25 cents
The Theology Times

Mysterious Disappearance of Skeptic Leaves Authorities Baffled.
Shadow Man Suspected.

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Artist representation of chilling events

REC ROOM, THEOLOGYWEB.COM --- A WINDOW WAS shattered, there was momentary commotion, and then perfect silence. Frightened neighbors warily went to investigate the sound that came from the house of skeptic John POWELL and saw a few shards of broken glass and a red scarf. POWELL was missing.

Police reports are sketchy and there are no reported eyewitnesses to the events but rumors have already engulfed the affected neighborhood. The only apparent clue to the kidnapping of the skeptic was a single red scarf. A scarf, locals say, that could only belong to one man.

Police Chief Liebowitz was quick to quell the rumors during his press conference held the following day. "There are no official suspects in this crime and we are certainly not going to prosecute a myth. A fairy tale. This man, this Master of Shadows is nothing but an old wive's tale. No such vigilante exists and it would behoove all of us not to jump to conclusions."

Chief Liebowitz's words weren't enough to persuade the local populace.

"All I know is," said Michelle, local schoolteacher and town idol, "POWELL was nothing but a big thorn in the side of this Shadowmaster, what with his ECREE and all. And now? He's just gone. I wasn't raised to believe in coincidences."

This was a sentiment expressed by the majority of the town's denizens, including Michelle's favorite and national treasure, Eru Iluvatar.

"First of all, the Shadowloser exists. There is no doubt. I've butted heads with this creature on numerous occasions. And second of all, what about this red scarf? It's an exact match of the scarf that I saw Shadowloser wearing. What are the police trying to hide?"

Authorities did not respond to our request to comment on the scarf.

John POWELL was a skeptic on the Theologyweb forums, often seen preluding his comments with the useless header "POWELL", all in capital letters, as if locals were too stupid to realize who was talking. Eyewitness testimony agrees that POWELL was a fan of the old "ECREE" defense and used it often against the masked man of shadow. Some experts also agree that if it really was this Shadowmaster that did the kidnapping, it might have been motivated from frustration.

"Think about it," said expert Cotton McKneeHigh, brother of famed Sockologist Argyle McKneeHigh. "How long can you expect a person to put up with that old canard before he goes ballistic? I probably wouldn't last a day. Shadowmaster put up with it for months!"

Nevertheless, public opinion isn't unanimous.

"I don't believe it for a second," reported Freez "Susan" Bee. "Shadowloser wouldn't even know how to tie his own shoes if he didn't have paid typists to do it for him. Why should we believe that he pulled off a near perfect crime? We shouldn't!"

Police authorities and FBI have promised a full investigation.

Is this where I sign up for the Shadowmaster fan club?

I checked out a Shadow movie from the local library. To my immense disappointment it was cracked and I could not watch it. So sad.

Originally posted by The Moonshield

Is this where I sign up for the Shadowmaster fan club?

Close, but this is not horseshoes.

Originally posted by The Moonshield

Is this where I sign up for the Shadowmaster fan club?

"First of all, the Shadowloser exists.

There is no such proof of this Shawdowmasters existence. Extraordinary claims need extraordinary evidence. He is merely the figment of the imagination, a cruel hoax played on the ignorant masses, created by a false prophet in order to infect their minds and thereby become the Shadow-Master of this world. My guess is that POWELL was on to this sham and was about to expose the truth behind the scam whereby the false prophet had his minions stone him to death and thrown into a fiery pit in order to obliterate the evidence against him. The red scarf was probably left behind purposely, as a warning to other skeptics who dare to expose the fictitious tales of a Shadowmaster.

fictitious or not please don't expose the Shadowmaster's tale.

Originally posted by Eru

Michelle, local schoolteacher and town idol

There He Is! Get 'em!

Nonsense lurks in the brains of doofuses

Someone call the cops! Does anybody have a length of rope?!

Will someone please think of the children?!

I saw the thread title and thought it was an autobiography.