Toby's Spam Thread

[jpholding]

Hello. This is Toby. While Daddy is making a sandwich or otherwise busy, I will pop in here at TWeb and tell you what I am doing.

I live the life of a dog. Right now I am in my favorite hiding place under the end table in the den. I feel like a little wolf in his cave. Woof!

Oops, Daddy is coming back. I'll be back later!

[yxboom]

:spam: WTG Toby. Be sure not to leave any squishies or piddle on the keyboard that may hinder your ploy of Spam domination on TWeb.

[Em7add11]

Wow, JP is already leading a spam discussion. He'll be making a run for #1 poster any day now. :bunny:

[$cirisme]

Toby, you are a smart dog! :teeth:

[jpholding]

Cirisme, thank you. Daddy says I am a smart doggie too. I can beat Farrell Till with one paw in the air. I can also calculate pi, bark at plastic bags, and jump on the bed.

Boom, I only piddle on the P key. That's what it's for, isn't it?

I also love rides in the car. I know the words "go somewhere" and run around the house when Daddy says them.

Uh oh, time to go. Please everyone don't let Daddy know I'm doing this. I want to surprise him. :love:

[Lizard]

Hi toby welcome to tweb.

Have some :spam: on me.

[Lizard]

Today @ 01:15 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=75579#post75579)
jpholding:

Cirisme, thank you. Daddy says I am a smart doggie too. I can beat Farrell Till with one paw in the air. I can also calculate pi, bark at plastic bags, and jump on the bed.



Wow, and I thought my dog was smart. However, she can not calculate pi.

[$cirisme]

I can also calculate pi

Wow! Out to how many digits? :bunny:

[Sher]

(My male dog says, "Mama", does that count?)

Buddy and Guinny say, "Hi Toby. Mommy posted our picture over there

<----"

[jpholding]

Cirisme,

I can calculate pi only up to 8 pieces. Cherry is easiest. :bunny:

Faramir,

I thank you for the Spam but Daddy says I need to avoid soft foods. I am a very healthy doggie except for my teeth. Does Spam come in hard varieties? Or do I have to chew on the can?

Oh boy, Daddy wants to go somewhere! I'll be back later!

[Em7add11]

This is officially the weirdest active thread in the dorm. :hrm:

[Lizard]

Today @ 01:49 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=75603#post75603)
jpholding:


Faramir,

I thank you for the Spam but Daddy says I need to avoid soft foods. I am a very healthy doggie except for my teeth. Does Spam come in hard varieties? Or do I have to chew on the can?



Toby:

Have your Daddy open the spam, leave it on the plate for about five days. It will be plenty hard by then.

:spam:

[Piebald]

Toby! Why do you look so scared in that picture?

[jpholding]

Dear SherBear,

My, your doggies are big! When Daddy takes me to PetsMart all the big doggies come to me and wag their tails and sniff. They think I'm a puppy, I suppose, because I'm so tiny. But I don't mind.

Does anyone want to hear how I scared a cat once? It was my proudest moment!

Dear Faramir,

Doesn't the Spam start walking after four days?

Dear Hamster,

It was the first time I had ever had my picture taken with a flash cube. I wasn't sure whether to bark or not.

[Em7add11]

How did you scare the cat, Toby?

[jpholding]

Okay, Daddy says one more story and then I have to go out and go to bed.

I normally ignore cats, but one day when Daddy had me in his lap a friend brought his cat over and asked Daddy to hold me up to the cat, nose to nose. At first I was just quiet as usual. The cat and I were about an inch apart. Then I went WOOF WOOF WOOF and the cat jumped so fast that his owner had to throw him to the side. Ha ha! That was funny.

OK, Daddy says bedtime. I'll see all you nice people tomorrow.

[dizzle]

Hmmm, this is very strange. Where is wienerdog???

[Ric]

Ya?

[luv1another]

Bella and star say hi Toby
bella is a bichon frise and star is a Australian Cattle dog :smile:
star is a lot bigger now this is her when she is a puppy with Bella

[Sheepdog]

hmm. a million monkeys typing on typewriters probably wouldn't ever produce a Shakespearian novel, yet Toby can type a coherent post. dogs are smarter than monkeys :thumb:

[Sher]

Yesterday @ 08:19 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=76009#post76009)
jpholding:

Dear SherBear,

My, your doggies are big! When Daddy takes me to PetsMart all the big doggies come to me and wag their tails and sniff. They think I'm a puppy, I suppose, because I'm so tiny. But I don't mind.Yup. They are Lab-mix ... 1/2 lab ... half ???. We go to PetSupermarket and the "pups" get to go inside too. They love it because they get to sniff all the other dogs, and see the rabbits ... which they can't quite figure out and will just stare at.

You are a cutie, though!

[jpholding]

Hello friends,

Daddy is not feeling well today. I may have to type all his posts for him.

Wow, luv1another, Bella and Star are just about my size. We could all run around in circles together.

Thank you Sheepdog and Sherbear. A little guy like me loves to be loved. I'm very insistent. When Mommy or Daddy sit on the couch next to me I like to stick my nose under their hand and push it on top of my head. Then sometimes I ask for an EMERGENCY BELLY RUB.

[Solly]

/me walks in, looks around, walks away with eyes cast down and head shaking slowly

[Lizard]

Yesterday @ 08:19 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=76009#post76009)
jpholding:


Dear Faramir,

Doesn't the Spam start walking after four days?



Wow Toby, you are a smart dog. You are correct that Spam will start to walk after four days. But keep an eye on it so that it does not get away, and by the fith day it will be hard enough for you to eat. (and slow enough to catch as a result).

Happy :spam: hunting.

[jpholding]

Solly:

/me walks in, looks around, walks away with eyes cast down and head shaking slowly

Solly, this is Toby. An EMERGENCY BELLY RUB always cheers me up. Do you need one? :thumb:

[Solly]

SIT. STAY.

[jpholding]

Sorry, Solly. Only Daddy and Mommy are allowed to give me commands. But I'll ask Daddy if I can sit. Right now I'm lying asleep by his chair. Maybe I can SIT in that.

I'm such a smart doggie I can type in my sleep, too.

Can you send me some of those English crumpets? I hear they are kind of like dog biscuits. :smile:

[luv1another]

hey Toby,
crumpets taste much better than dog biscuits :tongue:
I should know I used to eat dog biscuits as a kid :teeth:
and star and bella want to know if you would like to chase some pesky cats with them :brow:

[jpholding]

Luv1another,

Yes, I will chase cats if I can use my skateboard.

[Lizard]

You can skateboard. That is way cool.

I think tonight, I will teach my dog buffy to type so you can talk to her.

[Piebald]

Right now I'm lying asleep by his chair. Maybe I can SIT in that.

You're lying asleep by his chair and typing a response? You are a talented pooch! :bunny:

[Sher]

"emergency belly rubs"

:rofl: You haven't experienced anything until you have a VERY persistant, very full grown Lab that gets this urge ... and decides to be a lapdog to get it ... :shocked:


:teeth: ~SherBear ... who loves her fur~babies

[jpholding]

Well, SherBrea, I think big dogs sometimes wish they were little dogs, and we little dogs dream we are big dogs. Daddy says I woof in my sleep sometimes. He says he's not sure if I'm chasing a rabbit or if a rabbit is chasing me.

Good night everyone.

[Em7add11]

Adios Toby. :bunny:

[Sher]

this thread has gone to the dogs :bunny: :teeth:

~SherBear, who had to deal with two big wet mutts today after bathtime

[Lizard]

Hi Toby. I'm Buffy. My daddy taught me to type so I could talk with you. Normally I am an outside only dog, but Daddy lets me come inside to use his computer. Here is a picture of me (actually its not really me, Daddy doesn't have a digital camera, but I look a lot like this picture)

[Solly]

Toby, meet Terry

[jpholding]

Hi Buffy and Terry,

You guys look like you might be fun! How about we go out and chase some cats, wet on some fire hydrants, and bark mindlessly at passing strangers?

[Solly]

Can we rummage in garbage cans too?

[dizzle]

...and bark mindlessly at passing strangers?

Reminds me of some people I know.....:cool:

[dizzle]

Toby, tell your dad to put your picture in the Yearbook Gallery. I emailed him about that, but he has not done it. Chew on a few shoes in revenge please.

[jpholding]

Terry,

I'm much to small to rummage in trash cans. Maybe if we find one tipped over, but I am very particular. I also wash my paws and face like a cat which really spooks people.

Dee Dee,

Daddy is still sick and can't remember where exactly it was my picture was supposed to be posted. Oh, I am a good boy and I do not chew shoes or have any bad habits. I do throw up on the rug now and then though.

[Solly]

Toby, you don't wear *shudders* a dog jacket do you. See, i'm down with it on the street in an about-town stylie; couldn't be seen in a... a... a cardigan.


Btw, has Daddy seen this (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3543)?

[Solly]

My hero...

[dizzle]

Toby, woof to your dad that the Yearbook link is under the Shoutbox or if he looks up at the top of each page for the blue buttons, it is the button called "annual"

[Lizard]

Hey Toby, that sounds like fun. Especially barking at strangers.

I love to bark at strangers. I bark and bark and bark. Most of the time it scares them off, as I am a pretty big dog. But if they are brave enough to get too close, I show them.

I give them my most vile attack. I jump up and lick them in the face. Boy am I one tough dog.

[jpholding]

Dear Terry,

Toby, you don't wear *shudders* a dog jacket do you. See, i'm down with it on the street in an about-town stylie; couldn't be seen in a... a... a cardigan.

Daddy only puts a tartan-pattern coat on me when it gets very cold. I love my little jacket but here where we live there isn't much need for it.

Btw, has Daddy seen this?

Yes, he thinks it's funny. Dee Dee, Daddy will go look for that.

Buffy, my worst attack is my breath. I am just a little dog but my breath once smelled like 15 garbage trucks dumping all at once. This is because my Old Mommy (Daddy's mother in law, may she rest in peace), though she loved me very much, could not afford to get my teeth cleaned. Daddy very patiently brushes my teeth now and even used a dental pick to clean my teeth. I don't even bite though it hurts sometimes. He also put me on a new diet. Now I only smell like 1 garbage truck passing by.

[Em7add11]

Have you ever eaten a cat?

[jpholding]

Hello Em,

No, I just ignore cats as much as I can. Some of them are bigger than I am. I'm just a little guy. :smile:

[Em7add11]

Understandable. Have you ever wondered what they taste like though?

[Lizard]

I here they taste like kibbles.

I live in a fenced in yard, so I have never even seen a cat close up. What is it like to chase a cat Toby?

Buffy.

[jpholding]

Em, I hear they taste like chicken.

I didn't actually chase the cat, Buffy. Daddy kept me in his hands the entire time I woofed at that cat.

But I hear with mustard you can make anything taste good.

Daddy is taking me to watch some TV on his lap. I'll be back tomorrow everyone. Good night!

Toby

[Solly]

Toby, are you lying in today.

I hope you are looking after Daddy, taking him for walks and stuff to make him feel better.

[jpholding]

Solly,

I lie in every day. :smile: I am asleep by the chair right now.

Daddy is feeling a little better. But we don't do much for walks. I'm so little that it takes me 10 steps for every one of Daddy's and I get all the exercise I need pretty quickly. I do like to be chased around the house though. It's more fun than walking.

Did you know little dogs are good for stress relief, Solly?

[Sher]

WOW!! I am impressed! Toby can type while asleep now? I gotta get me a Toby :teeth:

[Lizard]

Hi Toby,

My Daddy got mad at me today, because I got out of the Fence. I don't know why he got mad, He put that big cement block in front of my favorite hole in the fence, just so I could show him how smart I am by moving it.

Does your Daddy ever get mad at you.


Buffy.

[cloaked_dagger]

Maybe you could meet my dog Toby... You're about the size of his paw but you could still have fun together. Just don't let him step on you...

I'd send you a picture of him but I can't find it... (He's a Saint Bernard...)

[jpholding]

Buffy,

No, Daddy almost never gets mad at me because I'm such a well-behaved doggie. I would never leave the yard or try to get out. He only spanked my little bottom once when I got into one of his sandwiches. I only ate the cheese.

cloaked, can I ride on your dog's back?

[geebob]

My vision of jpholding is starting to look much like jack nicolson in As Good as it Gets

[Sher]

:lol:

[jpholding]

Geebob, can you explain? Daddy does not go to many movies and he only remembers Jack Nicholson as the Joker.

Mommy is ill now and I am serving as a Take It Easy Consultant. See how I lay on the bed with my legs in the air? There was also a lot of thunder here last night and that was scary. I jumped out of my laundry basket and up on the bed.

[Sher]

:hi: Toby ... tell Daddy that he is being roasted:

"Melvin Udall (JACK NICHOLSON) is an obsessive-compulsive romance novelist. With a wicked, sarcastic streak, Melvin freely speaks his mind about his disdain toward others and their lifestyles. Yet he doesn't think twice that he won't step on cracks, always eats with plastic utensils, and that everyone despises him. Except, of course, Carol Connelly (HELEN HUNT), a waitress at a Manhattan diner who is the only one who will put up with his behavior. She's quite patient with him, but gets upset if he talks about her son Spencer (JESSE JAMES) who has chronic asthma that forces her mother, Beverly (SHIRLEY KNIGHT), to live with them. A person who can't stand Melvin is Simon Nye (GREG KINNEAR), his gay artist neighbor. He knows that Melvin doesn't agree with his lifestyle and that he hates his cute little dog Verdell. Simon's art deal Frank Sachs (CUBA GOODING, JR.), however, often sets Melvin straight with physical threats if he doesn't act properly. Things change, however, when Simon is beat up by some robbers and Melvin is forced to watch after Verdell. Although he initially hates it, the little pooch soon melts Melvin's icy heart and he not only takes better care of Verdell, but he begins to feel for both Simon and Carol's individual plights. Suddenly feeling human, he attempts to forge a friendship with his neighbor and a romance with Carol." (From Screenit.com)


not by any means a direct comparison ... but a funny one, nonetheless ...

... especially the acid-tongue, dog-loving part :teeth:


Tell Mommy we hope she feels better ... and congrations on your new position :smile:

:angel:

[geebob]

With a wicked, sarcastic streak...the little pooch soon melts Melvin's icy heart

thats the main thing that comes to mind minus the icy heart.

[jpholding]

Hello everyone,

OK, Daddy says he thinks he gets it but he's still better as the Joker.

I'd like the other dogs here to tell me what they like barking at. Here's my list of barking priorities:

1) people at the door (of course)
2) plastic bags
3) vacuum cleaners

Otherwise I keep myself very quiet.

[Sheepdog]

Today @ 08:09 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=79977#post79977)
jpholding:

Hello everyone,

OK, Daddy says he thinks he gets it but he's still better as the Joker.

i hope Daddy's feeling better. but if he liked Nicolson as the Joker, i think he'll like hiim in the new movie Anger Management :teeth:

I'd like the other dogs here to tell me what they like barking at. Here's my list of barking priorities:

1) people at the door (of course)
2) plastic bags
3) vacuum cleaners

Otherwise I keep myself very quiet.

well, i bark at my roommate, but since i am not a real dog (i only play one one the internet), he just looks at me funny.

[Sher]

Today @ 12:45 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=80069#post80069)
Sheepdog:

well, i bark at my roommate, but since i am not a real dog (i only play one one the internet), he just looks at me funny.

:rofl:

[Sheepdog]

Hey Toby, is your daddy feeling any better today?

[jpholding]

Daddy is 90% better, Sheepdog. Thank you for asking. He is now looking at me and asking if *I* gave him his cold since he is around no one else for most of the day. :erm:

[Lizard]

Hi Toby,

I like to bark at the fence in my yard, especially when Daddy is trying to sleep.

Buffy.

[geebob]

when I was little, I had a friend over and my neighbor barked him up a tree. My neighbor wasn't a dog either. He was a teenager at the time.

[AVmetro]

Have you ever eaten a cat?

So...is this question just for Toby or can anyone answer it..?

*doh!* :doh:

[AVmetro]

Today @ 02:26 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=83640#post83640)
geebob:

when I was little, I had a friend over and my neighbor barked him up a tree. My neighbor wasn't a dog either. He was a teenager at the time.

I have a scar on my left shoulder from where a German Shepherd bit me when I was around 10yr old. My friend's family was using him as a "guard dog" for a junkyard. Real bright kid I was trying to go petting him. But then again when your friend brings him to your house on a leash and says "it's okay to pet him", what do you expect? :shrug:

[jpholding]

My German cousins are a little weird. I prefer the company of my Mexican chihuahua friends.

Yesterday Daddy and I went to the vet to get me some heartworm pills and there was a cat bigger than me there! I kept my mouth shut. I wish Buffy had been there.

[Lizard]

Man, I can't believe I missed that Toby.

My daddy (or more likely my mommy) will be taking me to the vet soon for something (the won't tell what, but since I am already "fixed" I think it is probably shots).

If I see a big cat there, I will be sure to scare it for you.

[dizzle]

Why am I very concerned?

[Lizard]

Hey Toby, we got that Dee Dee person concerned. Thats almost as much fun as chasing your tail.

:thumb:

Buffy.

[Solly]

DD you have an avatar called sun dog, and you're concerned.

Btw, Toby and Buffy, is Sun dog allowed to run with the pack , or is she to-o-o-o hot to handle?


Terry

[Lizard]

Today @ 11:40 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=85230#post85230)
Solly:

DD you have an avatar called sun dog, and you're concerned.

Btw, Toby and Buffy, is Sun dog allowed to run with the pack , or is she to-o-o-o hot to handle?


Terry

Solly, I had a very clever answer but daddy said I couldn't post it as it was against the rules.

But I do like the sun dog avatar. :thumb:

[jpholding]

Solly,

The sun dog and I match since I am black.

I have a funny story. I did not bark at the cat but one time when Daddy had me in the car we stopped at a farm and I saw two big animals outside about 10 feet away behind a fence I had never seen before. I got up and barked at them through the window! They just looked at me. Daddy says they are called cows. Can any other dog tell me about these things? They looked kind of stupid. I'll bet they don't do tricks or sit on command like I do. I'm a very obedient doggie.

They DO look like they'd like an EMERGENCY BELLY RUB.

[jpholding]

Hello everyone. Daddy took me to the PetSmart today and had my coat shaved down. Not too far. Otherwise the secret would be out that I am really pink and not black.

The groomer did accidentally cut my leg a little. But I was a good boy. Tomorrow I see the vet for my annual checkup. I will try to be a brave little soldier. Are any of you other dogs scared of the vet? I notice that big dogs sometimes aren't. But they are also the ones who seem dumbest, am I right?

[Sher]

Buddy says that he resembles that remark ... he is scared of EVERYTHING .... a big weenie with a bigger bark ... so that no one notices how much he is shaking. Guinevere says she may be small, and a girl .... but she "ain't scared of nothin' !"

[jpholding]

SherBear,

Thank you, that makes sense. Some of us little dogs do not know we are little. I know I am, but I also think I am a person. I am, right?

[Sher]

/me 's dogs :shrug:

We dogs are members of the family ... so we can't disagree



/ot "Tamer of the Wild Bore" <=== :lol:

[jpholding]

Hello Everyone,

I didn't really bite the vet but I knew it would get your attention. Daddy taught me that. From Sun Tzu. :smile:

I was given 5 shots and had a tooth pulled. I did growl at the vet a bit which is very funny when you realize how little I am. He is a nice old man who talks to dogs like they are people. The nurse said I was very strong for my size because she could hardly hold me down while the tooth was being pulled. Ha ha!

The vet said I was very healthy for my age which makes Daddy proud and happy.

Do any of you other dogs have stories about the vet?

[Lizard]

I may be a big dog, but the vet frightens me.

The last time I went daddy had to drag me out from underneath mommy's van.

It was wort though to see daddy huff and puff so much. It was very funny. But daddy didn't think so.

[jpholding]

Hi everyone.

I told you all about how I got my fur cut short. Now Daddy has had his hair cut very short and we look like twins. Isn't that adorable?

Toby

[Lizard]

My daddy has his hair cut very short as well. My fur is not very long, so I don't think my daddy will have it cut.

Does having your fur cut hurt?

Buffy

[jpholding]

Buffy,

Only when the groomer nicks you! Ouch!

[jpholding]

Hi everyone. I have not stopped by in a while. Daddy wants everyone to know today is my 11th birthday. This is fun for him because I don't know it's my birthday and I have no idea why I got extra kisses from Mommy and Daddy.

I feel like a doggie half my age, though. I can still jump up on the bed from the floor and tear around the house.

I will probably get extra liver treats today, too. I love those. They come in a bag and when Daddy picks up the bag I get very happy. I paw at the bag, too. But I think now that all bagged treats are for me, even the dried cranberries Daddy had the other day.

One more funny story. When we go to the bank drive-thru now, the tellers see me and send a little doggie treat. Now I am so used to it, I start getting excited when the container comes back, even if we go to a different bank. I am a very smart doggie.

Bye for now everyone.

[Robyn Banks]

:bagpipes:

[AVmetro]

This thread reminds me.. (Even though my wife hates animals-) Now that we're no longer in an apt. I can get a dog. yipee!