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Thread: Jokes

  1. #21
    Oops....... mossrose's Avatar
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    A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

    Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.


    Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

  2. Amen Wildflower amen'd this post.
  3. #22
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    Here's a riddle:

    A guy sleeps under the hood of his car; he wakes up oily.
    Another guy sleeps under back of the car; he wakes up exhausted.
    What happened to the guy who slept with jumper cables?

  4. #23
    tWebber
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    Why do gorillas have such large nostrils?








    Because they have large fingers.
    No Silicon Heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go?

  5. #24
    tWebber
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    Woman was shopping for turkeys in the frozen turkey isle. She had a large number to feed, and so she was looking for the biggest tom she could find. Not finding one large enough to her tastes she asked the clerk "do these get any bigger?" To which the clerk replied "no ma'am these are all dead."
    No Silicon Heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go?

  6. #25
    Theologyweb's Official Grandfather Jedidiah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mossrose View Post
    A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

    Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
    See, blonds are not so bad.

  7. #26
    Oops....... mossrose's Avatar
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    Yeah!


    Securely anchored to the Rock amid every storm of trial, testing or tribulation.

  8. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by DLAbaoaqu View Post
    Here's a riddle:

    A guy sleeps under the hood of his car; he wakes up oily.
    Another guy sleeps under back of the car; he wakes up exhausted.
    What happened to the guy who slept with jumper cables?
    ANSWER: He wakes up with a start!

  9. Amen Wildflower amen'd this post.
  10. #28
    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    The presiding judge in a case involving a man charged with tax evasion was known for his dry sense of humor. As the defendant stood before him alone, the judge asked if he had counsel. Looking toward the ceiling, the man replied, "Jesus Christ is my counselor and defender."

    The wise Judge nodded slowly while carefully framing his next question, which was, "Sir, do you have LOCAL counsel?"
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

  11. #29
    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    An evangelical is a fundamentalist whose kids dress up for Halloween.
    A conservative evangelical is a fundamentalist whose kids dress up for the church’s “Fall Festival.”
    A confessional evangelical is a fundamentalist whose kids dress up as Zwingli and Bucer for “Reformation Day.”
    A revivalist evangelical is a fundamentalist whose kids dress up as demons and angels for the church’s Judgment House community evangelism outreach.
    An Emerging Church evangelical is a fundamentalist who has no kids, but who dresses up for Halloween anyway.
    A fundamentalist is a fundamentalist whose kids hand out gospel tracts to all those mentioned above.
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

  12. Amen Wildflower, Rushing Jaws amen'd this post.
  13. #30
    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    A bit of wisdom:

    You should never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fist.
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

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