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Thread: 5-Word Story Compilation Thread

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    5-Word Story Compilation Thread

    In this thread, I'm going to periodically post compilations that I've made of long stretches of the 5-Word Story thread.

    The story so far, encompassing posts #1-140...



    The dark and stormy knight sailed in on white breakers. Feeling the call of nature, Fred sat down to think and he said to himself, "What? Where's the fire truck?"

    Suddenly, distant sirens are heard as firemen extinguish the bacon. "Dang, that's the third time this week I lost my fireproof trousers. Maybe Dino can dig up some more."

    As Fred stood to call "Therefore," US Americans, such as Wilma, can be very proud of the dryer lint, so she cleaned out her bellybutton and ate a French fry because she had no bacon.

    Meanwhile, Captain Airy said to the parrot on his shoulder, "Where are me leg, boyo?" Just then, the Rubbles came with Bamm-Bamm carrying his parents all the way to the car wash.

    After a shower, they rode home on Dino, leaving Fred the Dark Knight to fight crime with Dynomutt who had abandoned Blue Falcon over licensing issues and was borrowing equipment from Inspector Gadget and Inch High Private Eye to remove dye from pies, which is why Dick Dastardly fainted and fell into the latrine and probably what Fred intended all along.

    But, then a strong wind came along causing everyone to move upwind of Pigpen who came to get Snoopy's ball from Fred while the stormy knight offered free pony rides on his elephant.

    Next door, the gardener was busily planting seeds of doubt among the neighbors about that dark and stormy knight.

    Meanwhile, Penelope was tied to a huge mountain of debt thanks to Dudley Do-Right who pranced off into the sunset in the stormy knight's tutu because Nell and Horse had no reason to suspect that DVD collection of Mad Men could be used as a doorstop in Tennessee Tuxedo's house beside the one legged lamp that absconded with the five o'clock shadow of a doubt straight into the dawning of the age of Aquarius, which arrived immediately after the dusk causing the angry mermaids to pluck off all their scales and give them to Libra so he could use them for making weighty decisions concerning the Blue Falcon's latest book on barbecuing snail shells in vinegar.

    Meanwhile, in the lair of the Pussy Willow dragon flea, a horrific itching has commenced for which RogueTech would recommend bacon grease be liberally applied all over the storm window using a brisk circular motion. "You scoundrel!" shouted Captain Airy.

    Meanwhile, down on the farm, Old McDonald still can't spell which is why we are doomed to forever repeat burps that can be heard all over the TV Land prairie, including all the little houses that Shaggy and Scooby had painted in psychodelic colors with peppermint, tapioca, sardine [and] jalapeno pizza, then sat back to admire their artwork, which they promptly ate, then got into the Scoobymobile, which everyone else called the Mystery Machine which Fred had souped up with some Campbell's, hated by Scots everywhere, but used by meddling kids everywhere.

    At that moment the old bucket belonging to Daffy Duck kicked itself in the head, which is odd since buckets only use their hands when someone calls them a buckethead and they go into Jackie Chan mode, striking anything that even attempts to tip them or the cows they were hiding under.

    But, wait! What's the dark and stormy knight doing back on the beach? The descaled mermaids probably know. But they aren't snitching on him or Baney and Betty Boop. Along the way, though, Fred decided that he needed to hide his toes in the world of too many words which makes absolutely no sense!

    Waking from the weird dream, Shaggy looked at Scooby and poked him in the belly and giggled, "Grits and bacon," then thought, Hold the grits. "I'm tired of bacon!" he said in patently obvious jest -- whereupon an entire plate of dark chocolate with almonds appeared but got trampled by Fred's elephant.

    The pony rides were better, thanks to Bugs Bunny who volunteered Porky to replace the incandescent bulbs with CFLs. "That's... that's... that's... wrong," said Bob the Builder, laughing heartily.

    But Bob didn't see Bugs take a left turn at Milwaukee because the old turnpike used to be in Albequerque. But, there was a harepin to compile the first post.
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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  2. Amen mossrose amen'd this post.
  3. #2
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    Continuing on with posts #141-259...


    "Never!" shouted Captain Airy's parrot!

    "Always!" shouted his peg leg.

    So, being sneaky, Wiley Coyote decided to run for political office, promising a roadrunner in every pot.

    "Yeah, right," said George. "Dino smoked all my pot. And nobody can catch a elephant in a butterfly net with catfish for bait."

    But, coyotes are faster than roadrunners so the elephant will likely lose to the Road Runner just like Marcel always does. Whenever they bet on tiddlywinks, they lose all the winks which is as good as a maple leaf drifting lazily down during a category five hurricane on the west coast of Kukamunga.

    Meanwhile, the Rescue Rangers zipped over to Monterrey's largest nuthouse, disappointing Chip and Dale when they didn't bring back the dark and stormy knight. They would have but Goofy accidentally knocked Skipper into a large vat of chocolate and then yelled "Fire!"

    Suddenly, his brother asked him, "Why would you give Bam-Bam a colander to sift out Skipper after I used it for Garfield's litter box strainer which makes a lousy lasagna pan?"

    However, what happened next dwarfed the neighboring Frost Giant's expectations in a rather teensy, weensy yellow polka-dot bikini. Fred traded his unicycle for a new carpet (with) which Wilma could begin her new plan for world domination, which she would need knitting needles for since Mossy "borrowed" her pin.

    (But) mossy said, "I did not!"

    But everyone else loudly shouted, "That's right, mossy! As always!"

    High-divers in the desert nibbled on sandwiches and desert which was a bit sandy, because Sandy cut her finger while she was knitting a scarf with pins rather than needles and needed that wool from the Meloi Khryseoi as they fell off the tree and hit Newton on the head causing Leibniz to laugh and pontificate the philosophy that Newton was a big poopiehead, and golden sheep and/or apples aren't exactly a good diet as detoxicating in painful.

    Meanwhile, the dark and stormy knight carried a candle to his peddle-powered speedboat so quickly the candle went out. So, he lit a blowtorch and scared his noble Friesen into pooping on his elephant who screeched and ran away. This caused the horse to gather his mane and gallantly cook up some crispy bacon, which was consumed faster than that Friesen can gallop away from a cello playing weasel.

    Finished playing weasel, the cello decided to get a new mulberry bush. Around that time, Conrad ate an entire bowl of porridge from the table, wishing it was nine days old and not too hot, filled with light green mold.

    Carry on with the story now that the knight had sold, because the wimpy Sliver Surfer bought roller skates for the buffalo herd visit while whistling, "Can too rollerskate in here!" whereupon he tripped over an itsy bitsy polka-dot bikini, causing Wonder Woman to grab Fred's club which was laying underneath the aforementioned bikini.

    Batman found the secret entrance to the He-Man Women Haters Club, which was weird because She-Ra was yelling like Tarzan and bothering Archie Goodwin, which was strange since he wasn't there, which was why the case never got solved after all.

    Therefore, the Rainbow Fish was waiting at the bus stop sharing some gal's umbrella. The bus left, she stayed, love caused them to give each other love. Meanwhile, back on Planet Kebob, men were beginning to wonder what umbrellas had to do with dark chocolate and love at a bus stop.

    Meanwhile, back at the circus, the elephants greeted their long-lost trainer, who always fed them dark chocolate, bacon and umbrellas.
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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  4. #3
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    Carrying on with posts #260-397...


    "How fair, thou yonder horse!" shouted the strange little man with the umbrella and the cat litter stored together in his matchbox ambulance and clown car combo, that the Matron Sisters traded for a shoebox full of IRS receipts from Donald Trump along with with hair styling tips that Fred had bought when he still had hair.

    While all this was happening, Marcia and Jan went to the windmill bazaar to shoot some groovy chicks for Greg, named Breezy and Windy, who shared a brain, if any. Both were a couple of airheads but not dumb enough to tilt at the windmills although they tilted the pinball machines, which made the silver ball crash right through the plexiglass hamster cage releasing all of Hamtaro's buddies, who scrambled, screaming "Banzai Buckaroo!" as they crossed the Eighth Dimension.

    But, suddenly the Matron Sisters snatched their wimple off and shook their gilded rulers at all the little Katzenjammer truants who were sledding downhill in mid-August in Canada. But, south of the North Pole where Rudoloph the Red knows rain, dear, along with his new friend Frosty the Snowman's wife, (nicknamed) Freezy, a volcano erupted! Running for the backdoor, Fred hollered to Shaggy and Scooby to grab the dark chocolate and bacon which they had already eaten when Crystal, Frosty's wife, was baking ice cubes in the dishwasher.

    The elephant wanted to wear Silver Surfer's roller skates right through the buffalo herd. Proving that a recurring theme is only funny until someone but Crystal, Frosty's sweetheart, said "Where is the bacon and chocolate," which was not very funny meanwhile, down on the farm Old McDonald told Young McDonald, "Learn how to spell 'cow,' dag-nabbit, or else Deputy Dawg will have one and that silly wabbit who's hiding in the briar patch will get all tarred out, which is silly, considering that Trix are overrated and icky to eat!"

    About this time Dynomutt returned for baby goats which prefer crosspost and disparaging Trix to wander the mountains of Colorado, the lair of the dreaded Stony Grassman of Weeds, the teetotaler who once said, "Life is like... uh, what?"

    Meanwhile, Fred decided to be more stormy, because women like Aqua Velva men and Wilma had a stormy nature herself, why Fred loved her so, aside from their mutual passion for dinosaur racing, which is pretty rare these days because of the decline of jockeys due to their eating losing dinosaurs -- or dinosaurs eating them, maybe.

    At this point Charlie Chan was as inscrutable as ever, until Number Two Son brought the elephant back into the Jacuzzi while Pixie and Dixie went to the car wash for a bubble brush to alleviate the bubble shortage in the Jacuzzi. But they forgot the ultra-extra-strength new-and-improved better-than-before scientifically-proven-and-Mother-approved RogueTech(TM) Deluxe Bubble Bath -- and industrial solvent, which makes absolutely no bubbles at all; just one enormous bubble that floated into the sixth dimension -- one more than intended.

    But it didn't matter to the elephant when the mice arrived because he was already out of his mind wanting peanuts.

    Meanwhile, on the flip side, Pixie and Dixie returned and the Bedrock Drive-In was packed with terrified elephants and mammoths dancing on the head of a bowling pin made out of Feta cheese which was quite mixed with elephant toe jam, because Rogue dared CP to prod some bovines with a tuning fork, which Toro the living lawnmower uses to recalibrate his microwave cellular set of electric bongo drums that Scooby-Doo gave Velma on her birthday because Shaggy was too shy.

    Meanwhile, at WKRP, there was plenty of pachyderm pandemonium pertaining to Les' ill-fated attempt to remove his bow tie and his Band-Aid until Johnny get his fever down and Jennifer got it back up until the Big Guy got Venus in a flytrap.

    Then, Dynomutt lifted his leg, watering with his new watering can the fire-breathing snapdragonflies that Venus flytrap had hoped to grow on the dark side, but were instead growing in liquid sunshine and moonbeams which had disastrous effects on immature, genetically challenged, belted frogs wearing knee socks and sandals.
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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    Posts #398-553...


    Raising her umbrella skyward, Jackie said, "Sun is bad for bushbabies! Didn't you know that?!"

    "Yes!" said Mandarin the delicious orange. "But the elephant forgot!"

    Luckily, Pepperidge Farms remembers and reminded Mandarin that horses should only speak when spoken to regardless of how Strong Bad impotently stomped his little foot and angrily brayed in protest.

    "Shall we hunt poachers?" queried Egghead on a scrambled frequency. "Let's find bacon and chocolate and party like it's 1999 until tomorrow. Then we might be hung over until next week."

    Amidst watching animations of cows, Clara had a brilliant revelation. So she got a glass menagerie of mechanized happiness that managed a miniature motorcycle.

    Meanwhile, Melody sang in harmony with Marcie who mixed muffin batter instead of making gingerbread men for Christmas. In the background, Cynthia went to visit Tess Trueheart and Gravel Gertie via flying car.

    "Horrors!" cried the Moon Maids in unison.

    "Zoinks!" shrieked the porridge maiden, as Scooby-Doo and Dyno-Mutt were sneaking contrary to Smeagol's wishes. "Sneaking?!"

    As the Dark Lord ate Oreos and drank cold milk, Saint Nicholas rolled over in his footed pajamas because he got poked by Rudolf's cold ruthless moneygrubbing foul smelling greedy Aunt Mabel, whose nose was longer than Pinocchio's left foot.

    Running to the rescue, Ivan stopped to smooch with Tess but his hesitation cost dearly. Aunt Mabel didn't care, though, allowing Scooby-Do and Dyno-Mutt to race through Marcie's kitchen unhindered hence successfully carting off all Cynthia's teal hair bows.

    Suddenly a giant lava wave approached! Frankie grabbed his asbestos surf board and made a mad dash that made Dash really mad, but someone shouted "Surf's up!" But the ocean was a sea of lava so it frightened Miss Muffet away. Spiders of the "Lavalantua" variety can do that to a person.

    In other news, Indiana Jones drank some Jones Soda and prompty threw up, gagging and drinking from Minnesota Fats' pool table. Digesting it was hard.

    Marcie was quite offended by how Shaggy and Scooby-Doo refused to wear kitchen hats in lieu of dining on bacon bits in the Ninth Circle K convenience store north of the kitchen.

    Once in stock, lock and barrel the cactus until you can make jelly. But jelly don't jam so well in the radar, thus rock and roll was invented to destroy the souls of the soulless stones and bread which had no souls anyway -- which brings us to realize that the Kaiser was on a roll.

    Sandwiches being a past thing, the wicked vizier lopped off all their heads with his vorpal butter knife, which he then used to butter his vorpal. However, the vorpal was sliced to fine quality, as no sound was made when the tree fell right where the bear pooped.

    Meanwhile, Velma lost her glasses in the aforementioned lava wave, confounding Hitler's plot to bomb the beach where the knight who said "Ni!" made lava which no one really needed.

    Because the lava lamp industry was suffering, Alex invented a disco mirror ball for pet dogs to entertain themselves with as Fred and Barney drank Fred's latest soda pop "invention" with reduced burpicity and increased iridescent flatulence (they fart rainbows) -- which is why... um... never mind.

    In other news, Betty Boop and Ally-Oop decided to get their hair braided, so they called the Catbus for a trip to the justice of the Unicorns concert down at city hall. There Betty became wrestler of the year after drinking the Incredible Hulk's protein shake when suddenly Barney burst in and said, "Wrong Betty."

    "Wrong about what?!" she replied. Barney pulled out a list. Meanwhile, Dino, having eaten chili, turned on Netflix to chill said chili. The chilly chili from Chile and Chili's Restaurant, that is.

    But -- an epiphany! "Pineapples aren't apples or pine," retorted Charlie Brown as he listened to Schroeder play Brahms on the xylophone his aunt played in the Russian army with Pavlov's dog who rang the Salvation Army kettle bell the day of Schoeder's birth.

    Suddenly a wild Chrawnus appeared, his blue hair flowing in the wind of winter around his left armpit which was sprouting orange colored hair and smelling oddly of lightly toasted Lekkerbrot.

    "Needs butter!" he cried, but got cream cheese instead and immediately launched into a diatribe on why Papa Smurf held his breath until he passed out and Gumby painted him mint green and yellow, causing severe depression amongst the shrinks.

    Having shrunken Gumby, they decided to enlarge Pokey who thought it was hokey and stuck his left hoof out the window to check if the ground was still salted caramel and dark chocolate, until someone wiped their nose with some poison ivy leaves. Then Betty Boop married Ally-Oop.
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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  6. Amen Chrawnus amen'd this post.
  7. #5
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    Carrying merrily along with #554-731...


    Now Betty Boop-Oop, she lived with Daisy Duck's sister Maureen God.

    "Is not a chessplayer in our midst?!" questioned Fred, who had recently decided to applaud Chrawnus for joining in the quadrennial clam bake and baby burping contest sponsored by Rouge Tech Industries.

    Alex announced, "The flying car is ready!"

    But then, George crashed it right through Marcie's kitchen window that Sherlock Holmes cracked earlier to Cynthia's dismay. She declared a food fight with the home care nurse looking after the Blue Falcon's Maltese, Millennium. "Where's the Maltese Falcon?" asked Millenium, the Blue Falcon's Maltese.

    "Deja vu!" exclaimed Han Solo to Mr. Sulu and Gandalf, while Malcom Reynolds wrestled the creature from the Black Puddle.

    "Great Grated Groot!" grunted Grant, greatly grating Gruyère's goat cheese.

    "Golly Gee," giggled Gragarious Gail.

    "You fellows are totally loopy!" Toucan Sam said after he ate the entire box of Captain Crunch's Frosted Flakes cereal, including the box. Indigestion resulted, severely disrupting his plans for ingesting a box of Quisp and leaving him wide open to Wayne Gretzky's body check. "Why do I keep falling in love with food I am allergic to? It never occurs to me that I should just eat more bacon, crispy like before the war."

    Cooking with bacon soda, he got to bacon a lot, but not enough according to the hitchhikers' guide to the Galaxy 500 and other cars like a '65 Mustang GT, which, Alex noted, didn't fly. "Can fix that!" he shouted, and immediately called RogueTech.

    To send the flying squirrels to ride hover dogs into the sunset where birds will soar over the rainbow into the outer limits, where strange zones of twilight can be difficult to tell from the cheap seats up in the balcony, he fixed that. However, his nosebleeds would not cease! None of this went unobserved by those who bothered to cook their bacon until it gets crispy like before the war of the worlds of Wells, Lewis, Tolkein and Chesterton.

    Long grass covered the hole, so Melody fell right in! Landing on Alice's foot causing severe chafing and an inflamed larynx, Melody apologized profusely. "Forgive me, for I know not why Cynthia flew away in such a huff, yelling out 'LET ME DOWN!'"

    Years later, she got her frequent flyer miles rescinded because she tried detective work and failed. When the background check came in it was revealed that she failed her pilot's license test because of that little incident involving the large jar of apple pie flavored cookies. But she got to keep the left landing gear which was stuck in the down position, in much better condition than the black knight waiting on the shovel knight's demise.

    With whipped cream and a cherry flavored snow cone meant for Marcie, Alex ate it himself. Marcie cried herself to sleep, snoring so loudly that neighbors figured that the black helicopters needed an oil change.

    "Dragons provide the oil by being grouchy old fossils with highly compressable bones," mused Alex as he licked his lips and tried to whistle but only ended up spitting out his one good tooth along with the giant wad of tobakkie he got from Chewbacca last week at the picture show. Around this time Snow White Sands Missile Range and Kindergarten was acquired by RogueTech, which need no other explanation as often happens.

    However, we try to explain it anyways, as Rouge Tech acquired RogueTech to stop unwanted confusion over which cheek colour is best on a cheeky cheetah named Chuck Chip "Choo-Choo" Chang, Chester Cheetah's attention-seeking brother, who asks, "This is about CP, the prodder of bovines?", as the Cheap Sheep Cheese belted out that old melody Three Blind Mice, sung with knives at the ready to slice the bacon into too, too many pieces before realizing they had bacon bits and bytes.

    With a flourish, Elvis grated the nearest tiger which caused the tiger to try to change his spots, but they were grated off like cheese through a hot tin roof. Ivan Clawed growled at Claud's only surviving divan because it was possessed by a posse of possessive possums pausing purposefully, preparing piles of porpoise paws as Tennessee Tuxedo tracked Tess tirelessly!

    Running for Grand Poobah of the local Polar Bear Club since he received his new speedo from the itsy bitsy teeny weeny microdot that revealed the location of the bacon, Prelarius insisted on a polka-dotted Prius as per the preamble to the constitution of the Secret Order of French Fries.

    "And, um -- do you want fries in the shape of a Maltese Cross, which we usually only make for members who have served in the TWeb staff?" he asked. "Therefore! Let's play patty cake with Peppermint Patty." So they did.

    Unfortunately, Prelarius discovered his allergy and performed some nasal flatulations that came out sounding like a flock of wereplatypuses playing Bohemian Rhapsody on nose flutes led by Dorkie Tearsweat, with twenty unicorns playing their horns upon a gentle summer morn.

    Right before the kazoo playing commenced, Dorkie laced her shoes with limp spaghetti, sans meatballs. Her favorite word was uttered: "Sesquipedalian? Me? Loquaciousness ennobles conventional --" And the room fell silent as a horse. The horse, of course, was Mr. Ed, she said, and went to bed. Then her alarm went off!
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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  8. #6
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    I've been neglecting this for a while, and it took me all morning to put together, but here be posts #732-1080...


    "It was all a dream!" Bob told Emily his wife, before falling out of bed onto a passing zamboni that recently escaped from the zamboni petting zoo in Canookistan where pygmies are always freezing since they can't acclimatize to the walk-in freezers where the bodies of former zambonis are kept chilled until it's time for the feast of Steven when King Wenceslas wears the golden tuque of Tutankhamen, after washing out the socks and underwear after going three months without a shower.

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch of a thousand islands, Caesar cried, "Seize her!" Hordes amassed as she she had a seizure of assets from the IRS, otherwise known as the Horde.

    "Hoarding hoarding is a serious business," decried Dr. Kildare as he dared to kill there.

    Meanwhile in Canada, the mounties donned their red serge and surged toward Red Deer, Alberta -- although Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan was an option they hadn't considered due to maple syrup flooding the Winnipeg flood overflow around the wall of zambonis built on the Plains of Abraham!

    Disproving the long-held theory that Tim Horton's serves tacos, Abraham ordered coffee. The plains ran away with the spoon. Leaving a distraught plate of bacon, he pondered his actions while wolfing down the bacon and directing wolf whistles towards the seemingly shy girl who brought her milkshake to the coffee maker to add rum instead of milk so that the guy ogling her would get the royal flush.

    Meanwhile, Black Jack ran straight towards the cribbage table where the bassinet was cradled by a ladle, since the spade'll never have the heart to club a diamond in the sky, and thus "ended this story. Now get back to work!" -- or some fools thought. It turns out they're right to be wrong since they bork chicky in the pot which the lazy pirates smoked the end of over the plank.

    But there was no way to predict how far a Canuckistani would chase the puck after they spotted a baby seal that ordered coffee and Timbits from a tuque wearing polar bear arms. Yet someone did. She clubbed the seal and ate its pilfered Timbits, along with the tray they came on, and washed it all down with gallons of Molson Gold and went home with a tummy ache.

    Sick in bed -- with new seal fur slippers (at least that's what they were until they started moving!) -- in horror he jumped back into line to get tickets for the musical group Lottery. Unfortunately, they'd sold out, so tickets for the Cheap Sheep Cheese were counterfeited so that he could sneak past the watchful watch watchers watching paint dry-cleaned out of their waistcoats. "They're wasting time," shouted the stormy knight, long forgotten. "Therefore!"

    Forever forswearing four word swearing for wearing "Force Awakens" noseplugs and other paraphernalia, Fanny fainted into the stormy knight's arms as he was trying to pour maple syrup onto his bacon.

    The nearby colony of ants called their pal Bullwinkle to task because he forgot to pull Rocky out of his hat where Rocky had been storing his collection of Playsquirrel magazines. "Who left those in there?" Bullwinkle queried. "Musta been Boris. He's always been jealous of my chewed gum collection, lightly toasted tractor tyre flavor, and the way I spell."

    "A likely tale!" scoffs Sherlock while boarding the Hindenburg II, setting sail for the Florida, before the Titanic flew off and exploded over the Keys, leaving the door's lock unopenable and the door in pieces.

    "Oh, the huge manatee!" he observed, as it floated by with its hair on fire. "Wait, that's not hair! It's Donald Trump's toupee smoking a kipper! He'll be back for the red herrings who snorted at his lack of class."

    As the stormy knight sighed, his foot fell asleep. Prickly heat which Boudreaux's Butt Paste makes far worse, he found, began to enter said foot, shouting "Olly olly oxen free!" Newly freed, the oxen began tiptoeing through the tulips together with Tiny Tim and his seventy-six trombones and electric ukelele, but the tulips were plastic, annoying the swarm of bees, already late to their honeymoon.

    The honeymooners opened Pandora's Box Cracker Jacks to see if Jack could crack them back before Ralph and Norton's back door flew open, revealing a moon. "To Alice!" it cried, cracking a vertical smile full of black Tic-Tacs and lacking lackeys Ralph and Norton called the Hack Attack Track Pack.

    To crack backs, they jacked a Yak Snack Shack back, which caused the wimmenfolk to sack the quarterback with lots of pink slips and termination, causing consternation across the nation. We have got the information at the Haitian taxation station.

    As this was going on, multiple sharknados approached the coast just after the baboonami struck, annoying the godzilla piranha swarms that the lavantulas gobbled up immediately. Then all was calm.

    Just before Fred burst into tears, he lamented the condition of his prize leeks, grown in dragon poop provided by Rogue Tech Confectionery and Wedding, paid for with Confederate money stolen from CP's piggy bank, made from bacon.

    Chocolate rained on everyone's parade of tin soldiers, evoking lots of "told ya's" sung to beautiful music played by a one-man submarine pond-skimming amphibious green hippopotamus impersonator band.

    While balancing deftly on the diving board, the hysterical hypothetical hypenated hydra hurled helpless howling hostages high and dry up on to the next level to face the Alabamastani crazy cat lady and her fifty Bengali tigers which is what she called Cuddle Munchkin Sub-Pack 00000000001A, used to detonate run-on sentences.

    Throughout all this, Fred continued to wonder why the Black Hole hadn't spaghettified him yet, which made him increasingly hungry from his beloved lasagna-making wife of 20 ice ages. (That's what they called their infrequent spats over leaving the fridge door open.) Now hungry, Fred stopped at Tequila Mockingbird for some tacos made by Paco from Taos, washed down with sour milk instead of the sour cream as planned.

    Having a fit, the dress was too large. Because the Brit wit slit the knit bit, it split, like appeasing peace peas do. "I'm for whirled peas!" shouted Doctor Array, while performing surgery with her Red Ryder BB on a wounded mosquito with surrounding life-sucking Metroids!

    "Hark!" Harold the angel bleated as Herc turned, thinking he had heard of third herd of bored boorish Boer boar aboard a dinghy with an outboard, carrying a cache of cash to his flash moustache stash that rued the rude slight of homonyms ad hominin.

    "Curses! I'll sue the pseudo-Sioux sewing pro show banjo crossbows glowing," quoth the pickle o'er the door, while trimming its dreadlocks with scissors, zithers -- whate'er they be -- even a sore soaring sword from the Boar Boring Board.

    Sheik shakes it off awefully, adores the door lawfully, and says, "When did this become an excercise in rhyme?" But Fred, the martial marshal (knight) marshalled the marred shell of mighty mites which might bite bright white tights tonight. "Not my tighty whities!" squealed the luddite with stage fright.

    In response, Fred ordered the bacon, bacon, bacon and bacon, that's topped with bacon bits with a side order of dark chocolate on the side of bacon, crispy like before it gets overcooked and burned in a wave of lava cake issuing from the kitchen where Ma is unpacking bacon wrapped in dark, dark chocolate.

    Suitably enticed, Loki emerges from the Tunnel of Love, thoroughly soaked from falling out of a clogged shower head without a parachute made out of fairy wings and dandelion fluff stitched together with unicorn hair and magical happy thoughts. Predictably, mainly maneless unicorns were miffed and made Moriarty their mayor, who said he sure lucked out ever since Holmes lost the ball game.

    Two runners means more strawberry plants for Watson II, Ida Know III's steam-powered vegetable patch launcher, made from a modified trebuchet pilfered from the walls of the well-mannered minor miner's manor -- meaning Manfred "Manly" Mann moaned, "How now brown cow," causing an Apache cattle stampede through the Manhattan skyline, only stopping at a rooftop swimming pool where some Buffalo, New York bisons sipped daintily from crystal decanters while whining about the wine and sharing scandalous prairie gossip.

    Before the police raided their little soiree to congratulate them, Ms. Soirée repented of her evil ways and turned Melody loose to spread the gospel. "Christ is risen today!" she proclaimed far and wide to all who would listen (plus-sized men and wimmenfolk included).

    Then an airship crashed through the Mushroom Kingdom's castle! "Help! My insurance forms aren't signed!" Causing the vultures to smirk and sing their favourite song, Princess Toadstool changed her name to "That's What Friends Are For," to escape the burning shame of being ninja'd by MelMak and get back on track running on the front tract, because this isn't an act that a good axe couldn't crack, so don't look back as you hit the road with a snarky Toad.

    But the sick sheik shakes his half-baked cake, takes a rake to chase Jake the Snake who's no flake or fake as Super Chicken will attest. "Let me talk about spam," the Vikings in the diner sang deep from the diaphragm of the local stage tram with a battering ram, covered with raspberry marmalade. (Maybe jam.)

    While ordering spam with spam and gobs of dark chocolate which mossy promptly confiscated, so they then had to cram more spam into their spam with a side of lamb with some fava beans and stressed electrocardiogram.

    "Yam jam's a session with Will-i-am and Fergie, up bright and early with a fully functional keyboard!" exclaimed the dark and stormy knight and his sidekick, Weather Girl, who kicked his backside for sidling up to her back -- after which, without much delay, Martin the Martian asked for a markedly Martian martini maker named Marcia, known for shaking and baking, not stirring and stringing Martin along on a wild goose chase for snipe hunts, red herring fishing and radioactive bait and switching worms on the hooks retroactively causing multiple time paradoxes and the Tardis to appear with an array of bewildering gadgets, some of which looked remarkably like they were designed by Vogon poets and Klingon pacifists while drunk and distracted by Jedi hoola-hoop acrobats wearing tutus and swarms of angry wasps wafting about awaiting the big crunch at the restaurant at the end of the universe.
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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  9. Amen Ben Zwycky amen'd this post.
  10. #7
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    Continuing the lunacy with posts #1081-1457...

    "Too much information!" cried Melody, wishing she hadn't delayed compiling a list of her least favorite foods -- starting with aardvark tongue casserole with sautéed snail shells simmering so slightly over cheese. Silently suffering, she sauntered salaciously. Seeking solace so subtle, she seldom senses it, having raided the local bookshelf.

    So, she threw the throne as far as its books painstakingly proscribed to five decimal systems, including -- but not limited to -- the end of the "99 Bottles of Beer" song in seven-part harmony with a quartet of stray alley cats as the throne crashed, singing "Rock This Town" and strutting like a blind drunk rooster at Mardi Gras in Rio Lobo.

    Elsewhere, the purple irises bloomed into dazzling explosions of winks and blinks as eye teeth were pulled without anaesthetic causing toes to curl -- but Cynthia's magnifying glass proved otherwise. Hence, Harold the herald ran the hungry hungry hippo hustler mincing the mints, as a mink in the sink blinked, instead of winked, at the pink-ink-drinking sphinx, linking lynx to LYNX computers via Amazon Whispersync. When sinking, think a lip-syncing Pink Panther a rinky-dink panther.

    Have you any wool? Yes, sir! Three ounces makes a big shawl. Though a bit scratchy, unless it's cashmere mixed with angora and served with pistachios and coffee beans, wool is abrasive. Especially steel wool, which is fun to burn and swing in the eyes of an overfed maniacal Mesopotamian rust monster escaped from a D&D game along with a horde of endless sentences.

    The monster lives in an adorable little apartment overlooking Central Park with his fluffy poodle called Wrathful Devourer. "Thy punctuation stinketh!" he barked, before howling at the moon and turning into a goblin -- at which point Spiderman arrived with Legolas to vanquish it using a moldering leg of lamb (or possibly egg and jam). This, of course, upset the cabbage cart that the poor singing damsel lugged along the pro-bending stadium's lower concourse, after those meddlesome kids and mangy mutt foiled her plans.

    All of this prompted the actor to remember his lines but forget to show up to rehearse them. Giant warthogs pulling sleds full of possums ran over Melody, depleting her chilly chili from Chile stash causing serious jalapeno-withdrawl cold turkey across Turkey. This in turn caused the blue shovel to pick a fight with the pick axe pickers of Pickwick who, oddly enough, were armed with pink flourescent swizzle sticks.

    The battle was fierce but the devastating air strike from RogueTech Hover Dog Air Corp couldn't prevail against the shovels that had dug deeply into the pile of leaves outside, which provided camouflage for the 500-megaton thermonuclear dishwasher (for those really hard-to-clean dishes). Assault hamsters began a barrage of limp noodle powered badminton Horse Trials leftovers, upsetting the apple cart that cartwheeled crazily through buckets of muppet puppets, causing Marianne's marionettes to march to a different drum, inspiring songs of woe.

    "Whoa!" cried Bill and Ted.

    "Neigh," retorted the ostentatious horse, eating his honey for his hoarse throat.

    "No sir, I don't like green eggs and spam," said Mossy, as she viewed banned bawling bald bands who banded Band-Aids into bandicoot bandanas, overshadowing Melody's headband. The skunks raised their tails and hightailed over hill and over dale, leaving comatose "combed-toe" sloths in Cynthia's dresser, leaving her unamused. But, Melody kept giggling while Tess made funny faces at her reflection in the mirror. After the mirror shattered, all sense of proportion vanished, causing Alice to tumble out but leave her left arm behind.

    Being replaced with a Cheshire champion chimpanzee anti-chainmail chainsaw along with a cool "boomstick", for those extra stubborn stains? Give me some sugar, baby! Cockroaches are surprisingly fussy eaters. So shop smart. Shop S-mart for your interdimensional insurance needs.

    Long lines began to form of tourists visiting Mount Doom, causing Sauron to start selling glittering Ring Pops of power, causing much indigestion upon consumption as colons were now bound with silmarilly string to the entertaining dancing trees goblin down lembas chops with Minto sauce, causing Sauron stomachs and orcward conversations. Luckily, they Hobbiton know breakfast before elven o'clock is Shire to cure indigestion upon being swallowed whole by a Capistrano seagull named Smeagol.

    "There's Moria than I expected since they're supposedly all Aragon extinct. I Saruman catch one in a Pokémon ball until it escaped." Mandos things are maudlin, especially on mandalore mandolins -- until Mandy found a minister, a man daring Mandarin to compose a camaraderie of common critters contaminating common creature comforts by living in a shoe.

    Which the Heel evicted the poor old lady living there since she could no longer foot the bill or toe of Which the Heel's itinerant cobbler fixed, while gobbling a ginormous gobsmacker generously given by giggling great Georgian goat grabbers giddily gorging on great gobs of neighborhoods.

    "Who are the baskets of kumquats for?" asked Norm, from his bar stool. "And I distinctly remember asking Woody for beer, not kumquats."

    "Sorry, Mr. Peterson. Kumquats confuse the poor oranges," replied Wilson to Tim, Dennis the Menace's Maniacal Marxist millionaire manservant, making Scooby and the gang suspicious.

    "Those meddling kids are always getting mettle medals of metal from me telling them my exponentially expended ice didn't expand!" Explaining why we can't have nice things or Canadian bacon, Doc Brown went back to 1885 to stop Buford Tannen from eating all the bacon that Mossy was cooking for Melody for her twentieth birthday. It was a long explanation.

    Involving wombats, reinforced concrete and Owly McOwlface's Tootsie Roll Pop, Cynthia put the clues together and laughed in Velma's face. Removing the Velma mask, Cynthia discovered that danger-prone Daphne only smelled like a zombie, when she dated a White Walker and forgot to shower afterwards. Even the Mystery Machine refused a shower. The car washes, in the promises of politicians, went out of business due of minding their own business and not greasing enough palms, instead of greasing the elbows.

    Leprechauns started fighting faeries over who could eat more more marshmallows, causing the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man to notice his missing toenail clippings he saved in a paroxysm of orderliness, frightening all of the Seven Dwarves, and Snow White fainted into the Sikh sheik's satin sheets, causing the Cheap Sheep Cheese to prepare the laundry for the nearby nudist colony's residents. This greatly alarmed the girls, who paddled away as quickly, using elephant ears as oars, as Superman chasing a runaway trained tiger wearing a train.

    "But, they dropped the oars!" gasped the ever-watchful Fleegle, as the waterfall loomed closer.

    "Ain't that pretty!" whispered Phoebe, as she plunged three thousand spears into some guy's fragile inflatable raft made out of water balloons and blu-tack, so even duct tape wouldn't help.

    "My post-modern life non-preserver!" squealed Mae West about her inflated popularity ratings, due to lacklustre earrings from the fires of Mordor after Sam tossed Gollum a delicious Smeagol salad with a steaming baked potato covered with bacon and dark chocolate! Everyone agreed to a lunch at Elrond's place, since he served troll soup.

    "Yummy!" declared everybody but the trolls and orcs, who all wanted bacon -- proving they have good taste. Or, maybe they taste good! (And are possibly less filling.) "Earrings to rule them all!" And onion rings just rule. Bath rings not so much, espeically when Snorky and Drooper started a gnarly jamming session.

    "But I prefer jelly," complained Alice, munching on dried mouse jammed in a jelly jar filled with tweetle beetles, on a wall where an egg battles bottles on a poodle eating noodles.

    "My son John is long gone, over hills of dust and gloom. However, where my dog comes from Trump makes America great again. A land of Milk-Bones and retrograde video gaming," declared FM.

    "No politics, FM!" proclaimed Mossy.

    "Not politics -- sense," said FM.

    "Nonsense only allowed in here!"

    "Okay then," FM shrugged. "Yxboom detonated the Cartesian Coordinate Bomb." And thus, sent Trout flying halfway to Hamtranck, Michigan, where five little monkeys jumped on the bow of a ship until the field mice activated the Omega Thirteen device, changing the ship into a bed which Deep Thought napped on as it solved the complex fluctuating compound interest rates that greatly compound a run-on sentence.

    During this time dozens of woodchucks chucked wood into a furnace, increasing its productivity levels for all time. "The end is near!" cried the strange woodchuck, as he doused the dual duel do-overs in Dover and dove into the diva's dire dryer to doze despairingly until the timer went off.

    Suitably refreshed, he grated twelve drummers drumming. Eleven pipers piping gasped in horror and called the local radio station to order a large pepperoni pizza. Unfortunately, they sent a vegan delivery boy, who burst into the room and loudly proclaimed: "All my pizzas are tofu!"

    "Bacon," declared Rogue, winning the war but losing the battle of the bulge. While this is happening, Cher hides in the shade of a horse of a different color's pigmentation. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the shadow of Mr. Hyde hid in the hide, hunting butterflies using spider webs and fairy droppings for bait.

    With baited breath, Hyde waited tables in the haunted restaurant at the end of the year. The Christmas rush was illusionary -- doubly so at lunchtime buffet tables. The tofu salad, being declared a toxic WMD, was detonated by the vegan Suicide Squad of the Judean chapter of the Judas Priest Kazoo and Vuvuzela Tribute Band. The racket awoke the sleeping tennis ball, while the birdie was par for the course of painful injections into the conversations of those not interested in auto racing.

    "Flat tires don't make for good spare room decorations," Father used to mumble as he buried the elephant in the room behind the molehill in the yard while the marching band paraded pandas playing piccolos and percussion, and not knowing that they were becoming crazy cat ladies, their thoughts turned to gnomes.

    The pixies, naturally, were furious and opened a portal to the basement of Willy Wonka's Vermicious Knid Farm and Bait Shoppe for Snipes of all Ages, Sizes and and Toenail Lengths. The smallest become Oompa Loompas surviving on dark chocolate alone, with their thoughts in Mossy's Tuesday afternoon shipping container of special baby seal clubs for sport and home protection against Mossy brooding and glaring at the two of us whistling innocently.

    As giant peaches began rolling, Melody ran for her life from the swarm of seagulls arrogantly rollerskating on the peach, frustrating the sharks to no end. The Lorax propped up the eco-terrorists of Earth First! by duct-taping rolled-up magazines to their microbusses after drawing moustaches on their statues of Captain Planet.

    "Expelliarmus!" The spell rebounded off Rorschach's journal from October twelfth, 1985, resulting in a gasp from the comedian as he plummets adown Koshtra Pivrarcha, unequalled mountain, obviously, except for Koshtra Belorn.

    Mutually insulted, the mountains duelled via cutting insults and nasty reviews of each other's poetry. Naturally, this resulted in artificial insemination fees skyrocketing, due to inflated egos along with deflating bouncy castles slowly sinking into a morass of self-recriminations and apologetically served maple syrup popped per proper papal proclamation with whimsical white walnut whip cream. All of the caused severe indigeston and acid reflux in the compilation post's editor.
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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  11. #8
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    The insanity ensues with posts #1458-1899!


    Meanwhile, back at the beach, Moondoggie asked Gidget if she would like to join in surfing the worldwide web for the ultimate tsunami of memes. Instead they found Toonami's animes, and were horrified by the gaping plot holes that threatened to become a different net, assaulting a census of senses that incensed the sensei's ents who formed a committee about 20 years ago, and elected that the run-on sentences cease.

    Great was the cessation thereof! That is, until the cesspool decided to process a recess. And off the sentence went, down to the Camptown races. Doo dah, doo dah. All the king's horses and all to Jesus I surrender, all of my days.

    "Great bacon is crispy back like we -- gah, even Speedwagon is afraid!" Easily distracted, Phoebe changed subjects. Then, something shiny came along. "Look, a squirrel!" she shouted, and the shiny squirrel would shimmy shakily to her shanty, causing strange looks from those who look really strange to the staid strangers straggling and stuttering stupid sonnets of sympathetic shellackery.

    Meanwhile, the heir apparent apparently appeared peerless peering alone along the awful offal, disgustedly discussed among discus dissers cussing in protest over dual duelling discus distances, cruel yule mule fuel rules, and other nonsense -- all of which led the inescapable conclusion that vacuum cleaners suck.

    Grumbled the disgruntled housekeeper to the gruntled custodial engineer who used ewes among the yews, "Starting with past-tense verbs, we will educate lemurs, possums, and bacon!" Nodding in agreement, the fake faker's faux foe feebly fretted for fear of the feted fetid feet's feat (fouling fowl wing fuelling fountains).

    At this point, the Knights Who Say "Ni!" demanded a ransom. In protest, the shrubbery went and got a larch from Lurch. Wednesday wasn't pleased. "Thursday was distressed, and Friday just 'wanted the facts, ma'am' (but never actually said that)," replied the raven.

    Having no bananas, Scotty beamed him up, perilously wearing unparalled purloined pearls purposefully purring, "Five per person!"

    Apparently completely unrelated to this, but inexplicably still mentioned by Trump as being a "yuuuuge" card player, the wallpaper grew wallflowers who all lined up to show what appeared to be a borg cube fleet of foot fleeing flea circuses and bearded birds breaking bread. So, they mustered the mustard, mastered the Faster Plaster-Cast Blaster™, and used it to obliterate Baron Barry's barren berry stash, and they ate Barry instead.

    A swarm of killer tomatoes came today from New Braunfuls, and started heading east toward Rio de Jinero, Brazil. Gasp. But Henrietta Hippo intercepted them, and now we have gazpacho -- if you want to scrape it using a mix of seagulls, duct tape and plastic fencing. All of this caused Cher's plastic components to start melting, leaving nothing but a shrill parrot with a wooden wing containing Kirby's bottomless stomach. Inhaling a Russian bug, the parrot cried "Abandon ship!" as Kirby inhaled the ship.

    Not amused, Commander Ramius launched torpedoes at the great white shark named Das Boot, causing Canukistanis to apologize profusely simply because they thought it was "aboot maple syrup prices, eh, bub?" causing Mounties to mount a tempermental team of Clydesdale horses from Clyde's Mount Temple ranch.

    They looked majestic riding away in an old Ford Fairlane with dual exhaust and huge spinning rims within spinning rims like the proverbial wheel within a wheel, and the cherubim flashed a flaming sword to impress all of the ladies and gentlemen nearby, to stop wearing their hair so long and teach them to cook, thus explaining why Chef quit to persue his dream of becoming a Muppet. Not amused, Statler and Waldorf booed from pretending to be ghosts of neanderthal cave-painting critics.

    "Ug! Mammoth milk tastes awful!" complained Fred. Manny scowled since Ellie began a raging charge against the over-charging of service charges and refused to tip the waitress. This led to cow tipping, which caused the bull to grab Fred by the horns.

    The crowd roared its approval as Juan Sanchez MCMCLXXXVII flourished horrid florid floral figurines figuring thicker wicker sticker picker figures, causing MelMak to sigh, exasperated with the clogged print head jammed with homonyms and rhymes and ectoplasmic slmes left there. One thing led to another, and America dropped two nuclear families into Disney World to measure how small the world is compared to the huge, I mean "yuuuge" Donald Trump card.

    "What's a 'politics?'" queried the extremely blond moderator of questionable intelligence who wasn't moderate (or a good orator either), associated with the founding of the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boys (a Beagle Boys subsidiary).

    Scrooge McDuck ducked all questions involving Ducky the medical examiner on who really was the uncle (or "U.N.C.L.E.") and named so by Gibbs who often fibs and calls dibs much to the chagrin of the affordably, adorable yet deplorable basket of fish and chips full of blue bug's blood money that he got by calling dibs. All of this happened according to the schemes of Lex Luthor's substitute Bob Smith, devouring bacon at the moment.

    A monumental and momentous moment later, Hannah triumphed over the sisters while in Montana with Havanna Banana Bandana Banner banter. This naturally forced Hanna-Barbera to invoke the Americana Act, section three, confidential footnote four (just beside the juice stain), reading (translated from the Sumerian):

    "No parking your pyramid in spots designated for camels to avoid passing chariots and swarms of street sweepers riding unicycles, unless accosted by a uniformed milk man carrying gallons of tea and crumpets for crummy dummies who don't appreciate a cruddy, crumbly, curmudgeonly crumbum cuddling while mumbling, tumbling and bumbling."

    Meanwhile, MelMak pulled out his combination dinner set and genuine authentic artificial leather napkins, causing video games to be created where no man has gone to Costco on Labor Day, which is inappropriately named because there are just as many women in labor at any other time of the year, which is why birthdays are celebrated on a monthly basis, but only one birthday per person, so as not to make greeting card companies richer.

    Fortunately, nobody makes unbirthday cards because everyone's too busy celebrating the hookah-smoking caterpillar's unbirthday to even notice the large mushroom on which it sat, and on which you munched on lembas for second breakfast.

    "You know what would improve this?" the debonair rogue asked.

    "Let me guess. Bacon bits?" the caterpillar sighed while he thought of whole strips instead.

    "And crispy, like before the stinkin' pirates started stealing and getting their peg legs stuck in the hole meant for ninjas to see through at the appointed hour for Waldo to finally find himself through self-hypnosis!"

    But he got sidetracked, and found his keys down the storm drain where Killer Croc and his cronies battle The Lizard for control of the dreaded Bacon Despoiler, a slack slacked sad sack backtracking hack lacking the knack to sing "My Sharona" in G minor while being gently lost in your rock and roll parody of Beethoven's radical drum solo during chopsticks roasting on an open fire.

    While chess nuts boasted in open foyers, Jack's frosty attitude could be seen in the way he grated the great gate of Heaven State Park with his mate, the great spaghetti ninja lord, "Cannelloninjitsu" Ozamataz Buckshank MCMXVII (Mrs.) -- whose friends call her "Marge" -- using the self-controlling u&iSkate device (including exploding battery while stocks of huuuuge bamboo-based snacks and coffee-flavoured limpet mines last!)

    While this was happening, the Royal Frog Trampling Institute conspired to contemplate constipating Congressional complacency, coming to conservative conclusions, consequently summoning no less than nine cubic miles of gelatinous hedgehogs in order to persuade the trifle sharks to ally with tiddlywink-playing periwinkle-colored petunias, heirs to the legacy of Harry "Hairy" Harrison's Hare-Brained Heirlooms Incorporated, whose share price recently spiked after its CEO announced it would no longer donate donuts to diligently demure debutantes, discouraging their daily dietary discipline of determined, detrimental denial.

    Then we move to the letter E, encompassing each and every Easter to enter Eastern Europe's epiphanies exciting every ethnic Ethiopian entrant and forcing fraudulent fakirs from fooling French foundry foremen for following fallacious ferrymen feasting flawlessly garnished Georgian goulash, gaining gastronomic heights with hellish hounds howling.

    At this point MelMak cried in horror as his thread burned the roof of the rough alliteration asylum! "Horrors!" he cried. As horrid, hoary old prostitutes prostrated themselves for posterity, cherries chosen from cheerfully chubby cherubs cheekily chastising churlish Czech chaplains chewed a Studebaker rudely.

    "Therefore! (I think!)" declared the stoned lone drone in a monotone phone near God's throne zone and moaned, "My bones! Postpone the pheremones!" The wasps went away, leaving the hornets, African bees and a few horseflies hovering hoovering, moving new things along with old vacuum cleaners which tended to suck greatly.

    Much like all these jokes often find themselves echoing aimlessly, neglecting the deep philosophical truth, hidden in squirrels's biting patterns as described by bipedal mooses, the beginning of their wisdom is knowing their own strength. In numbers is an illusion illustriously alluded to in illustrations, such as "Bob's your uncle." In their tails lies might untapped that could destroy the fine china that grandma collected from the mobsters she terrorized with her Devastating Doilies of Doom™.

    Dick Dastardly didn't drive Muttley to PetSmart because he forgot his store card, missing the sale on Scooby Snacks. Mutley muttered about Russian fashion and how preposterous a tree house made out of cheese would look like if painted using pimentos, plums and pistachios and some polar bear tears. Distracted, Disk Dastardly delightfully decided dodos don't dissolve down to dinosaur DNA, deeming dead dialects definitively destroyed.

    Even elephants empathised with energy entrepreneurs' emphatic eulogy following Fred Flintstone's fumbling failure to fuel ferrous furnaces flatulently gushing gross gasses with gusto gurning grotesquely and grinning, helped by the fascinating, enthralling gaze of Ozymandias to be broken, freeing Rorschach to go play some checkers. Then he decided to paint abstract art others confused for undercooked pizza.

    After procrastination, Sweet Polly Purebred pondered why hippos aren't hip, concluding that the bark of dogwoods are enough to snuff a gruff and split in two a mountain of surplus kibble, engulfing all nine oceans of Mitsubishi in a tidal wave of Gravy Train induced panic attacks, derailing the 9:05 from Paddington Bear's suitcase's marmalade-filled secret compartment which houses no less than Yogi's stolen pic-a-nic baskets that transform into slavering xenomorphs when Boo-Boo- Bear mentions Ranger Smith.

    Distancing himself from the impending Facehuggers as Smith is mentioned, the treehuggers face planted ficus free from frail furry foxes flailing fitfully for fake fakirs following Frodo's fearsome financial fate.

    At this point, danger-prone Daphne dumbly decided to double down her claims regarding Volkswagen poetry which gave the Vogons a chaste faux foe to chase down a pseudo rabbit hole that led to the realm of vampire lawyers and zombie bureaucrats, which is rather redundant when you consider how much worse zombie lawyers and vampire bureaucrats can be under the moonlight when not wearing their standard holy water resistant lime green My Little Pony ties, which were carved from the hides of Swamp Thing's pet alligators.

    All of this forced the Ruminati to stroke their beards with gilded fish bone combs, while the Ruminati chewed over half-baked ketchup-laced aluminum-sauced Neomorph meat served on antique fine china, also used by the Inebriati when intoxicated on plum pudding left to ferment for twenty fortnights in a Jiffy Pop pan, in the process fumigating the tree house of the queen bee's blue bonnet that blew Baloo into the loo, breaking the china in the shop.

    Of course, China immediately retaliated with a sternly-worded letter to Finnish fortune cookie factories to insert passive-aggressive put-downs into their repertoire of passé regressive reports on posse egression resorts, inevitably leading fillies in lead-filled filigree pedigree decrees, fulfilling in degrees which lent lint during Lent loosened lunar lumber load limits on double byte characters sets.

    This in turn scarred scared werebears repairing their lair where six-year-old apple juice kept in new wine skins had caused no end of endless temporary short-lasting eternities to contradict themselves and disappear in mystical mist missed by Miss Mississippi, Missy Mistletoe, mistaking it for Misty Missip's Missouri missiles missing Mr. Miskall's miserly mission to Miskatonic Muggles (AKA "no-majs"), mislabeled as Mystics, misleading Mrs. M into firing off 007, causing giraffes to start necking.

    The hippos took offence, breaking up with their rhino suitors and donned power armour, expecting the rabid rascally rabbits to drop from orbit onto their Tyrannosaurus rex battle steeds armed with Roguetech thermonuclear butter slicers for sale, at the low low price of twenty-nine billion Zimbabwean dollars, and a used napkin painting machine's middle bolt. "Deal," said the Ferengi bartender, forgetting that he didn't have any busted pirate's treasure to negotiate with, since he lost the map he pirated off Fred.

    "Wilma, where my map?!" roared the Ferengi bartender, confused by the sudden appearance of the Rubbles with the Jetsons on the mist hologram that had Rosie O'Donnell as Betty Boop cosplayer Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Bimbo, her boyfriend, juggling geese while yodeling The Star-Spangled Banner in Cantonese, then whistling it in French-Canadian, which differs from standard Canadian in that it owns fifty varieties of white flags tasting of maple syrup and disturbingly runny cheese. "My condolences, about the new compiled post."
    ~ Russell ("MelMak")

    "[Sing] and [make] melody in your heart to the Lord." -- Ephesians 5:19b

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  12. Amen Ben Zwycky amen'd this post.

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