the back country of Kentucky for a homeless man.
            I had the time and agreed but being unfamiliar with the area I was soon lost and several minutes late arriving to the grave
            site. When I rounded one particularly long curve, I discovered that I was indeed late. That everyone had left except for the
            workers and they were taking lunch beside their backhoe. I got out my pipes anyway and approached the open grave. The vault cover
            was already in place. I played a touching and mournful version of Amazing Grace. I played my heart out for this homeless man
            with no friends or family. The workers gathered around me hats in hand. They cried. I cried. I finished and silently walked away
            with my heart swelling to the point of bursting. As I put my pipes back in my car, I heard one of the workers say, "Never seen
            nothing like that and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

            Note: Full disclosure. I do not play bagpipes. This joke was read aloud by Ravi Z. in first person so I followed suit.
            Last edited by Jude; 03-15-2015, 07:30 AM.

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            • 0000000000jk.jpg
              Click on the image and then click on the resulting image to embiggen it

              I'm always still in trouble again

              "You're by far the worst poster on TWeb" and "TWeb's biggest liar" --starlight (the guy who says Stalin was a right-winger)
              "Overall I would rate the withdrawal from Afghanistan as by far the best thing Biden's done" --Starlight
              "Of course, human life begins at fertilization that’s not the argument." --Tassman

              Comment


              • That should be in the Canadian thread, as Colin Mochrie is a Canuck.


                Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

                Comment


                • A little girl walks up to a punk rocker.

                  "Why is your hair so green?", she asks him.

                  The man sneezes, wipes the snot off his nose with his hand and then proceeds to nonchalantly run aforementioned hand through his own hair.

                  "I've got no idea."

                  Comment


                  • How can you tell the difference between a Finnish introvert and a Finnish extrovert?
                    When he's talking to you a Finnish introvert looks at his feet.
                    A Finnish extrovert looks at yours.

                    Comment


                    • How come the Arabs got oil and Finns got potatoes?
                      You can't make booze from oil.

                      Comment


                      • +15°C / 59°F
                        This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
                        People in Spain wears winter-coats and gloves.
                        The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.
                        +10°C / 50°F
                        The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
                        The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.
                        +5°C / 41°F
                        Italian cars won't start.
                        The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.
                        0°C / 32°F
                        Distilled water freezes.
                        The water in the Vanda river (in Finland) gets a little thicker.
                        -5°C / 23°F
                        People in California freeze to death.
                        The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.
                        -10°C / 14°F
                        The Brits start the heat in their houses.
                        The Finns start using long sleeves.
                        -20°C / -4°F
                        The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
                        The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.
                        -30°C / -22°F
                        People in Greece die.
                        The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.
                        -40°C / -40°F
                        Paris start cracking in the cold.
                        The Finns stand in line at the "grilli-kioski".
                        -50°C / -58°F
                        Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
                        The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.
                        -60°C / -76°F
                        The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.
                        -183°C / -297.4°F
                        Microbes in food don't survive.
                        Finnish cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.
                        -273°C / -459.4°F
                        All atom-based movent halts.
                        Finns say "-*, it's cold outside today."
                        -300°C / -508°F
                        Hell freezes over.
                        Finland announces a tax reduction.


                        *I removed a Finnish curseword, for anyone interested it's the probably most well-known Finnish swearword in existence.

                        Comment


                        • Q: What is the difference between an empty stomach and a Finnish person who wants to ask something from a stranger?

                          A: You can actually hear the empty stomach.


                          Q: What is the most heavenly language?

                          A: Finnish, because it takes an eternity to learn.



                          Q: How many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?

                          A: None. Once a Finn has noticed that a light bulb is made of glass and has the shape of a bottle, he'll try to open it.



                          Q: No, seriously, how many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?

                          A: Five. One to hold the bulb and four to drink enough vodka for the room to start spinning.



                          Q: What's the difference between the Vikings and Finnish men?

                          A: When the Vikings came home after their wars, that's when the real drinking began. But when a Finnish man comes home after drinking, that's when the real war begins.



                          Q: How do you know a Finnish man is madly in love with his wife?

                          A: He almost tells her.

                          Comment


                          • Finland sounds like a warmer version of Canada.

                            Comment


                            • What's the difference between an abandoned Greyhound station and a lobster with large breasts?

                              One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean

                              That's what
                              - She

                              Without a clear-cut definition of sin, morality becomes a mere argument over the best way to train animals
                              - Manya the Holy Szin (The Quintara Marathon)

                              I may not be as old as dirt, but me and dirt are starting to have an awful lot in common
                              - Stephen R. Donaldson

                              Comment


                              • What's the difference between a rubber hose and a drunk Dutchman?


                                One's a hollow cylinder - the other is a silly Hollander.
                                The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

                                Comment

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