Semmie the Cow Hater!

[Sparko]

I recently learned that our cute little semmie is really an evil cow hater.

She has misled us into wasting over a year on writing cow poems, playing cow games, making cow smilies and catering to (what we thought) her cow obsession.

When in FACT, she dislikes cows and only likes to say Moo for some obscure reason. (maybe so she can pretend to be a cow and loath herself?)

It is sick! sick! SICK!

I won't stand for it any longer.


She probably eats them too.

[Gideon Brown]

She is Satan's kid sister. Which makes sembro Satan. And it all makes sense!

[semmie]

I recently learned that our cute little semmie is really an evil cow hater.

not a hater...a disliker. remember, i voted halfway between "hate" and indifferent."

She has misled us into wasting over a year on writing cow poems, playing cow games, making cow smilies and catering to (what we thought) her cow obsession.

how did i mislead you? did i ever say i was a cow? did i ever say i have a cow obsession? did i ever say i wanted cow smilies? i simply asked for cow poetry. if you'll recall, i also started the SPAM poetry thread, which might lead one to believe that i like poetry in general.

When in FACT, she dislikes cows and only likes to say Moo for some obscure reason. (maybe so she can pretend to be a cow and loath herself?)

okay, here's a story. i had this friend named Christian in high school. we were at a coffee house one night, having a very serious discussion, and somebody closeby exclaimed very loudly "oh my gawd!" we were both extremely irritated by it, because we were christians and felt it irreverent. so we got to talking about why it bothered us so much, and he said very randomly, "do you suppose it bothers Hindus when we say Holy Cow" which was a phrase we both said quite a bit. we agreed not to say "holy cow" anymore, just in case it offended any nearby Hindus (though i'm sure there weren't many); and to remind us not to take it so personally, every time we heard someone say "oh my gawd," we would look at each other and say "moo!"

so...people start hearing you say "moo," and what can you expect but that they'll think you like cows? truthfully, it had nothing to do with cows. but eventually, it became a cow theme...my siblings remembered how they used to call me "sarah elizabeth cow" when i was little (i've no idea why), and my friends started giving me cow stuffed animals, etc. it's not as if i chose to have a cow obsession...and it's not as if i particularly wanted one.

It is sick! sick! SICK!

I won't stand for it any longer.

i'm sorry, cap'n. i really am.

She probably eats them too.

only on occasion. i don't do well with red meat.

[semmie]

She is Satan's kid sister. Which makes sembro Satan. And it all makes sense!

hehe...okay...that does make sense.

[Sparko]

not a hater...a disliker. remember, i voted halfway between "hate" and indifferent."

how did i mislead you? did i ever say i was a cow? did i ever say i have a cow obsession? did i ever say i wanted cow smilies? i simply asked for cow poetry. if you'll recall, i also started the SPAM poetry thread, which might lead one to believe that i like poetry in general.

okay, here's a story. i had this friend named Christian in high school. we were at a coffee house one night, having a very serious discussion, and somebody closeby exclaimed very loudly "oh my gawd!" we were both extremely irritated by it, because we were christians and felt it irreverent. so we got to talking about why it bothered us so much, and he said very randomly, "do you suppose it bothers Hindus when we say Holy Cow" which was a phrase we both said quite a bit. we agreed not to say "holy cow" anymore, just in case it offended any nearby Hindus (though i'm sure there weren't many); and to remind us not to take it so personally, every time we heard someone say "oh my gawd," we would look at each other and say "moo!"

so...people start hearing you say "moo," and what can you expect but that they'll think you like cows? truthfully, it had nothing to do with cows. but eventually, it became a cow theme...my siblings remembered how they used to call me "sarah elizabeth cow" when i was little (i've no idea why), and my friends started giving me cow stuffed animals, etc. it's not as if i chose to have a cow obsession...and it's not as if i particularly wanted one.


i'm sorry, cap'n. i really am.


only on occasion. i don't do well with red meat.

A likely story! Exactly what one would expect from a cow-dislikerer.

We never knew of this, and for some reason, we all assumed you had a cow obsession. Why? were we psychic or something? NO! It was because you led us to believe you were cow obsessed. If you didn't like people associating you with cow obsession you should never have brought it up on this board.

Clearly you are the one at fault and EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEvil. (SNL church lady voice).

Your ruse has been exposed.

[semmie]

dear sparko,

i am sorry to inform you that my fingers have been possessed by evil anti-cow demons. i have spent the evening with an exorcist, and now have control of my fingers again. please forgive the blasphemous things i've shared, and know that with every ounce of my being, i love cows.

if i can do anything to make up to you this most grave misunderstanding, please let me know.

most sincerely,

sarah who loves cows, and who's smilie is even a cow (look >> )

[Sparko]

hmm. I would accept that Semmie, but as I have found out, this blasphemy of cows has been going on for a while, I found a post of yours from last year in which you told us about your dislike of Cows. apparently nobody really noticed the implications then because they were not as smart as I am.

It is too late to try to cover up your cow dislike with clever tales of demons.

[One Bad Pig]

hmm. I would accept that Semmie, but as I have found out, this blasphemy of cows has been going on for a while, I found a post of yours from last year in which you told us about your dislike of Cows. apparently nobody really noticed the implications then because they were not as smart as I am.

It is too late to try to cover up your cow dislike with clever tales of demons.

I have known this for quite some time, Sparko. It's not my fault you don't pay attention.

[semmie]

hmm. I would accept that Semmie, but as I have found out, this blasphemy of cows has been going on for a while, I found a post of yours from last year in which you told us about your dislike of Cows. apparently nobody really noticed the implications then because they were not as smart as I am.

It is too late to try to cover up your cow dislike with clever tales of demons.

then what would be an acceptable response?

[Sparko]

then what would be an acceptable response?

You could cook me a nice steak. Medium please. and a baked potato fully loaded.

[semmie]

You could cook me a nice steak. Medium please. and a baked potato fully loaded.

i will not touch steak. sorry.

[Sparko]

I don't want you to touch it and get your germs all over it!

Just use some cooking implements and put it on a plate.

[semmie]

I don't want you to touch it and get your germs all over it!

Just use some cooking implements and put it on a plate.

absolutely not.

[semmie'ssister]

Only I know the true beginning of the 'sarah elizabeth cow' story.....as I am the one whoe first started the whole name calling incident and even developed a 'sarah elizabeth cow' theme song! And yes, I remember ALL the verses! But I doubt any one else does!

[Sparko]

post them.