Timothy Leary
April 8th 2004, 02:25 PM
Gibson's Father Convinces Jews To Give Up World Control
by Dan Barash
March 25, 2004
Bowing to intense pressure from Mel Gibson's father, Jews
announced today that they would no longer control the world. In a press
release, Jews stated, "Although we have thoroughly enjoyed the
challenges of world domination for the last 300 years, we feel it's time
for gentiles to take control of their own affairs. We plan to spend more
time with our families and pursue other interests."
Hutton Gibson stated he was pleased with the announcement, but
expressed concern he was losing a scapegoat for all of his problems. He
said he would be launching a search for a new minority group to
demonize.
Many Jews expressed relief that they could give up burdensome
responsibilities. Retired accountant Jerry Friedman, who controls all
media in Montana, said, "I would just as well let the citizens of
Montana manage their own TV and newspapers. Don't get me wrong, Montana
is a fine state, but it gets awfully cold, and there's nowhere to get a
good bagel."
Attorney Allen Franks said he's glad he no longer has to manage
Bulgarian monetary policy. "It was getting to be quite a hassle," he
said. "I already have a full time job and can't even balance my own
checkbook, let alone control the finances of an entire nation."
Homemaker Judith Levine said she would "...miss the hustle and
bustle of setting the international price for magnesium every day. But
my son is about to be Bar Mitzvah'd, and oy! Such a party we're gonna
have you wouldn't believe!"
Hollywood producer Sidney Greenbaum was pessimistic about the
announcement. "Do you really think goyim know how to make movies?" he
asked. "They'll all end up being high budget, technicolor snuff flicks
if you leave things up to Mel and his kind."
Comedy experts expressed concern that the business would suffer
if Jews suddenly withdrew. According to one insider, "Take away all the
Jewish comics and writers, and all you have left is Carrot Top. That's
not a world I want to live in."
A potluck dinner in honor of Jews' contributions to mankind will
be held at the Hoboken Holiday Inn on April 3. All gentiles are welcome
to attend. Participants will be encouraged to share an offensive Jewish
joke.
by Dan Barash
March 25, 2004
Bowing to intense pressure from Mel Gibson's father, Jews
announced today that they would no longer control the world. In a press
release, Jews stated, "Although we have thoroughly enjoyed the
challenges of world domination for the last 300 years, we feel it's time
for gentiles to take control of their own affairs. We plan to spend more
time with our families and pursue other interests."
Hutton Gibson stated he was pleased with the announcement, but
expressed concern he was losing a scapegoat for all of his problems. He
said he would be launching a search for a new minority group to
demonize.
Many Jews expressed relief that they could give up burdensome
responsibilities. Retired accountant Jerry Friedman, who controls all
media in Montana, said, "I would just as well let the citizens of
Montana manage their own TV and newspapers. Don't get me wrong, Montana
is a fine state, but it gets awfully cold, and there's nowhere to get a
good bagel."
Attorney Allen Franks said he's glad he no longer has to manage
Bulgarian monetary policy. "It was getting to be quite a hassle," he
said. "I already have a full time job and can't even balance my own
checkbook, let alone control the finances of an entire nation."
Homemaker Judith Levine said she would "...miss the hustle and
bustle of setting the international price for magnesium every day. But
my son is about to be Bar Mitzvah'd, and oy! Such a party we're gonna
have you wouldn't believe!"
Hollywood producer Sidney Greenbaum was pessimistic about the
announcement. "Do you really think goyim know how to make movies?" he
asked. "They'll all end up being high budget, technicolor snuff flicks
if you leave things up to Mel and his kind."
Comedy experts expressed concern that the business would suffer
if Jews suddenly withdrew. According to one insider, "Take away all the
Jewish comics and writers, and all you have left is Carrot Top. That's
not a world I want to live in."
A potluck dinner in honor of Jews' contributions to mankind will
be held at the Hoboken Holiday Inn on April 3. All gentiles are welcome
to attend. Participants will be encouraged to share an offensive Jewish
joke.