Farewell Bandecoot; report from Brisbane

[sylas]

{Tim} and I were TheologyWeb representatives at Bandecoot's funeral. This is my report of the day.

As background; many have asked what happened. Bandecoot – Julian Andrew Bentley – died very suddenly, at home in the evening, from an embolism – a blood clot. His leg had been a bit painful and swollen for a day or two, and apparently a clot broke loose from somewhere in there, and hit his heart. It was "thrombosis"; the same thing you can get from sitting too long on a long plane flight. His health had not been great, but this was not expected.

Before the funeral I printed out the "condolences" thread – all of it right up to message #43 which is still the last message in the thread as I look today. I printed it two posts to a page, using the "Garden" skin, and some editing of the image files to get a nice effect for printing. I also made up a header page, showing the picture we have of Bandecoot (taken during a recent trip to England) and some of his black helicopters like little bees in with the TheologyWeb flowers from the garden skin. Here is the header page:

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The whole printed thread – 23 pages – made up a little booklet, which I placed in a small binder with a clear cover to give to Kara.

I also ordered flowers. For this, I found a little florist near where I am staying in Brisbane, run by a young man with a real passion for arrangements. I explained the whole situation, and picked out a few blooms and colors. We went with lo-scent flowers (as I think Kara might have some allergies) and slightly non-traditional colours and arrangements, as I felt was the right thing for a guy like Bandecoot. Then I left it in his hands to put the final arrangement together. I was delighted with what they came up with: here is the end result.

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Of course, we had much more money available than was needed; so the remainder we put as a check to Kara, to go with a card.

Tim and I were a bit late getting away. We picked up the flowers, and then hit bad traffic on the freeway. While Tim negotiated the traffic, I got on the mobile to call ahead and tell them we were coming. Our contact was Craig Minns… and as it turns out he was in the same position; not far ahead of us on the road. So we had hopes they would wait for us.

They did start late. As Tim and I pulled into the car park we could hear the director just starting with a welcome to those who had come. We dashed up, Tim gave the flowers to one of the flunkeys there to help run the event, and we slid into a seat just in time.

This actually worked well; because the flowers were then taken to the front, and placed on top of the coffin, that had been standing alone at the front. There was very little else in the way of flowers at the chapel; so I was glad it worked out thus.

The service was in a crematorium south of Brisbane, in a pleasant Australian bush setting. The funeral director called himself an "irreverend reverend". It was not a religious service; although the chapel did have a large plain cross at the front, forming the frame of the window.

[attachment=3] From inside. Taken after the service, and after flowers were removed.
[attachment=4] From outside
[attachment=5] The grounds

For the service, the director spoke mostly about Andrew. He had all the details from Kara and others in the family. He mostly spoke very well, and Bandecoot was certainly recognizable. He did speak briefly of the hope for a life to come; but it was not a big theme.

After speaking, he then called on some of Andrew's friends to say a few words.

The first was Craig Minns. Craig was clearly finding it hard to hold things together, but he did a good job. He did point out that Andrew was quite positive this life was all the life he had, and that he had no expectation of anything else hereafter; and said a bit about what Andrew did with that life. And he said how much he missed him, already.

Then Aaron spoke; another friend of both Craig and Andrew.

Finally, I also was able to get up and say a few words. I spoke about how many people there were all over the world who thinking of Andrew at the moment; and also of his family and Kara especially. I backed up Craig's comment about Andrew's belief that this was the only life; but then noted how active he was on Christian forums and how well loved he was there. I tried to say that there were people of all kinds of beliefs, all sharing the memory of Andrew tonight; though the way it came out I think I basically said that Andrew was a guy who mingled with lots of different kinds of people.

I teased him a bit; I told the story of how I mistook him at first for a panhandler; but then how the depth and breadth of our conversations after that told another story. I said that his byline on TheologyWeb was "personifying hate" – and that none of us believed it. This was a story that a lot of people seemed to recognize as characteristic of his dark humour, and his deep humanity.

After we had all spoken, they played Pink Floyd, singing "Wish you were here". Then, after a time of silence, we left the chapel.

Kara was there, with her mum and her sister, and Andrew's father, and some others I didn't know. There were also quite a number of friends from the University, where Andrew worked and were he was also studying for a Bachelor degree in classics, I think. All up, I guess about twenty five people.

Tim and I gave Kara the booklet, and she was really blown away by that. Lots of people looked through it, and they were very impressed. It was well known that Andrew was active on the internet, but the booklet really brought that to life for people, letting them see the impact he had.

We had not had time to put together a card properly; but that was okay because everyone was invited back for refreshments to Kara and Andrew's home. Tim and I joined in. With Kara's permission, I was able to get a few shots. For example; this is where Bandecoot wrote his posts:

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Here is Kara, with her mum.

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While we were there, Tim and I were able to skulk off and finish up the card. We told Kara that we could have drowned the place in flowers with all the incredible response; but that everyone thought it was best to get one nice arrangement, and then present the remainder of the money raised to her directly, as a concrete sign of our concern. She was very happy to read about this, and accepted it in the spirit it was given.

The booklet was on a table… here is Aaron, flipping through.

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We were there for quite a while, and had a good chance to talk to a few folks. I had a chat to both Kara's mother and Bandecoot's father. When we left, everything seemed very well in hand. It was a mild summer night; and Kara and a whole lot of her girlfriends, mostly from the Uni, had settled in for the evening with a good set of supplies, on the verandah of their home. I commented that she seemed well looked after as I left, and a couple of people swiftly called out that they'd be sure to look after her. So I believe Kara is in very good hands, with friends who care about her and family all about. She seemed to be coping very well.

Here they all are, getting ready for what looks like a long session:

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Tim and I then went out by ourselves, to think over the events of the day; to toast Bandecoot, to find out a bit about each other, and to say lots of rude things about all the rest of you out there in web-land.

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Thanks so much for all you have done. Speaking for myself, I have been amazed at the response to Bandecoot; and I am sure many others have been as well. It was a great privilege to be able to go on behalf of all of you, and farewell Bandecoot, and pass on your love and concern to those dear to him, especially Kara; but also a lot of other folks we've not known directly.

Cheers -- Sylas

[Johnny MacManky]

Sylas, Tim, thank you so much.

[Meh_Gerbil]

Nice work sylas and tim.
The pics are appreciated.

[SpinyNorman]

Tim and Sylas,

I am sure I can echo many thoughts of folks who will read this in thanking you for all you did. I feel our little cyber community was most faithfully and fully represented.

Though distance prevented us from being a part, your thoughtful words, along with the beautiful pictures have, made me feel a part of that.

Thank you.

Brian
()

[Teallaura]

Thanks guys...

[Rusty T]

Wow. thanks for the post.

[Gideon Brown]

[semmie]

thanks, guys.

[Xmansmommy]

Sylas, Tim, I thank both of you for going and being the voice for all of us who could not be there personally. What a fitting song they played in remembrance of him. I was pleased to hear that the beautiful flower arrangement was placed on top of his coffin. That worked out perfectly. I thank all of you guys too, the TWeb community, for coming together to show love and compassion for Andrew's family. I miss him terribly already but I have wonderful memories that I will always cherish. Who could ask for anything more?

[mossrose]

As the others have said, thank you both for representing us all so well.

[NeilUnreal]

Thanks to both of you; we could not have been better represented.

-Neil

[Dee Dee Warren]

Sylas, I have read through your post multiple times now and looked at the pictures. Thank you so very much. It was nice to be able to put a face to Kara, and yes it seemed like she had a great bunch of gals to stay the night with her. I am very glad that she accepted our gift, and I know that booklet you made for her will be precious. Women are softies for stuff like that, even wannabe fiesty warrior princesses.

It is so comforting to know you and Tim were able to be there. It just would have been wrong if someone from this community could not have been.

[DesertBerean]

Beautiful. I had forgot it would be summer down under.

I'm pleased that the family liked your booklet. It is a work of art and indeed a labor of love.

Thanks sylas.

[Trout]

Thanks . . . I very much enjoyed your story. I really like the last picture in the set, it made me laugh.

[Jawa Man]

That was awesome, Silas and Tim.