Open Letter to God

[Storico]

A note to anyone: as a person posting on this website, I know you're welcome to your opinion. And anyone who wants to express an opinion.. please do so. Your comments are welcome, so feel free to talk. But please do so only if you think it'll really help. I don't want to be talked out of this and I don't want to be rationalized or scientized or doubt-ized out of this. This is an open letter to someone I haven't spoken with in a long time. Thanks for taking it for what it is.


Dear God,

I'm really, really rusty at this. That's the reason I'm writing this in public, "out loud". I'd like a little help from other humans figuring this one out, and I'm sure you won't mind. This is exactly what I'd say to you, if I could, and it might not be like most prayers you get. It's an open address from someone who used to know you. There was a time when I did. When reading the Bible was a joy to me. When I wasn't saddled with doubt. When I didn't figure everything out for myself. Don't get me wrong -- I like thinking for myself, and I ALWAYS have... but God, sometimes having you to think of wasn't bad at all. Sometimes being guided by you was so welcomed.

I've been thinking of you lately. I had myself completely and utterly convinced that there was no good evidence for your existence, and a lot of it was emotional sentimental drivel that formed because who I thought you were wasn't adding up with who I wanted to be. And I still don't know for sure if you're REALLY there. But if you're there, I think I'll find you eventually. I want to. Even if it takes a little time to really find you. But you can't miss something that doesn't exist. If that's the case, then somewhere, you must exist. Why else would I miss you? I left you when I felt that religion had hidden and obscured you so completely that it has dis-invented you. And maybe it had. I left you when I thought you'd left us. Maybe it was only me leaving, and I never noticed. I left when I felt like I'd gotten hit by a spiritual train, but it was my fault for not seeing it coming head-on, not yours.

I still don't know where you were when the pain hit, but I didn't let you be my rock. I still don't know how to navigate myself academically around some of the ideas about you, but.. I'm willing to try. I don't know how to make a doubting brain doubt less, but I can start with my heart and we can go from there..

Please?

I want to know if you're there. I get the feeling you've tried to show me a hundred, even a thousand, little times. All those 'coincidences' weren't coincidences. And yet, I don't know my way back. The bible doesn't even tell me the way back. It just says not to stray. But I strayed and came back, it must have been more times than I could count. Giving up and staying given up was relieving for a while, but here I am, once again... I don't even want it to be about emotions. I'm sick of my feelings. They don't tell me too much of anything real. They're WHY everything's subjective for me. Morality. Meaning. I'm sick of it. I want something that lasts. I want you. I'm just scared that I'll let go again. I've done it before. And before. And before. The initial enthusiasm wears off and I slip. Again, and again, and again. You must be tired of it, if you're there.

So this is my open letter to you. I don't know why you'd want me with you, but I know why I want me with you. Me with you would be amazing. I wish I could know you were there. I wish I could just 'take on faith' what so many people do. I wish I could believe the bible. So many others can. I'm sure I've even driven my co-Twebbers here nuts sometimes with my questions, my crazy examples and my wavering around... but somehow I still feel understood here and it's been enough to bring about this letter.

I'll close for now. There's nothing else to say, except please. Being with you seems like too much to hope for, almost, even if it's what I want more than anything. Please point me to HOW...

Thank you.

[mossrose]

I don't believe that any of us are here at Tweb by accident. I don't believe in coincidences.

I believe that we are all of us here for a reason.......for some of us that is to minister to others. Some of us are searching for something......maybe God.

You are here for a reason, sweetie.

I will be praying for you.

[xtreem5150ahm]

I want to know if you're there. I get the feeling you've tried to show me a hundred, even a thousand, little times. All those 'coincidences' weren't coincidences. And yet, I don't know my way back. The bible doesn't even tell me the way back. It just says not to stray. But I strayed and came back, it must have been more times than I could count. Giving up and staying given up was relieving for a while, but here I am, once again... I don't even want it to be about emotions. I'm sick of my feelings. They don't tell me too much of anything real. They're WHY everything's subjective for me. Morality. Meaning. I'm sick of it. I want something that lasts. I want you. I'm just scared that I'll let go again. I've done it before. And before. And before. The initial enthusiasm wears off and I slip. Again, and again, and again. You must be tired of it, if you're there.

Storico,

May God Bless you and keep you.


Joh 6:39 And this is the Father's will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.
Joh 6:40 And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.


God Bless,
johnny

[docjam]

Storico,

my prayers are with you. I agree with Mossy in that I don't believe any of us are here by accident. For what it's worth, if you want to add me to AIM or MSN and chat about anything any time, feel free to do so. I'd love to talk things out, share, pray and do whatever or anything that'll help you along in your walk. There's always a time in almost all Christians lives that they don't feel God as strongly as they once did, they're not as energized or excited about reading His word, they feel like they get nothin out of church, reading, fellowshipping and so on, but be faithful to God and He'll be faithful to you. He will pull you through this and He will once again show Himself to you, probably in a way moreso than you've felt His presence before. Stay faithful and stay patient. In the mean time, my prayers are with you and my door is open. (as I'm sure are a lot of other member's here at Tweb). God bless and keep you

jojo

[Storico]

Mossy, Johnny and Jojo, thank you.

[darby]

I can start with my heart and we can go from there

Always where it starts! Apologetics, science, commentaries, debate, doctrine etc. are all important...but in the end, God wants your HEART.

I don't know why you'd want me with you

Because He loves you! He is big enough to deal with your doubts and insecurities. The Bible says He does not despise a broken and contrite spirit.

God bless you, and thank you for your honesty and vulnerability--I'm sure it's difficult on a board of "know-it-alls," and it is refreshing!

[ApologiaPhoenix]

Don't think you're a bother to anyone here for asking questions. We appreciate it.

However, on a similar note, I do invite you to be a bother to Mossy, Jardin, Teal, RumtumPotter, etc.

[Sparko]

Storico, I don't think you need to worry about how to get "back" - Jesus will not let you go anywhere. If you belonged to him at one time, you still do, even if you have wandered a bit. Remember he will seek his lost sheep. You just need to open your heart and mind and let him back in. Sometimes we can't KNOW everythign for a fact, but we can have faith. Faith is a decision of the will as much as of the heart. Choose Jesus. Just choose him. Let him do the rest.

Matthew 18: 12"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.

John 10:27My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. 30I and the Father are one."

My prayers are with you.

[Storico]

Darby - thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate them!

Nick - Oh, heck yes. As soon as they're least suspecting, allll of them will have a Storico sneak up from behind...

Sparko - thanks for reminding me of those verses. As someone who put up a lot of spiritual walls for many different reasons, it was easy for me to think "that's it, I'm not God's" -- but according to the gospels, if we ever were, we still are... good reminder.. I'll be thinking about that..

[Dee Dee Warren]

Storico, I will be praying for you.

[Storico]

Thank you, ALL of you, for the prayers!

God's doing something in my mind and I can feel it. See my blog for a description... but I woke up this morning believing he was there. And to have that happen to ME is something really, really different! I'm excited. WOW.

[mossrose]

[SpinyNorman]

Thank you, ALL of you, for the prayers!

God's doing something in my mind and I can feel it. See my blog for a description... but I woke up this morning believing he was there. And to have that happen to ME is something really, really different! I'm excited. WOW.

As I commented in your blog, I think God gets disappointed with us when we STOP asking questions.

I will remember you in my prayers as you continue your quest.

Thanks so much for sharing it with us here.

I'm glad you are here!

[Sparko]

great! what a wonderful Christmas present for all of us!

[sc_q_jayce]

great! what a wonderful Christmas present for all of us!

:) Indeed.