ddfattig
March 31st 2009, 02:11 AM
This was published in the Whittenberg Door so I can prove I wrote it. It is based on Lewis SCEW TAPE LETTERS so here's hoping I don't get accused of plagerism. My dear tasty Wormwood,
Though 60 years have passed since I last had the delicious pleasure of your company, the object of your inattention having passed on to that glory that is terror for us, it is once again my responsibility to educate you on recent developments of our undersecretary of tactical theory. 60 years is 10 short of what the enemy has allotted the vermin on which we feed, but it is but a moment to those who have eternal perspective, and I am feeling a bit peckish. Let's hope your new case is more successful than your last.
We decided not to risk someone we already had with one foot in hell and the other foot on a banana peel because your last case was lost to us. Your new case is already on the side of the enemy. All is not lost because he is a blind leader of blind sheep and much can be done to diminish his effectiveness and that of his flock. We have laid the foundation of sand. It is your job to see that only stubble is built on it.
He is a televangelist named Bob. The sand foundation we have laid is pride, specifically we have convinced him that he has a special line of communication to the enemy. That he is somehow "anointed." That way we can avoid him getting much of anything useful from the war manuel they call the "Bible" because he will be concentrating on feelings and subjective experience.
The undersecretary of tactical theory has come up with a devilishly simple plan. By using a handful of verses from the war manuel, we can get them to ignore the rest. We coined the term "spiritual warfare" (mui macho, I think) to distract them from spiritual discipline, which is far more dangerous. We use the words of the enemy like in Mark 9. Let him remember only that it was in Jesus name that your comrades were cast out, lest he get the point of the story. That way he will think our adversary can be forced to do something by a magical incantation thus killing two birds with one stone. He really hates magic. Humans like to feel powerful and that they know something others don't. Use that. Convince him that where it says "He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives," that it is referring to demonic possession or oppression or something. That way his followers, and they are legion, will concentrate on casting out demons while the real demons can work on their pride at knowing how to cast out demons that are not there. That is, after all, the only way we can hold captive those that belong to Jesus. By blinding them to the Living Word and holding them captive in sin. A side benefit is that while they are shouting at demons (what makes them think we are hard of hearing?) they will be ignoring the real souls Jesus was talking about. Those souls that we will soon be feasting on, captive in sin, ignorant of His love for them because nobody told them, and His servants languishing in a hundred thousand prisons scattered across this pathetic little globe He loves so much.
Your uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
I am surprised at your aversion to use the Bible. I can understand your hesitation considering your last debacle but we have a long and ignoble past using it. Our father below used it when he was tempting Jesus. We are researching why it didn't work. We have had so much success with it elsewhere. From Gnostics to Jim Jones and The People's Temple or Jehovah's Witlessness; there are millions of souls to feed on.
Your ravenous uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
Very glad to see you took my excellent advice about using the Bible. Paul's letter to Ephesus was a good choice. I liked the way you used "we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places," to distract him to from the real point of the text, spiritual discipline. You have him concentrating on casting out demons rather than teaching about faith, truth, living right and preaching the bad news. (Good for them makes it very bad for us.) Nice work on the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." I can't believe he actually stood up in his church, swinging his Bible, trying to give demons paper cuts.
Affectionately yours,
Screwtape
My favorite nephew Wormwood,
Excellent misdirection on the 1 kings text. Jezebel spirit! If I had a body like he sometimes says I do, I would be rolling on the floor laughing. Good idea having him charge $40 to learn more about the Jezebel spirit. It will divert funds that could be used for the poor or worse yet, evangelism. Could I make a suggestion? Convince him to offer a course, call it,,, um, "personal coaching." Make it cost $199 a week.
Your favorite uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
I am surprised at your enthusiasm over the impoverishing of a few of his flock. The enemy loves the poor all the more fiercely, and that is very dangerous to us. Remember the words of our enemy, "Truly, I say to you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." "Better rich than poor," our father below is always telling me. The rich think they have all they need by their own hand. They don't realize their spiritual poverty or that the enemy actually owns everything. They are mere stewards and will soon be audited.
Did you tell them using the Bible was my idea?
Screwtape
My dear Wormwood,
Good work on Matthew 16: 22. You are starting to show promise. Convincing him that because Peter said "God forbid, Lord! This shall never happen to you" and Jesus responded "Get behind me, Satan" means that Peter was demon oppressed, could not have been done without the groundwork others have laid. So don't get cocky. He must have missed the rest of the verse: "for you are not on the side of God, but of men." What irony that just a moment before in the conversation Peter was not demon oppressed where he gets the proof text for binding demons from "whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Keep up the tunnel vision he has on the Bible. If he ever looks at context you could lose what we have gained. Satan forbid that he ever takes a whole biblical view.
With much affection,
Screwtape
My dear nephew Wormwood,
So glad to see you're taking my advice so readily. Even down to the price I suggested. Did you tell our Father below that it was my idea? Now you have Bob hooked on greed. He will be much more useless to the enemy if you turn greed for money into greed for power and fame. He will be doing more for us than any of the satanists he talks about. He is already blaming things on us that we had nothing to do with. Casting out the spirit of lust when it is really in the heart of the christian that the problem lies. They are so myopic that they don't see what James said at the beginning of his book. "But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire."
Really love how you had him hire a ghost writer for his book and then take the credit (and money) for her work. Work on his wanting fame and power. Teach him to think that lies are just stretching the truth and that it is worth it because his ministry will prosper and he will be able to help more people. It worked well on Benny Hinn and hundreds like him. We don't yet know why it didn't work on Billy Graham, but think it had to do with his abysmal lack of self love.
Your dear uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
I am very disappointed that you didn't tell Our Father Below that all of your brilliant work was based on my ideas. If you are planing to take credit for it, my advice is don't. Let me remind you you that my advice has been spot on for this case.
With regret,
Screwtape
Wormwood proposes a toast,
My dear shades demons and fallen angels, we regret the unfortunate, yet tasty, fall of my dear uncle Screwtape. His bungling advice was overcome by my brilliant handling of the case which has led to this scrumptious feast laid before us now. We feast not on the souls of great sinners, nor on the abundance of the bland billions of those who have rejected the One we hate. We feast on the deception of millions, though lost to the enemy, have diminished capacity to conduct warfare against us because of their lust to be someone powerful. My pioneering use of pride and the lust for knowing something everybody else does not, led my client to desire power rather than discipline. That led to lust for adoration. Adoration requires lying. It brought him wealth which he has use to lead thousands to the same lusts. Many of them have gone down that same road of self deception. Lying first to themselves till they almost believe it. Then to others so it propagates like the Spanish Influenza. What delicious irony that by conducting "spiritual warfare" they are hindered in fighting us. Indeed, not a few have helped our cause more than many we have firmly on our side. I give you Spiritual Warfare.
Though 60 years have passed since I last had the delicious pleasure of your company, the object of your inattention having passed on to that glory that is terror for us, it is once again my responsibility to educate you on recent developments of our undersecretary of tactical theory. 60 years is 10 short of what the enemy has allotted the vermin on which we feed, but it is but a moment to those who have eternal perspective, and I am feeling a bit peckish. Let's hope your new case is more successful than your last.
We decided not to risk someone we already had with one foot in hell and the other foot on a banana peel because your last case was lost to us. Your new case is already on the side of the enemy. All is not lost because he is a blind leader of blind sheep and much can be done to diminish his effectiveness and that of his flock. We have laid the foundation of sand. It is your job to see that only stubble is built on it.
He is a televangelist named Bob. The sand foundation we have laid is pride, specifically we have convinced him that he has a special line of communication to the enemy. That he is somehow "anointed." That way we can avoid him getting much of anything useful from the war manuel they call the "Bible" because he will be concentrating on feelings and subjective experience.
The undersecretary of tactical theory has come up with a devilishly simple plan. By using a handful of verses from the war manuel, we can get them to ignore the rest. We coined the term "spiritual warfare" (mui macho, I think) to distract them from spiritual discipline, which is far more dangerous. We use the words of the enemy like in Mark 9. Let him remember only that it was in Jesus name that your comrades were cast out, lest he get the point of the story. That way he will think our adversary can be forced to do something by a magical incantation thus killing two birds with one stone. He really hates magic. Humans like to feel powerful and that they know something others don't. Use that. Convince him that where it says "He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives," that it is referring to demonic possession or oppression or something. That way his followers, and they are legion, will concentrate on casting out demons while the real demons can work on their pride at knowing how to cast out demons that are not there. That is, after all, the only way we can hold captive those that belong to Jesus. By blinding them to the Living Word and holding them captive in sin. A side benefit is that while they are shouting at demons (what makes them think we are hard of hearing?) they will be ignoring the real souls Jesus was talking about. Those souls that we will soon be feasting on, captive in sin, ignorant of His love for them because nobody told them, and His servants languishing in a hundred thousand prisons scattered across this pathetic little globe He loves so much.
Your uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
I am surprised at your aversion to use the Bible. I can understand your hesitation considering your last debacle but we have a long and ignoble past using it. Our father below used it when he was tempting Jesus. We are researching why it didn't work. We have had so much success with it elsewhere. From Gnostics to Jim Jones and The People's Temple or Jehovah's Witlessness; there are millions of souls to feed on.
Your ravenous uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
Very glad to see you took my excellent advice about using the Bible. Paul's letter to Ephesus was a good choice. I liked the way you used "we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places," to distract him to from the real point of the text, spiritual discipline. You have him concentrating on casting out demons rather than teaching about faith, truth, living right and preaching the bad news. (Good for them makes it very bad for us.) Nice work on the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." I can't believe he actually stood up in his church, swinging his Bible, trying to give demons paper cuts.
Affectionately yours,
Screwtape
My favorite nephew Wormwood,
Excellent misdirection on the 1 kings text. Jezebel spirit! If I had a body like he sometimes says I do, I would be rolling on the floor laughing. Good idea having him charge $40 to learn more about the Jezebel spirit. It will divert funds that could be used for the poor or worse yet, evangelism. Could I make a suggestion? Convince him to offer a course, call it,,, um, "personal coaching." Make it cost $199 a week.
Your favorite uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
I am surprised at your enthusiasm over the impoverishing of a few of his flock. The enemy loves the poor all the more fiercely, and that is very dangerous to us. Remember the words of our enemy, "Truly, I say to you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." "Better rich than poor," our father below is always telling me. The rich think they have all they need by their own hand. They don't realize their spiritual poverty or that the enemy actually owns everything. They are mere stewards and will soon be audited.
Did you tell them using the Bible was my idea?
Screwtape
My dear Wormwood,
Good work on Matthew 16: 22. You are starting to show promise. Convincing him that because Peter said "God forbid, Lord! This shall never happen to you" and Jesus responded "Get behind me, Satan" means that Peter was demon oppressed, could not have been done without the groundwork others have laid. So don't get cocky. He must have missed the rest of the verse: "for you are not on the side of God, but of men." What irony that just a moment before in the conversation Peter was not demon oppressed where he gets the proof text for binding demons from "whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." Keep up the tunnel vision he has on the Bible. If he ever looks at context you could lose what we have gained. Satan forbid that he ever takes a whole biblical view.
With much affection,
Screwtape
My dear nephew Wormwood,
So glad to see you're taking my advice so readily. Even down to the price I suggested. Did you tell our Father below that it was my idea? Now you have Bob hooked on greed. He will be much more useless to the enemy if you turn greed for money into greed for power and fame. He will be doing more for us than any of the satanists he talks about. He is already blaming things on us that we had nothing to do with. Casting out the spirit of lust when it is really in the heart of the christian that the problem lies. They are so myopic that they don't see what James said at the beginning of his book. "But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire."
Really love how you had him hire a ghost writer for his book and then take the credit (and money) for her work. Work on his wanting fame and power. Teach him to think that lies are just stretching the truth and that it is worth it because his ministry will prosper and he will be able to help more people. It worked well on Benny Hinn and hundreds like him. We don't yet know why it didn't work on Billy Graham, but think it had to do with his abysmal lack of self love.
Your dear uncle,
Screwtape
Wormwood,
I am very disappointed that you didn't tell Our Father Below that all of your brilliant work was based on my ideas. If you are planing to take credit for it, my advice is don't. Let me remind you you that my advice has been spot on for this case.
With regret,
Screwtape
Wormwood proposes a toast,
My dear shades demons and fallen angels, we regret the unfortunate, yet tasty, fall of my dear uncle Screwtape. His bungling advice was overcome by my brilliant handling of the case which has led to this scrumptious feast laid before us now. We feast not on the souls of great sinners, nor on the abundance of the bland billions of those who have rejected the One we hate. We feast on the deception of millions, though lost to the enemy, have diminished capacity to conduct warfare against us because of their lust to be someone powerful. My pioneering use of pride and the lust for knowing something everybody else does not, led my client to desire power rather than discipline. That led to lust for adoration. Adoration requires lying. It brought him wealth which he has use to lead thousands to the same lusts. Many of them have gone down that same road of self deception. Lying first to themselves till they almost believe it. Then to others so it propagates like the Spanish Influenza. What delicious irony that by conducting "spiritual warfare" they are hindered in fighting us. Indeed, not a few have helped our cause more than many we have firmly on our side. I give you Spiritual Warfare.